Crocodile Dippy's Supremely Bored Pokemon HeartGold Let's Play

Pokemon DP

Pokemon DP

God I'm good at being an owl
Retired Wiki Staff
Quizmo's attempt at an Emerald LP got me interested in trying another Nuzlocke challenge, but I thought "ehh why not make it a shitty LP? Everyone on IRC wants me to do it." so here I am doing my first LP, and likely doing it very half-assed, but maybe it'll entertain you

I guess to start, choose character gender and name?

 
make it a girl named rita and have her flirt with every male character in the game somehow

this will redeem anything bad that might crop up during the lp
 
Colbert?
 
Get a pikachu and name it dippy
Get a cyndaquil and name it MCD
Get a jackass and name it Smasher
Oh and get a MarioGuy1 and name it SLNO
 
Just to clarify, italics are my own silly commentary. Unedited text is character narration. Bolded text is for questions for you guys, I guess!

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And so it begins.

It was finally here. My 10th birthday has arrived, which means I can finally go on my Pokémon journey! Who knows what great adventures await me, all the Pokémon I'll see, all the cuties I'll meet! Like a scene from my wildest dreams, I woke up to the soothing sound of the voice of none other than the world famous Professor Oak!

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That's like telling your 10-year old son that Earth is widely inhabited by dogs.

He asked me for my details, which I saw as a very good sign! My heart was pounding! But strangely enough, he wasn't able to discern whether I was a boy or girl, but I'm not going to question his genius.

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Sorry to anyone who wanted to suggest a name, but I loved Bop's idea way too much.

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...but I then found it was all a dream. What a drag! I thought I had made it with the great Professor Oak! But oh well, such is life. I decided to check my emails for any notifications on my new career as a Pokémon Trainer, but all I had was...

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Oh that Ethan. Deep as a puddle, but so cute anyway.

My mum was helpful enough to tell me that Professor Elm wanted to see me. How archaic, he surely could've sent me an email or something! I decided to have a jog around town before seeing him, however. I can't look slack in front of him!

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The bloke who wrote this was payed $64,000 just for this line.

It seemed like another lazy day until I ran into this chap...

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How rude! He even pushed me aside, the handsome jerk! I'm sure I'll be rid of him once I leave this town on my grand journey, however, so I should just forget about him and his glorious hair, and go start my adventure.

Alright I'll stop piss farting around and get on with it.

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Oh, I'm flattered, but there'll be time for that latter, prof. Right now I need to start my adventure!

Let's see, I have the choice of...
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Oh, I just don't know! Which should I choose? And what will I call it?
 
I vote Cyndaquil as well. Cyndaquil rocks.
 
cyndaquil seems like the most obvious option to me

also since this is really happening, there should be a fish-like pokemon named shrimp baby at some point too, for consistency's sake
 
Sorry to people who were expecting a challenge, but the outcome was obvious.

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Thank you, voices in my head. I think I picked the best Pokémon of the three, and it certainly reminds me of a real cutie. You'll make a great wingman, since blokes dig cute Pokémon!

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Already working. I'm going to like this adventure. I returned home since I figured I should show my mum my new companion, and she reminded me that I have a PokéGear that I should probably be using.

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Thanks, mum, but I'm sure I'll be fine with a phone. Honestly, she won't stop treating me like a child! But with all my gear on-hand, I set off on my adventure to Cherrygrove City. Along Route 29, I came across my first wild Pokémon battle! How exciting!

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Seriously, fuck early game Pokémon.

MCD, you can do this! Strike it down with your outstanding, unbelievable, totally impressive and not dull at all abilities!

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RPGs are so boring at the start.

So after fighting my way through several kilometres of road and tall grass that somehow only took ten minutes to traverse, I finally found myself in Cherrygrove City!

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Oh my God who the hell are you and why are you talking to me. To his credit, he was kind enough to show me around the town and explain some of the facilities available to me, such as the Pokémon Centre where I can heal my Pokémon, and a Mart where I can buy random crap, so that was helpful! He was so full of youthful energy, it was kind of cute in a silly way.

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That's creepy as sin, but OK! Now with magic boots that help me overcome my crippling disability that forbid me for moving at a swift pace, I was ready to continue my awesome adventure! ...Wait, what was it Professor Elm wanted me to do? Go find a Pokémon at Route 30, I think? Well, I'd better be going there, then!

I found a house on the way that was likely abandoned, so I felt it was my unquestioned duty to barge in like I owned the place. Turns out it was occupied, but he didn't seem too upset. Suspiciously so...

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Well, at least he gave me an Apricorn Box...

I continued on my way wondering why I wasn't able to capture any Pokémon, but at the very least MCD proved he's got some fight in him!

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Because this is totally worth showing you. Shut up.

I soon found myself at a house that I presumed to be empty since it was out here in the middle of nowhere and thus very barging in-able... oh it's occupied as well.

Oh yeah that's right! Elm wanted me to pick up some stupid egg for him from a bloke who lived out here. No wonder he didn't want to come, this guy is freaky, even if his moustache is so well-groomed. Wait a second...

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ohmygodohmygod it's Professor Oak! My heart, it's going to stop soon! What do I say? Say something smart, these eggheads love smart people!

Oak, I...
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Pfffft of course I'd like to help you out! Just say the word and I--
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oh wait what did you want me to do? Oh who cares, I'll treasure this gift with all my heart and do my best to protect it from all the wild Pokémon that dare come near me! And I--
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This is the happiest day of my life.

Oh dear, I'm going to collapse after that experience. I hear my phone ringing and I just don't care, and I can't stop now, I have an egg to return! Come on MCD, let's return to New Bark Town!

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Oh, it's handsome jerk. What does he want?

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W-what?! My first trainer battle, and it has to be with this guy?! Well I won't show any mercy even to someone as hot as you!

This fight is boring as shit, so I don't feel it necessary to show much of it to you guys. But I think you can get the general picture from these.
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You're doing great, MCD!

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Not much to show for your ego! After beating him, he was shouting nonsense about becoming the greatest Pokémon trainer in the world, which is adorable of him to say since I'm obviously going to be the greatest Pokémon trainer in the world!

Jokes on him, though, since I got his trainer card--oh shoot he noticed. Well, at least I got his name. It'd be cute if he wasn't such a jerk.

So I returned to Elm's lab to get his congratulations, only to find the police there.

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Oh no, is he under arrest? I knew there must've been something fishy about a guy who sends 10-year old girls out in the wilderness by themselves to collect the eggs of natural wildlife!

After hearing them out and conveniently ignoring Elm's scoldings that I never pick up my phone, I realised that a Pokémon had been stolen from the lab while I was out collecting MacGuffin.

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From their description, it must've been that hot jerk I fought back in Cherrygrove City. He couldn't have picked a worse Pokémon, honestly... blokes have no taste. Now, what was his name again?
 
Nic Cage

Also, good job :D I'm about to fall asleep so this won't be much of a comment, but, I think the writing style you've got for it is quite entertaining!

Edit:
03:31 Anton{Hypnotoad} also, before I go, the reason for "Nic Cage" isn't completely because of the in-joke thing
03:31 Anton{Hypnotoad} but because of how angsty that particular character is, and how forced it feels
03:31 Anton{Hypnotoad} just like Nic Cage's acting!
03:31 Anton{Hypnotoad} :D
Click to expand...
 
i'm really bad at leaving actual comments so i'll just put down a vote for Nic Cage
 
Douchecanoe

(or nic cage)

Also, yay! I hope I don't die!
 
Nic Cage
 
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