Fanfiction-Call of the Bob-omb-The dramatic story of the Bob-omb War

[WakerLuma]

Hello and welcome. This is Call of the Bob-omb- the story of the Bob-omb Battlefield War that continued after the disappearance of the Big Bob-omb. This story is the accounts of one Robert B. Buddy, who was forced to leave his wife Bella and son Bud to be recruited in the army, led by General X. Plode. Although he was a very ordinary soldier, he still greatly missed his family. But when he finds an abandoned spotted egg in the middle of the dangerous zone, he has to rescue it. But when it hatches, the trouble begins. Can Robert B. Buddy take care of a young child and serve in the Bob-omb military?
Chapter 1
Robert B. Buddy was reading a letter from his young son Bud. He smiled, as it was full of peppy sentences like,"I'll know you'll do it daddy! You can get rid of those mean evil bob-ombs!" It was 1 AM, but he didn't mind. In a way, he had developed an immunity to sleep. Now he pondered about the many bob-ombs who had been recruited for their usefulness. Bombette for example. She was a peppy young bob-omb who had the amazing ability to be perfectly OK after blowing up. To the armies, this was a form of death. She had been able to destroy the smaller bases of the opposite army. Admiral Bobbery had been a good recruit too. In his old age, he knew tactics that even their leader, General X. Plode didn't know of. The Admiral was greatly missing his deceased wife Scarlette, and so this war was a good distraction from the agony. But Robert B. Buddy knew his pain. He couldn't describe the way how much he missed Bella, his wife.
Soon,he didn't feel like sleeping. He got up and started his training. It was only half an hour before the rest of the recruits poured outside for early training.Then the General came outside. He always came out alter, because he liked all the recruits to be there.

 

[Gigaremo]

Great story! A few things, though.
First of all, that half-chapter is only one paragraph. I think a full chapter is usually five or more; but you can make chapters as short or long as you want...I guess it's up to you.
I'd also like to know about what the "mean evil bob-ombs" did. How did they end up in a war with the good ones? What happened to the Big Bob-omb? What's happened so far in the war? Who's winning?
And the other thing is how short the half-chapter is. It leaves the reader at a cliffhanger, since nothing's happened action-wise other than Robert reading a letter.

Compliments- Nice names-puns are fun. (No rhyme intended.)
Also, in a single paragraph you manage to give your character a lot of personality. That's a pretty amazing feat for the first paragraph.

In total, I wish it was longer. It's a pretty good story if you take out the shortness, though.

 

[WakerLuma]

Thanks. I'll explain some more:

Spoiler

The reason they're in the war again is because, at the fury of the 'death' of their leader, the Big-Bob-omb, they desired revenge. Their leader,who is essentially the main antagonist who I have yet to come up with a name for,was an arch-enemy of General X. Plode, and so they started battling, in small battles that didn't mean much to most, seeing as they were able to go on with their everyday lives. But it soon escalated into a major war. Both General X. Plode and the other leader were both very respected amongst their community,the Bob-ombs and the Bob-omb Buddies respectively,and were inspired to help in the war. Soon, it very much became obligatory for every Bob-omb of a certain age to join the army. However, Bella stayed at home to take care of their young son,Bud. And thus, that is why the whole war started.

There's the whole backstory of the war in spoiler tags. Yes, it is very short,it isn't half a chapter and I'll add some more now. I'm just lazy.