The Power of Pokemon: Team Rocket's Revenge

M

marioman1213

ROSERADE HAS RETURNED! ...As a Bombchu.
I need any one who wants to sign up's Trainer name, Pokemon and their moves, and the such.

Here's me:
Jaden
Roserade:
Razor Leaf
Absorb
Water Sport
Poison Jab
Scizor:
X-scizzor
Flash Cannon
Double Hit
Iron Defense
Butterfree:
Attract
Shadow Ball
Bug Buzz
Electroweb
Swoobat:
Heart Stamp
Air Cutter
Aerial Ace
Confusion
Samurott:
Protect
Water Gun
Ice Beam
Night Slash
Smoochum:
Ice Punch
Zen Headbutt
Blizzard
Psychic

Note: Moves will be stronger in story than the real game.
 
What's your team?
 
Eh why not


Red
Pikachu
Thunder
Rain Dance
Mega Kick
Thunderbolt
Charizard
Blast Burn
Fire Blast
Hyper Beam
Fly
Blastoise
Hydro Cannon
Hydro Pump
Blizzard
Surf
Venusaur
Frenzy Plant
SolarBeam
Giga Impact
Body Slam
Espeon
Psychic
Future Sight
Take Down
Iron Tail
Snorlax
Rest
Sleep Talk
Focus Blast
Earthquake



Personality: shady, doesn't talk much, came down from Mt. Silver because he was bored, and since he beat Team Rocket single-handedly ten years ago, he is pretty much the best guy on the team. He also has every Pokemon at level 100, and they all have perfect IVs
 
Eh. I'll try it.

Rin

Espeon
Psychic
Hyper beam
Tackle
Leer (If it can learn that. If not, put Hypnosis)

Umbreon
Crunch
Taunt
Hyper beam
Tackle

Flareon
Flamethrower
Fire blast
Ember
Tackle

Vaporeon
Surf
Water gun
Bubble beam
Tackle

Jolteon
Thunder wave
Thunder
Tackle
Hyper beam (If it can learn it. If not, put Spark)

Glaceon
Blizzard
Ice beam
Tackle
Ice punch
--
Yes, I realize they're all Eeveelutions
 
Prologue:

After a few years on Mt. Silver, Red, the famous Pokemon champion, looked at his Pikachu. "You know what," he said. "It's becoming really boring up here." "Pika!" Pikachu agreed. Then Red heard footsteps coming in their direction. "Well Pikachu, we've got company," Red whispered.

Pikachu let out a startled gasp. "Oh, no," a moan escaped from his throat. It was a member of Team Rocket. "I thought you were depressed that you were defeated four times already, and you would never show you're face," Red smiled, "Giovanni." Giovanni grinned. "It's been awhile, Red. Hope you haven't been slacking." "Oh yeah? Go, Pikachu!" Pikachu jumped on front of Red. "Go, Rhydon!" Giovanni yelled as he threw a Pokeball into the air. A Rhydon appeared in a flash of light.

"Pikachu, Mega Kick!" Red commanded. Pikachu foot began to glow. He kicked Rhydon. Rhydon didn't even flinch. "Rhydon, Horn Drill!" Giovanni ordered. Rhydon's horn started rotating, then slammed into Pikachu. Pikachu fell to the ground, defeated. "Pikachu!" Red gasped. "I just wanted to tell you," said Giovanni as he hopped onto his Rhydon and swam down the river, "Team Rocket is back."
 
You should put that into paragraphs instead of one big block of text.

Other than that, looks good.
 
Hey Rin, I'm gonna replace Glaceon's Ice Punch with Ice Beam.
 
Thanks for the inspiration. :mad:
 
*facepalm*
 
That isn't exactly making my writing better if you say it's terrible.
 
Well, you could ask, "Mr. Nabber, why do you think my story is terrible?" Then I would tell you, and you would be able to improve.
 
Pokémon Trainer Nate said:
pikachu dont die!
Click to expand...
He won't die, Horn Drill's a one-hit KO.

Well, he might later...

Nabber said:
Well, you could ask, "Mr. Nabber, why do you think my story is terrible?" Then I would tell you, and you would be able to improve.
Click to expand...
Mr.? You think I'm gonna call you MR.?
 
Why do you think it's terrible?
 
Roserade said:
Hey Rin, I'm gonna replace Glaceon's Ice Punch with Ice Beam.
Click to expand...
No big deal.

I would've put that but I forgot about that move.
 
Well, for one thing, it's short. Really short. In fact, you typed that in - what, five minutes? Second of all, hard to read. Only one person gets to speak in a paragraph. That's a grammar rule, I'm not making it up. The story starts out way too fast, with no introduction, explanation of anything (I've never beaten a Pokemon game, so I'm completely clueless.) Then you actually write a Pokemon battle in the story, which is nothing but a glorified game battle.

From a villain's point of view, Giovanni's actions don't make sense. Why did he go and battle Red? This did nothing but reveal Rocket's presence, except instill fear in Red's heart. That's not a fair trade-off, especially when you realize Red is only going to train harder now.

There's no description, and you don't have a very good writing style. At least you've got the grammar down, but that doesn't make up for the rest of this "chapter".
 
Ghost Nappa said:
Well. This escalated quickly.
Click to expand...
e31.jpg

Sorry. Had to do that!
 
It was not that bad, I noticed some grammatical errors, but that was it.

I'll sign up if possible:
White
Gengar
Shadow Ball
Shadow Pulse
Lick
Night Slash
Froslass
Ominous Wind
Ice Beam
Confuse Ray
Blizzard
Poochyena
Bite
Crunch
Sucker Punch
Payback
Zoroark
Night Slash
Night Daze
Fling
Fury Swipes
Dusknoir
Fire Punch
Ice Punch
Thunder Punch
Shadow Punch
Darkarai
Dream Eater
Shadow Ball
Shadow Pulse
Dark Void

Evil, if possible.
 
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