Collab:cleaning the Luigi's Mansion room pages (updated 11-21)

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Glowsquid

Glowsquid

Shine Sprite
Retired Forum Mod
Retired Wiki Staff
'Shroom Consultant
They're horrible. Here's why.

  • They try too hard to describe the events like a story. This is best exemplified by how the articles frequently say "Luigi [saw] [something]" instead of simply describing the events in question
  • There's an almost methodical avoidance of using pronouns. Take a sip every times Luigi is referred to as "the green clad plumber/ghost hunter" instead of "he".
  • Random tense changes.
  • A strange habit of assuming optional/very minor sidequests happen in the storyline. For ex, the Uncle Grimmly page says "Luigi searched for three hidden Speedy Spirits [during the blackout] along the way" even though there's nothing in the game that forces (or even tell you) to do that.
  • Tons of fluffs and ridiculous amount of text describing minor details. The Melody Pianissima page spends entire sentences describing her hand gestures... that's not good.
  • Melodramatic writing, unnecessary adjectives ("Unfortunately" and "creepily" are especially common) and generally poor choice of word. ("Sadly, what started as a short nap turned in an eternal rest for [Sue Pea]". Boo-fucking-hoo.)
  • Insanely long trivia sections.

As with every other collab thread, you don't actually need to post here to contribute to the project. However, if you do, it would be a good idea which page(s) you plan on rewriting so that I can add your name on the list below and cross out the relevant pages when they're done (... if they're done).

Portrait ghosts pages in need of a good scrubbing
Biff Atlas
Bogmire
Boolossus
Chauncey
Henry and Orville
Jarvis
Madame Clairvoya
Melody Pianissima
Miss Petunia
Mr. Luggs
Shivers
Sir Weston
Slim Bankshot
Spooky (Luigi's Mansion)
Sue Pea
The Floating Whirlindas
Uncle Grimmly
Vincent Van Gore

Room pages
Anteroom
Balcony (2F)
Foyer
Master Bedroom
Nursery
Parlor
Study
Wardrobe Room
Bathroom (1F)
Ball Room
Storage Room
Washroom (1F)
Mirror Room
Laundry Room
Butler's Room
Hidden Room
Conservatory
Dining Room
Kitchen (Luigi's Mansion)
Boneyard
Graveyard
Astral Hall
Balcony (3F)
Bathroom (2F)
Billiards Room
Bottom of the Well
Courtyard
Fortune-Teller's Room
Nana's Room
Observatory
Projection Room
Rec Room
Safari Room
Tea Room
The Twins' Room
Washroom (2F)
Secret Altar
Armory
The Artist's Studio
Breaker Room
Cellar
Ceramics Studio
Clockwork Room
Cold Storage
Guest Room
Pipe Room
Sealed Room
Sitting Room
Telephone Room
Gallery
Professor Elvin Gadd's Lab
The Lab
Training Room
Ghost Portrificationizer Room

(Also, I have to credit this guy as his talk pages comments are what made me notice just how generally poor that group of article is-and BabyLuigiOnFire for pointing out that the room articles are similarly terrible)
 
Re: Collab:Rewriting the Luigi's Mansion portrait ghost articles

I really agree with this. I'll try to rewrite a few when I have the spare time. While we're at it, could we maybe discuss moving the Heart Quotes from their own section of the page to a parameter on the appropriate infobox?
 
Re: Collab:Rewriting the Luigi's Mansion portrait ghost articles

While we're at it, could we maybe discuss moving the Heart Quotes from their own section of the page to a parameter on the appropriate infobox?
Click to expand...


The Heart Quotes are not very different from the SMRPG enemies psychopath thoughts or Paper Mario's tattles (both of which are placed in those series' infoboxes) so that makes senses, I agree.
 
Re: Collab:Rewriting the Luigi's Mansion portrait ghost articles

Yeah, putting the Hear Quotes in the infobox is a good idea.
 
Re: Collab:Rewriting the Luigi's Mansion portrait ghost articles

I would like to point out it's not just the portrait ghost articles. It's in fact almost every single room in Luigi's Mansion is written similar to this.
 
Re: Collab:Rewriting the Luigi's Mansion portrait ghost articles

[quote author=MFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF]When Luigi enters the Master Bedroom he is face-to-face with a single ghost. Lydia is busy combing her hair by the vanity. Upon inspecting her heart, Luigi discovers how obsessed Lydia was with the appearance of her hair. Luigi uses his trusty vacuum to draw open a curtain, letting a cold wind rush into the room. Fearing the wind might mess up her beautiful hair, Lydia gets up to close the curtain. As she is distracted, Luigi quickly turns on the vacuum and sucked her in. Luigi receives the Key to the Nursery and continues his quest to save Mario. [/quote]

Bloody hell, you're right. Those are much shorter, at least.


Since nobody opposed the idea of having the heart quotes in the infobox and that's consistent with how we generally categorise that kind of information, I've updated the portrait infobox and will move the quotes there in a few minutes. If anyone want to help, start from the top end of the list.it's done, Bop1996 did most of it.
 
Re: Collab:Rewriting the Luigi's Mansion portrait ghost articles

Yeah, the rooms are pretty awful as well. The Heart Quotes should all be moved to the infoboxes now.
 
Re: Collab:Rewriting the Luigi's Mansion portrait ghost articles

So, should we include the rooms in this collab? Because, frankly, they are in the same vein as the portrait ghost articles and have the same, fluff-filled writing.
 
Re: Collab:Rewriting the Luigi's Mansion portrait ghost articles

This one's my favorite.

As Luigi tumbled backwards into the Graveyard in an entrance reminiscent to that of the Hidden Room, the plumber couldn't help but noticed several large tombstones on the ground. As he walked up to one of the tombstones, three Skeleton Ghosts (five in the PAL Hidden Mansion) rose from the ground, angered at Luigi's disturbance. They began tossing their own bones at the green-garbed ghost hunter, but Luigi managed to take cover. Luigi drew each one apart from the group and won the battle between the Mr. Bones. After the last one was stored inside the Poltergust 3000, the largest headstone at the rear of the Graveyard began to glow with an eerie blue aura. Luigi cautiously stepped toward it for a closer look. Just as he neared the gravestone, a bolt of lightning struck the ground near it, narrowly missing the plumber. A tall purple blob emerged from the ground, scaring the life out of the poor plumber. The cemetary shadow, Bogmire, had awoken to do battle with Luigi.
Click to expand...


Baby Luigi said:
So, should we include the rooms in this collab? Because, frankly, they are in the same vein as the portrait ghost articles and have the same, fluff-filled writing.
Click to expand...
That's probably for the best. And for convenience, here's the list of rooms:

Anteroom
Balcony (2F)
Foyer
Master Bedroom
Nursery
Parlor
Study
Wardrobe Room
Bathroom (1F)
Ball Room
Storage Room
Washroom (1F)
Mirror Room
Laundry Room
Butler's Room
Hidden Room
Conservatory
Dining Room
Kitchen (Luigi's Mansion)
Boneyard
Graveyard
Astral Hall
Balcony (3F)
Bathroom (2F)
Billiards Room
Bottom of the Well
Courtyard
Fortune-Teller's Room
Nana's Room
Observatory
Projection Room
Rec Room
Safari Room
Tea Room
The Twins' Room
Washroom (2F)
Secret Altar
Armory
The Artist's Studio
Breaker Room
Cellar
Ceramics Studio
Clockwork Room
Cold Storage
Guest Room
Pipe Room
Roof (This one covers multiple roofs of notability throughout the entire Mario series)
Sealed Room
Sitting Room
Telephone Room
Gallery
Professor Elvin Gadd's Lab
The Lab
Training Room
Ghost Portrificationizer Room

Most, if not all, of them are just as bad as the portrait ghosts.

Actually, even the articles for the regular ghosts could use some scrubbing.

Blue Blaze said:
The Blue Blaze has a massive earthquake attack that costs Luigi ten HP, as with its non-elemental counterpart. Ice is the key to a Blue Blaze's heart. Being weakened by ice, it completes the triangular Elemental Medal relationship also found with the Temper Terror and Flash.
Click to expand...
 
Re: Collab:Rewriting the Luigi's Mansion portrait ghost articles

So, should we include the rooms in this collab?
Click to expand...

Sure. I added GreenDisaster's list in the OP
 
Re: Collab:Rewriting the Luigi's Mansion portrait ghost and room articles

My personal favorite:

When Luigi first enters the Bathroom on the second floor, he notices the voluptuous silhouette of a woman behind the shower curtain. Luigi, being the curious fellow that he is, decides to pull back the curtain with the Poltergust 3000 to get a better look. To his dismay, the figure is not a stunning woman but the obese Miss Petunia. Angered that Luigi opened her curtain, Petunia shoots a blast of scalding hot water at the peeping tom, delivering ten HP of damage. She then goes back to her shower. Luigi decides to give her a blast of ice using his newly acquired Ice Elemental Medal. The ice causes Miss Petunia to sneeze, making her vulnerable, and Luigi sucks the ghost in with the Poltergust. Although she strongly tugs in an attempt to escape, Luigi eventually wins the battle and captures Miss Petunia. After capturing the porcine portrait ghost, Luigi acquires the key needed to open the door to the Billiards Room.
Click to expand...

Anyway, I'll try to work on the rooms as well when I have the time.
 
Re: Collab:Rewriting the Luigi's Mansion portrait ghost and room articles

I'm planning to do several, since this type of writing disturbs me and how scarily consistent it is.
 
Re: Collab:Rewriting the Luigi's Mansion portrait ghost and room articles

It's consistent because one user pretty much wrote all the LM room articles, back in 2006 (or at least, the handful of Histories I looked at originated with one user).
 
Re: Collab:cleaning the Luigi's Mansion portrait ghost and room pages (updated 7-23)

Yet no one noticed until pretty recently?
 
Re: Collab:cleaning the Luigi's Mansion portrait ghost and room pages (updated 7-23)

People probably just figured either "eh it's passable" or "Well I don't really have the time to deal with it". Since PipeProjects were a mess and Collaborations didn't exist until recently, there wasn't really a chance for people to get together and coordinate fixing it.
 
Re: Collab:cleaning the Luigi's Mansion portrait ghost and room pages (updated 7-23)

Dang these are painful to rewrite. I got these done:

Boolossus
Chauncey
Henry and Orville
Jarvis
 
Re: Collab:cleaning the Luigi's Mansion portrait ghost and room pages (updated 7-23)

Kiyotaka Ishimaru said:
People probably just figured either "eh it's passable" or "Well I don't really have the time to deal with it". Since PipeProjects were a mess and Collaborations didn't exist until recently, there wasn't really a chance for people to get together and coordinate fixing it.
Click to expand...

Another thing to consider is that the guy who wrote most of the articles (Son of Suns) was (and for the later part, still somewhat is) an high-ranking and very respected user. As such, most users at the time probably thought the style was "normal" or even something "good" to be imitated.



I did the Uncle Grimmly and Vincent Van Gore pages. There are some great bits of derp in there.


[quote author=Okay]As such, Luigi investigates the many rooms with mirrors in the mansion (searching for three hidden [[Speedy Spirit]]s along the way), [/quote]

[quote author=In which is explained that a game would be easier if it didn't feature generic enemies]Van Gore is a fundamental player in King Boo's quest to capture both [[Mario]] and [[Luigi]]. Without the constant supply of ghosts, Luigi would have had a much easier time defeating King Boo and the portrait ghosts.[/quote]

Also, one quirk I've noticed is that the Japanese names are put at the beginning of the articles instead of being in the language infobox. When rewriting the pages, don't forget to move them there.
 
Re: Collab:cleaning the Luigi's Mansion portrait ghost and room pages (updated 7-23)

The Japanese-at-the-top stuff is probably copying Wikipedia's style.

Glowsquid said:
Kiyotaka Ishimaru said:
People probably just figured either "eh it's passable" or "Well I don't really have the time to deal with it". Since PipeProjects were a mess and Collaborations didn't exist until recently, there wasn't really a chance for people to get together and coordinate fixing it.
Click to expand...
Another thing to consider is that the guy who wrote most of the articles (Son of Suns) was (and for the later part, still somewhat is) an high-ranking and very respected user. As such, most users at the time probably thought the style was "normal" or even something "good" to be imitated.
Click to expand...
From what I've seen, Phoenix Rider wrote the room pages - but those were done a bit after SoS's character pages, so he could've been copying the style.

Back then, I think any sort of mass influx of info would have been "good", no matter who was adding it. (Of course, I didn't join until a year later, so I only know second-hand accounts of those early wiki days.)
 
Re: Collab:cleaning the Luigi's Mansion portrait ghost and room pages (updated 7-23)

Did some of these:

Madame Clairvoya
Melody Pianissima
Miss Petunia
Mr. Luggs
Shivers
Sir Weston
 
Re: Collab:cleaning the Luigi's Mansion room pages (updated 9-02)

I went ahead and rewrote the last two remaining portrait ghost pages. A biiig thank to BabyLuigiOnFire for doing most of them.

So, who wants to tackle the room pages? lol.
 
Re: Collab:cleaning the Luigi's Mansion room pages (updated 9-02)

No problem. I might tackle the room pages if I get the chance.

EDIT: Yes, I have done all the Area 1 rooms. So this means

Anteroom
Balcony (2F)
Foyer
Master Bedroom
Nursery
Parlor
Study
Wardrobe Room

I have done. Some weren't too bad but there was still badly written ones (Wardrobe Room).
 
Re: Collab:cleaning the Luigi's Mansion room pages (updated 9-02)

the bathroom page is fine, but the Storage Room one is still a bit too narrative-heavy.
 
Re: Collab:cleaning the Luigi's Mansion room pages (updated 9-02)

I fixed the narrative-heavy text in the Storage Room. Not planning to do any today, though.
 
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