Project 132 (old)

Re: Project 132

i read your introduction and it seems to me that

i can already predict ~75% of how it's going to go, and even a lot of the underlying motives

while i didn't really have any problems with your writing style, it seems to me that your content would be much better if you weren't telegraphing a pretty boring-seeming plot based almost entirely off overused jrpg tropes
 
Re: Project 132

Monobear said:
i read your introduction and it seems to me that

i can already predict ~75% of how it's going to go, and even a lot of the underlying motives
Click to expand...
Oh please, give me your predictions.

Go ahead and tell me how my own story is going to pan out, why don't you.

The only reason this Intro sequence exists is because this fight has been in every previous version of 132, but it's only been mentioned, not actually depicted.

I thought that actually showing it for once- as an Introduction, no less- would be a good idea.

Monobear said:
while i didn't really have any problems with your writing style, it seems to me that your content would be much better if you weren't telegraphing a pretty boring-seeming plot based almost entirely off overused jrpg tropes
Click to expand...
The only JRPG-based thing I've ever written is Typical Tragedy.

You're making some really fucking early judgements for somebody that never reads anything I write.
 
Re: Project 132

i'm not even talking about your overall writing or anything like that?

but anyway, it's obvious that the race of beasts or whatever they were is going to have some major role, and i'm willing to bet that there's going to be some sort of plot involving the atrocities of war/abuse between one side or the other, there's probably going to be some sort of underlying theme of "we're humans we can do this!" running throughout the thing, and then there's probably going to be family estrangement backstory interspersed here and there

so yeah, that seems an awful lot like a bunch of predictable jrpg tropes to me

also, since i've never read any of your other things, how would i know typical tragedy was jrpg-based anyway? all i'm doing is pointing out something i've noticed about the introduction that i thought wasn't very good
 
Re: Project 132

Monobear said:
but anyway, it's obvious that the race of beasts or whatever they were is going to have some major role, and i'm willing to bet that there's going to be some sort of plot involving the atrocities of war/abuse between one side or the other, there's probably going to be some sort of underlying theme of "we're humans we can do this!" running throughout the thing, and then there's probably going to be family estrangement backstory interspersed here and there
Click to expand...
There is literally only one thing in that that was correct.

The scythes are going to be used as living weapons over the course of the story.

But everything else- literally everything else- was dead wrong.
 
Re: Project 132

well then, maybe i just started to think "if i were a final fantasy director, how would i finish this" after the first few paragraphs, and that influenced my thinking a bit

but if that's not what you're going for, then good for you. i'm glad you've realized how boring that would be.
 
Re: Project 132

Dude, I always realized that.

I'm no amateur.

However, I do hope you stay around while I write this. I think you'd be a really good critic for a guy to have.
 
Re: Project 132

Honestly I got bored of 132 in Typical Tragedy.
 
Re: Project 132

It was still inspired by 133, and this inspired by TT.
I'll give it a thorough reading when I get power.
 
Re: Project 132

Monobear said:
but anyway, it's obvious that the race of beasts or whatever they were is going to have some major role, and i'm willing to bet that there's going to be some sort of plot involving the atrocities of war/abuse between one side or the other, there's probably going to be some sort of underlying theme of "we're humans we can do this!" running throughout the thing, and then there's probably going to be family estrangement backstory interspersed here and there

so yeah, that seems an awful lot like a bunch of predictable jrpg tropes to me
Click to expand...
I get where you're coming from, and it does look pretty obvious and predictable, but Tabuu's always managed to surprise me with plot twist even when I thought he was writing himself into a corner.

If not for personal experience though I would look at this story and go "well we definitely don't know how this is going to turn out". I don't know, I think [WARNING: Javelin very likely being hypercritical] it was the presence of exposition in the intro, what with the beast council or whatever. One of the coolest things about Resolutions was the intro that just drew you in. I guess this one isn't mysterious enough? idk
 
Re: Project 132

Nabber said:
It was still inspired by 133, and this inspired by TT.
I'll give it a thorough reading when I get power.
Click to expand...
Typical Tragedy wasn't inspired by 132. It was a forty-something chapter long shout-out to the JRPG genre that, like that genre itself, started to feel tired and stretched out after a very short time.

Yes, Typical Tragedy got boring. I know, that's my fault.

But think about what it was like to write that. It was tiring and stressful and, if this thread should tell you anything, I'm not satisfied with it at all. The shit that happened with Smiley and my emotional state back then sucked almost all the joy I found in writing midway through the story, and no matter how much I just wanted it to be over it dragged on and on and on.

Project Aviate, Aviate, Resolutions, 132 REDUX and Safety were labors of love.

Typical Tragedy frequently feels like the thing that was hardest for me to write- and the hardest for my readers to enjoy, too.

Blastoise said:
I don't know, I think [WARNING: Javelin very likely being hypercritical] it was the presence of exposition in the intro, what with the beast council or whatever. One of the coolest things about Resolutions was the intro that just drew you in. I guess this one isn't mysterious enough? idk
Click to expand...
Crap.

I was hoping that a sequence that should come off as familiar (hint: the oft-mentioned Wales/Evoltsul fight in REDUX and Resolutions) but hadn't yet actually been written would appeal to the old 132 fans.

I'm not sure if I'll be able to emulate the mystery that came with the beginning of Resolutions ever again- however, I'll definitely do my work to make sure this story doesn't become boring in comparison.
 
Re: Project 132

Nabber said:
It was still inspired by 133
Click to expand...
what is 133

:3
:33
Travis Touchdown said:
Blastoise said:
I don't know, I think [WARNING: Javelin very likely being hypercritical] it was the presence of exposition in the intro, what with the beast council or whatever. One of the coolest things about Resolutions was the intro that just drew you in. I guess this one isn't mysterious enough? idk
Click to expand...
Crap.

I was hoping that a sequence that should come off as familiar (hint: the oft-mentioned Wales/Evoltsul fight in REDUX and Resolutions) but hadn't yet actually been written would appeal to the old 132 fans.
Click to expand...
I actually enjoyed the first fight a lot, the Chris/Nalia one. I think it was the setting or something.
Travis Touchdown said:
I'm not sure if I'll be able to emulate the mystery that came with the beginning of Resolutions ever again- however, I'll definitely do my work to make sure this story doesn't become boring in comparison.
Click to expand...
you must work to satisfy javelin's demand for something better than resolutions

javelin's current rankings
1. resolutions. super-cool character interactions, fascinating world, good progression of story, awesome fight scenes.
2. typical tragedy. less interesting character interactions (Although of course it features me, so that's a huge bonus), interesting world, awesome fight scenes. The major loss was progression of story - beginning was too slow, the Sub fight lasted foooooooorrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeevvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrr. Characters were more bland and generic - I remember pointing out that the point of view thing really didn't actually change at all between characters. I mean, in Resolutions there was a noticeable difference between how Alex saw things, how Ruin saw things, and how Chris saw things, etc. Tragedy had two (for most of the story, the character problems were better nearer the end) - Tabuu's point of view and a third-person narration disguised as a first-person from a differing point of view.
3. aviate. hey, i'm not a big fan of modern stuff. sue me. It has the most realistic depiction of Javelin ever conceived though. : )

I'm not going to try and judge this too early though. Just kinda pointing out faults of previous things.
 
Re: Project 132

If a power outage forced you to make all your posts with a phone you would make typos too.

(AND TABUU DON'T EVEN ENTER THIS ARGUMENT I DON'T CARE HOW GOOD YOU ARE WITH PHONES
 
Re: Project 132

i'm kinda bored by what i'm seeing/reading into

maybe i'm just overall tired of the whole "person from no real beginning living in an area with potentially dangerous things hinted at all around at the very beginning of the event suddenly finds themselves in the midst of something much bigger that has something to do with ancient feuds and mysterious powers", but it seems to me like this is going in very stereotypical directions, and it doesn't make me interested in what's going on at all.

also i'm not too keen on the calculated "hi i can't be trusted with power don't you just want to see what i do when i inevitably get it" thing, but maybe that's just me too?
 
Re: Project 132

Monobear said:
i'm kinda bored by what i'm seeing/reading into

maybe i'm just overall tired of the whole "person from no real beginning living in an area with potentially dangerous things hinted at all around at the very beginning of the event suddenly finds themselves in the midst of something much bigger that has something to do with ancient feuds and mysterious powers", but it seems to me like this is going in very stereotypical directions, and it doesn't make me interested in what's going on at all.

also i'm not too keen on the calculated "hi i can't be trusted with power don't you just want to see what i do when i inevitably get it" thing, but maybe that's just me too?
Click to expand...
That criticism is fair enough, no matter how much I tend to deviate from typical formulas whenever I write something.

Anybody that's read Resolutions or TT can attest to that.

However, it doesn't make your criticisms any less valid: if I'm failing to catch your interest, then I'm the one at fault here.

Tabuufics aren't for everyone, I suppose.

But I would appreciate if you could tell me some ways that this could improve. This is the biggest criticism I've gotten in ages, so I'm actually very interested in hearing your feedback, assuming you have any ways I can fix the problems you're complaining about.
 
Re: Project 132

well, when i read, i normally try to connect with the characters, i try to immerse myself in things like the characters, the setting they're in, the moral dilemmas they face, etc. i like to have characters that realistically reflect something about people in general, and so when i read, i actually care about what's going on with them.

and the thing is, i can tell you're putting thought into the setting and developing the characters. two-thirds of the chapter was pretty much just that. the problem i have is that neither the characters nor the setting they're in seem like they're actually ones i can relate to. they have to have some relatable character traits other than "hi i'm depressed and can't be trusted and the world kinda sucks". if that's not there, why waste my time reading about how these characters go through all the stuff you're presumably going to put them through?

i'd focus on making them actually show some sort of trait people will be able to relate to besides depression, and give them ways of overcoming the situation that actually says something worth reading.
 
Re: Project 132

I think he's referring to the fact that none of them seem actually happy or anything.

also bop i think you're reading way too deeply into this for this early in the story

i mean i usually refrain from praise/criticism until i actually know what's going on
 
Re: Project 132

I read the prologue. My main criticism, I think, would be that all of the characters' dialogue sounds like it should be said in Christian Bale's Batman voice. I think in trying to emphasize the "oh-my-goodness-fuck-this-is-incredibly-awesome-and-the-characters-are-fucking-badasses" you went a little bit too far.

Other than that it seems fine. It's just the prologue, can't really judge.
 
Re: Project 132

Gideon Gordon Graves said:
I read the prologue. My main criticism, I think, would be that all of the characters' dialogue sounds like it should be said in Christian Bale's Batman voice. I think in trying to emphasize the "oh-my-goodness-fuck-this-is-incredibly-awesome-and-the-characters-are-fucking-badasses" you went a little bit too far.

Other than that it seems fine. It's just the prologue, can't really judge.
Click to expand...
can you please, please try reading the first chapter

It's right there, man.
 
Re: Project 132

See signature.

I decided to move to an update schedule where my two Projects are updated every Saturday. I'm moving to a quota of having a single writing job done every two days, and to write at least a page of Conversion each day.

By the way- while the quota is to have an update for each of the two fictions every week, there may be times when I'm particularly inspired and go for adding more than one update at once.

The weekly schedule will probably help me put more thought and substance into these updates, as well.

Project Aviate is structured like a video game, so those stages may be as short as ever, but Project 132 is meant to be structured like a novel, so I'll be trying to avoid having short updates for that from here on out.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back