My seemingly endless Lonelines

yoshiking14x

yoshiking14x

Retired
Why am I like this?
When I was younger, every kid I met end up rejecting me, even when I was not provoking anyone on purpose. No one played with me and were ridiculously mean like not letting me join them and when I wanted to do something myself, kids bothered me too.
“No!” “You are weird” are the most heard insults.
At middle school I tried different personalities such as the class clown, the smart one, the cool sidekick(didn't last long), being myself who is a attempt to be the nicest as possible. But everyone abused me or ignored me. This is the same with the rest of my High School Years. It was obvious that they didn't like me. My bags for Valentine candy or cards were mostly from my teachers or from students who where forced to give me.

Even today I am patronized or ignored. I am always at the bottom of the pecking line, not that I want to bother somebody.

This is another reason I came here, just to stop my isolation.


Has anyone experienced this?
 
Everyday of my entire school life until a tornado destroyed my school my senior year. I kind of gotten used to it and made it a norm for me. Just like as a coping method.

But yeah I always felt isolated everywhere irl, but rarely online.
 
memories of always being last to be picked in any team in pe haunt my nightmares. also, i was always isolated when people were allowed to pick their own groups. of course i became disdainful of others my age even though i think it's just because i'm very socially awkward and i haven't adapted any social skills, plus i'm very shy and judgmental of myself.

but when community college rolled around, people were a lot nicer and mature, and i can hold conversations with them pretty well. the experience is overall more pleasant...in fact, i've met people who talked less than me when it comes to forcing others in a class to start a conversation.

you're not the only one who was alone in his life. don't let the feeling of loneliness overcome you, i'm absolutely certain there's someone in this world who would want to accept you and talk to you.
 
Is there someone who looks up to you?

I don't know what's making them reject me. It looks like I have a invisible offensive sign that somehow everyone can see. I seem to look normal.

I also get nightmares of my ex-bullies coming back to abuse me.

Now I became socially awkward because of this and this wards off any potential friend.

This is not the first time this bothers me, sometimes my mind revives this.

Oops, I typed too late. But thanks for the advice.
 
I am hated by my the entirity of my grade, it seems, except for my close friends. I'm being serious, too. I'm one to often get stares and whispers and rumours and whatnot. It may not seem that bad, until you realize what they're whispering about. Like one girl said that "she'd murder me to get me to stop switching moods all the time", and everyone around her agreed (like 15 people). Like, excuse me for having little to no control over them. She also stated many other things about my clothes, hair, hands... There are some days where I've cried myself to sleep. It's only been 2 fucking months. I'm also rumoured to be a whore, and love every guy I sit remotely close to. Like, I'm not in love with the guy who recently beat me up, he just happens to be sitting near me while I played Smash Bros.
The main whispers aren't about people wanting to kill me, but they're nastier than average whispers. I'm figuring out how to make it stop. Lately, half of them have been seemingly getting nicer, but they are still kinda on the average whispering side. A quarter of them are beginning to be like the half, and the other quarter is the same it's always been.
There are 5 people that hate me more than anyone else, and I've grown to be anti-social and stay in my room all the time. I can't keep solid social media that they follow me in, I end up deleting the accounts or sending them into inactivity.

The people here on the boards are really friendly, like me and not like me. Here, I've had the most solid conversations that I've had in a long time, you all make me smile, and are the light side to what awaits me outside my door. I've grown attached to many, if not all, good users. You guys just always seem to be there for me...
The many positive moments these past two years have come from many conversations I have had with you. And for that, I thank you. :)
 
i used to be pretty lonely

but then i tried understand others viewpoints and chaning the way i live.

Although this after school though, and after many years i really have no reason to be lonely.

Great family, church family, and good friends on here made a pretty big difference.

Dunno if anyone looks up to me though, the closest it got was a kid from church named Jay said i was pretty awesome.

But i dunno if thats really him looking up to me though.
 
Stargazing, how come you don't talk to an adult or a counselor over how you feel or if you get suspicion that others are bullying you?
 
? Block said:
Stargazing, how come you don't talk to an adult or a counselor over how you feel or if you get suspicion that others are bullying you?
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Fear probably, a lot of people that get bullied are afraid of those people finding out and making it even worse or possibly even more violent.

I know that's what i thought when i got bullied by an entire school anyway.
 
I remember my twin and I got harassed by idiots..like I think almost sexually harassed by them (they drew pictures of two girls naked; they claim it isn't us but we were suspicious). I told the teacher or something and they ended up getting suspended, changed class, and they stopped bothering us.
 
? Block said:
I remember my twin and I got harassed by idiots..like I think almost sexually harassed by them (they drew pictures of two girls naked; they claim it isn't us but we were suspicious). I told the teacher or something and they ended up getting suspended, changed class, and they stopped bothering us.
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Well i know its better to inform people but not all schools care enough to do anything, but hers might. She just needs to build up the willpower to do so an see what happens.

That or fight back.
 
? Block said:
Stargazing, how come you don't talk to an adult or a counselor over how you feel or if you get suspicion that others are bullying you?
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The fact that three-quarters of the people are just about stopping is a great improvement from June, I would say, so since they're showing main signs, I'll just say a bunch of sentences and words and they'll leave me alone after about a day or so, I would say. I'm getting information on getting the specific 5 to stop, since they seem to be the hardcore ones and it will probably take more than a bunch of sentences to get them to stop. If they don't, then whatever, they're going to a different high school anyways (they're the jock kids, so they're off to the special sporting school), and everyone will just leave them be.

Watch everything fail miserbally, since I'll just lose my wording. I'm just so fucking scared about my grade, a lot of them are taller and heavier than my frame, and they may resort to something they are feared for...
So, I have this nice senario planned in my head (above) and it may not go as planned because they're so unpredicable...

I am the worst when it comes to talking to teachers and parents and councillers, so that's out.
 
I am lonely in university irl.

my only friends there are the cats that live in there.

...

I am pathetic ain't I. :'(
 
Sylveon said:
I am lonely in university irl.

my only friends there are the cats that live in there.

...

I am pathetic ain't I. :'(
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....that doesnt make you pathetic.

How much have you interacted with others?
 
Zae Eildus said:
Sylveon said:
I am lonely in university irl.

my only friends there are the cats that live in there.

...

I am pathetic ain't I. :'(
Click to expand...

....that doesnt make you pathetic.

How much have you interacted with others?
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Little to no interaction. Then again I am deaf irl and I think they'd get frustrated and wouldn't have the patience to make me understand what they are saying. plus I am shy and most of the time I tend to avoid most if not all eye contact with those who I haven't spoke.

except one guy in university, he's disabled like me too, just in a pretty different way involving body muscles I think.
 
I was in a point where I was desperately looking for friends and none of them are human:
1.A tiny pebble: got lost.
2.A bug: Flew Away
3. A imaginary friend: People sat where I imagined where he was sitting.

ALL are weird but are true.

When I was a sidekick, my “boss” always grabbed me by my ears to get my attention or just for his amusement. I quitted when he wanted me to bully a girl he hated.
 
Sylveon said:
Zae Eildus said:
Sylveon said:
I am lonely in university irl.

my only friends there are the cats that live in there.

...

I am pathetic ain't I. :'(
Click to expand...

....that doesnt make you pathetic.

How much have you interacted with others?
Click to expand...
Little to no interaction. Then again I am deaf irl and I think they'd get frustrated and wouldn't have the patience to make me understand what they are saying. plus I am shy and most of the time I tend to avoid most if not all eye contact with those who I haven't spoke.

except one guy in university, he's disabled like me too, just in a pretty different way involving body muscles I think.
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...oh that would be hard, mainly for you though.

I'd ask about your deaf situation but that sounds ungodly inconsiderate.

Although i encourage you to try though, loneliness can destroy your mind if you let it.

But you shouldn't call yourself pathetic because your supposed "only friends" being cats. Animals are great things to have around you, common moral boosters and even get people out of depression.

I know my puppy madi has really made a difference on my depression over the years.
 
It's nice knowing I'm not really the only one who has ever felt like this. I've had my fair share of being lonely and, really, having no friends that I physically know. It's honestly been the biggest root in me having suffered from depression for five years and somewhat still counting, whenever I relapse and whatnot. I used to be shy like mad for years until I came out of my shell a year ago and started really talking to my classmates, including one that became a relationship and another that has become my best friend; along with that, I've become friends with a handful of college girls (because my dad coaches them) and guys and stuff. Unfortunately, having been dumped out of the relationship with the classmate (with very, very bad closing) and sometimes random college people being dicks has kind of closed me off into shells a lot of times, and it's incredibly frustrating. It's why I love this place so much because it's been my home since '08 and I can always turn to this place and you guys for a good smile because it's really the counter to my feeling and sense of loneliness.

But it's ridiculously frustrating either way. My emotions tend to get the better of me and it really screws me over with people and their emotions or attitudes. It's why I've been slowly trying to change myself so things like that or loneliness don't bother me. I've become a lot more talkative and flamboyant over the past few months, and especially these past few weeks, and it honestly has really helped.
 
oh boy I remember being THE social outcast whom nobody wants to talk to unless they want help with school work. I still probably am but the difference is, I make myself think I'm in control of it, like "people don't talk to me because I put my music in way too loud for me to hear anyone." People also talk to me more the longer I've been here in high school (and now I suspect someone actually likes me um), so I'd like to say it gets better but...sometimes it really doesn't, but taking control of your situation helps a LOT. (because it changes your mindset)
 
due to the fact that i've been homeschooled 100% of my life i've not had alot of frequent contact with people around my age, the major exception being people at church who I never really got along that particularly well with, especially after I came out earlier this year at which point they just started being flatout assholes. there's also been a few people that've moved in around where I live but the second they get know me they think i'm weird or not "cool" enough for them or whatever and then bam rip socialization them. it's occurred to me that I could try to change myself to try to fit in, but fuck that if people don't like the way I am they're not worth being friends with anyways and they can go fuck themselves for all I care.

so yeah basically i've never had real friends nor do I think I will get any in the near future. it's gotten to point where I just laugh at the situation whenever I think about it, as i've resorted to doing in order to cope with other real life shit. (however I do still get in these severely depressed moods every now and then, but they typically don't last long, thankfully.)
 
In school, I'm pretty much the kid that nobody wants to do anything with. I try to be funny and entertaining but it always seems to come off as annoying to everyone. I do have friends, but most of them are only in one or two of my classes, or they're sitting on the other side of the room. Whenever there's a group activity (most commonly in French class) I always end up working by myself. Some kids who I previously considered my friends have become hateful of me. There's even a few kids who have repeatedly threatened to fight me, but thankfully it's never happened. I really feel horrible when i'm outside of the house, because people hate me so much. I'm glad I can at least talk to you guys without feeling hated or left out. Here, it seems like people are always accepting of everyone as long as you don't legitimately act like a dick.
 
A group of students were being mean to me because I choosed not to joined them, because they belittled others. They are more of the harraser type of bullies. One of them touched me in a uncomfortable way that I developed a fear of the touch of sneaky hands. Those guys were too smug to me and called me a old man or a señorita. I never report them because I hardly knew their names, yet somehow they knew mine(creepy). They won't be a trouble now because I got a Year Book.
 
DragonFreak said:
yoshiking14x said:
They are more of the harraser type of bullies. One of them touched me in a uncomfortable way that I developed a fear of the touch of sneaky hands.
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That...sounds like sexual harassment. And you should really tell a teacher if it is if nothing else.
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I think it's too late, since I already graduated. But still horrifying.
 
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