So, yeah, I wrote a poem when I wasn't in the best of moods, but I think it turned out pretty good.
Yeah... It's just a little something I came up with... Thoughts?
Yeah... It's just a little something I came up with... Thoughts?
I wrote a poem
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Don't center-align your poems for starters.
It sounds kind of cliche, and I think maybe you should put more imagery. It doesn't sound poetic at the moment. Maybe some poetric devices such as some cadence, alliteration, metaphors, imagery, and similies can be used more often. The "really" of "hurt really bad" doesn't sound right; it sounds too informal. Perhaps the fourth stanza can be completely omitted; remember, show the reader, don't tell. The repetition in the last two lines probably needs to be revised as well, as it is a common habit of amateur poetry writers to make a repetition immediately after a line such as this:
I like this.
This thing.
The repetition is a nice touch, though, with "do you feel like this, and you want to do this, but this action doesn't occur".
I've been in creative writing, where I had to write a few poems, so I hope you understand what I'm talking about.
It sounds kind of cliche, and I think maybe you should put more imagery. It doesn't sound poetic at the moment. Maybe some poetric devices such as some cadence, alliteration, metaphors, imagery, and similies can be used more often. The "really" of "hurt really bad" doesn't sound right; it sounds too informal. Perhaps the fourth stanza can be completely omitted; remember, show the reader, don't tell. The repetition in the last two lines probably needs to be revised as well, as it is a common habit of amateur poetry writers to make a repetition immediately after a line such as this:
I like this.
This thing.
The repetition is a nice touch, though, with "do you feel like this, and you want to do this, but this action doesn't occur".
I've been in creative writing, where I had to write a few poems, so I hope you understand what I'm talking about.
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Well, every poem I've seen is center-aligned like that...
And it's my first poem. Do you really expect it to be that good? It's just something I wanted to share, and I wasn't expecting to publish it or anything. I'm honestly not that good at creative writing anyways, so I don't think you'd expect anything I create to be really good. At least I try, though.
But it's not like I'm going to be as "perfect" and "experienced" as other authors who pretty much write all the time and have tons of "experience". You guys' (I'm talking about a lot of people here) expectations are way too high. I still am just starting out. Don't expect me to be perfect. I try my best, and that is that.
That is why I never post my writing work online anymore.
And it's my first poem. Do you really expect it to be that good? It's just something I wanted to share, and I wasn't expecting to publish it or anything. I'm honestly not that good at creative writing anyways, so I don't think you'd expect anything I create to be really good. At least I try, though.
But it's not like I'm going to be as "perfect" and "experienced" as other authors who pretty much write all the time and have tons of "experience". You guys' (I'm talking about a lot of people here) expectations are way too high. I still am just starting out. Don't expect me to be perfect. I try my best, and that is that.
That is why I never post my writing work online anymore.
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Oh, okay. I see.
Sorry about that.
And also, this one was kind of just describing my feelings at the time I wrote it, so I wasn't really thinking about the imagery part.
The center-aligned thing, I kind of disagree with though. If you look on FictionPress and read some of the poetry, you'll most likely find a lot of center-aligned stuff.
Sorry about that.
And also, this one was kind of just describing my feelings at the time I wrote it, so I wasn't really thinking about the imagery part.
The center-aligned thing, I kind of disagree with though. If you look on FictionPress and read some of the poetry, you'll most likely find a lot of center-aligned stuff.
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Center alignment isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it makes it hard for you to see how long your lines are in comparison with one another.
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Okay, than would this help?
If I write it out first, and then center align it?
I think that's what other people do
If I write it out first, and then center align it?
I think that's what other people do
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Just don't center align in basic poetry format. I've been strongly discouraged in creative writing to do that thing. Unless you're aiming for a particular style, keep the alignment to the left.
You were asking for some critiques, and that's what I did. That being said, however, the only way to get better at poetry is to practice and practice while learning about rhythms, cadence and poetic techniques.
It's a good thing that you're being honest about your writing. To make poetry sound like you talking, that's one thing you should aim for.
Your poem is far from bad, by the way. I've seen much worse ones in creative writing, and those are... suggestive and a tad NSFW.
You were asking for some critiques, and that's what I did. That being said, however, the only way to get better at poetry is to practice and practice while learning about rhythms, cadence and poetic techniques.
It's a good thing that you're being honest about your writing. To make poetry sound like you talking, that's one thing you should aim for.
Your poem is far from bad, by the way. I've seen much worse ones in creative writing, and those are... suggestive and a tad NSFW.
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What you don't want, Rin, is for
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to look like
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without that being your stylistic intent. You can have your poem center-aligned if you like, but when writing it, align it to the left to make sure the above issue isn't an issue. It's a way to avoid needless clutter, and it gives you an opportunity to see if you can use less or better words to more effectively express an idea. I'm not specifically referring to this poem, just offering a suggestion for future ones. This one is pretty nice.
xxx
xxxxxx
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xxxxxx
xxx
to look like
xxx
xxxxxx
xxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxx
xxx
xxxxx
xxxxxxx
xxx
xxxxxx
xx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxx
xxxxx
without that being your stylistic intent. You can have your poem center-aligned if you like, but when writing it, align it to the left to make sure the above issue isn't an issue. It's a way to avoid needless clutter, and it gives you an opportunity to see if you can use less or better words to more effectively express an idea. I'm not specifically referring to this poem, just offering a suggestion for future ones. This one is pretty nice.
New Super Mario
Ghirahim
I like poems that rhyme, but you know, it's not that big of a deal.
also you should add a metaphor. those things are deep.
also you should add a metaphor. those things are deep.
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Many many poems don't rhyme, though. Don't force a rhyme, especially when you're attempting a glum mood. It makes it laughable rather than solemn.
Olaf said:
Going with LGM, I have a lot of teachers that find rhyme schemes to be a bit...silly, since it makes you think of Dr. Suess books. I mean, great if you can rhyme, but as long as there is steady flow and a great sense of wording and such then it'll be fine.