EXPERIMENT OVER ~Thanks for participating!~

Re: A great story

EVERYONE! Don't accuse this guy of all this stuff your saying just because he wants to write a story. Maybe he has feelings. What if you posted a story and people started saying "Oh, this is crap" and "WTF is this junk?" I wouldn't like it, and you probally would'nt either.


@Nintendobsessed

One tip. Write Neater!
 
Re: A great story

It's not because we're trying to hurt him.

It's because we're trying to find out why he/she?'s posting this.
 
Re: A great story

1- This needs better grammar.
2- Why are you posting this here, and not somewhere like Userpedia or Fictionpress?
3- Did you come here just to post this?

I don't want to sound like a jerk or anything, but this is how I feel about your story right now.
 
Re: A great story

OJ said:
EVERYONE! Don't accuse this guy of all this stuff your saying just because he wants to write a story. Maybe he has feelings. What if you posted a story and people started saying "Oh, this is crap" and "WTF is this junk?" I wouldn't like it, and you probally would'nt either.


@Nintendobsessed

One tip. Write Neater!
Click to expand...

Well, if you publish something on the Internet, you have to expect critique. And this is bad.
 
Re: A great story

Andrew Hussie said:
I don't want to insult you...

BUT THIS IS THE OPPOSITE OF GREAT.

IT'S BAD.
Click to expand...

Are you really Andy? I can acept your opinon.


STOKAL
Based on a true life story

Part 5
By Nintendoobsessed

It was soft. The ground I mean. I looked around. I was DEEP under the ground. It was dark. But I saw something moving! It was a man. He looked tired. Someone new? He said. Who are you? I asked. My name is...wait your a MCP spy arent you? No. I tried to stop him but... Hmph! he smirked. He mutterd something about "Physihly invincible. "How would you know that?" I said. "I helped create him". What? "You heard me" he said. Me and um, leader built him. But...what are you doing here then? I said. Its a long story. Tell me, I said. Okey, I was forced to help him. We made a deal that if he didnt- Wait, your a kid. Dont, misjudge me, I growled. Fine, -kill me for information, he would be able to kill me beacause I would know more. So I helped HER, He said. Her? I thought. "So I built it for her and her system threw me down here" he sighed. Look kid, you cant stop them. There are so many. The robots, Commander Computer, MCP, MCPs security hard drive, and leader.

The claw grabbed James and started pulling him. He grabbed the handel again, dropping to the floor.

"Fine, youe convinced me. Mario said. "Here, I cant get out of here, but you can. He handed me a strange lokking sword. This sword contains bugs and Errors that kills computers". He said. A strange sound came from the sky. It was a monsterous claw. It grabbed Mario and took him up. Goodbye he yelled. Use the sword to stop-! "What"? I yelled. But he was too high. I sighed.

Jonah was yelling. You cant get away with this! He yelled at the MPC. Is this all you humans say? Said the MPC. A strange man was pulled up by a claw. NOW!!! said the MPC. You will tell me where the master is, or you will be skinned. I will nerver tell you what happened to- 'SLAP'! It was a child. My original group. Go and kill the child. The jumped into the hole.

Next Time: Look for Part 6. And NEW character.

To be continued...
 
Re: A great story

Nintendoobsessed said:
SkywardSwordLink said:
Sorry but this is not mario related
Click to expand...
Mario will be in the next chapter.
Click to expand...
Well, someone named Mario was in the chapter...

It still has nothing to do with Mario.

Nintendoobsessed said:
Andrew Hussie said:
I don't want to insult you...

BUT THIS IS THE OPPOSITE OF GREAT.

IT'S BAD.
Click to expand...
Are you really Andy? I can acept your opinon.
Click to expand...
Actually, that would be FireKirby. He decided to take Hussie's name because Hussie is pretty funny.
 
Re: A great story

Vlad Plasmius said:
2- Why are you posting this here, and not somewhere like Userpedia or Fictionpress?
3- Did you come here just to post this?
Click to expand...
2- Because he already has an account here
3- if you couldn't tell, he has over 100 posts.
 
Re: A great story

Nintendoobsessed said:
Andrew Hussie said:
I don't want to insult you...

BUT THIS IS THE OPPOSITE OF GREAT.

IT'S BAD.
Click to expand...

Are you really Andy? I can acept your opinion.
Click to expand...

So. You accept his opinion because you think it's someone you know, whereas you won't accept any of our opinions.
That's very biased.
 
Re: A great story

I don't even know what STOKAL means.
Something interesting: his earlier posted stories didn' have this horrible writing. What happened?
 
Re: A great story

Nabber said:
So. You accept his opinion because you think it's someone you know, whereas you won't accept any of our opinions.
That's very biased.
Click to expand...

Hussi is a legend. Are you a legend?


STOKAL
based on a true life story

Part 6
by Nintendoobsessed

He was gone. My guide to the MCP. But I had a feeling he wasent telling me everything about his enounter of "the leader". There was something deeper to the story. Something fell at me. It was the robot kids! It was time to test the sorwd.

Far away, on Monroe St., Susie,s mom realized something. "Shes late...her bus hasent arrived. Little did she know Susie was trapped in her classroom. "I will call the office." She said. Everything will be fine." The sound of phone clicks echoed through the house.

"Stop touching me!" Ryan yelled. He was in the office. "A fiesty one is good" said Commander Computer. CC revealed a hole and shoved Ryan down it. The last thing Ryan heard was the ring of a phone.

I swung the sowrd at them. I smashed it in thier chests and they exploded in sparks. That worked nice. I will call this sowrd...Sparks. It was nice. A claw grabbed me and I was back in the computer room. I could hear shrieks coming from the computer office. The MPC stared. A sowrd? That must be Marios! Howwww! Yarrg! I threw the Sparks at the MCP it made a tiny dent. His giant claw grabbed the sowrd. Sparks came out of the claw. He dropped me. I grabbed Sparks and bolted out of the computer room, sheriks behind me.

In Susies 2nd grade class, her best friend, Kennedy was acting strangely. The other kids were crying, beacause freedom was blocked by a lazor that vaporized there teacher. The windows and the other doors were blocked by lazers. Then, her friend roared 10... Susie ran to the door realizing it was a bomb. 9... she realized she needed to put a lot of matter in the door. 8... she grabbed her chair and threw it at the lazer. 7... She grabbed her friend. 6... it was a bomb. She threw it. 5... It fell to the floor.

Next Time: Look for Part 7. and escape plan!

To be countinued...
 
Re: A great story

Nabber Simpson said:
As good as usual.
Click to expand...

Thank you. :)


Part 7
by Nintendoobsessed

5...She picked up Kennedy again. 4...She threw with true aim. 3... It hit the lazer. 2... A explosion enswed. 1.1.1.1.1.1.1! "She" screamed. The lazer was gone. Susie ran, screaming out of the room. And down the hallway to the computer room.

The claw grabbed James again. He didnt escape this time.

Marios screams echoed. Tell us Mario! Tell us! Said the skinning computer. "NO!" He yelled. Fine, next....-No! Fine I will tell you. NO! said the computer. Tell me the biggining! "Not the BIGGINING!" He yelled. More screams echoed throughout the school.

I ran down the hallway. Up ahead, a little girl was sobbing she tripped to the floor. "We're all gonna dieee!" She cried. More shrieks echoed behind me. What grade are you? I asked. S-S-Second. she sobbed. So... Commander Computer only attacked that corner of the school... An idea sparked in me. We have to get to the roof I said. We would attract attention.

Ryan cried in the prison.

How DO we get onto the roof asked Susie. Mr. Scoot uses a secret passage to the roof. Follow me, Its in the Cafetaria. As we walked by the office we saw Commander Computer doing something to a phone. We snuck by to the theartre (basiclly) area, and climbed up a ladder. We found ourselves on the roof. We looked out. Only one car was coming our way. "Hey!" Said Susie. Thats my moms car! "Wave to her quick"! I said. She waved, but she screamed. She was being pulled by 78 robot kids. They attacked me too. I was pulled by the crowd. They pulled me to the floor. They crowded me, and pulled me to the floor. I was slown led by the crowd.

"Finnnneee!" Said Mario. Irll tell you...

Next Time: Look for Part 8. MCP Files!
 
Re: A great story

Dr. Javelin said:
Well...it was...slightly better...

Because there were some quotation marks.
Click to expand...

Its hard to remmember them.


STOKAL
based on a true story

Part 8
by Nintendoobsessed

I couldent hurt them. They were human, so Sparks didnt work. But it wapped them. I finnaly escaped from them. I ran to the office, crazed. Then I reammemberd. Susie! But the crowd was gone. I would have to save her later. I hurried to the room where I found the ROM. I smelled something familar. I grabbed a CD marked "Progect Nitro". Mrs. Ball came in and grabbed me!!! I kicked her in the kneecap and ran out the upper door. I ran across the empty gym. I was going to rescue Susie. I hurried into the computer room and-

"Okey," said Mario. It was a night. I was a 1st class marine. Some of the guys saw something weird on the radar near our base.

-I tripped onto the metal floor. I could hear laughing, and a "Foooolllll!" Shut- he picked me up with his robo claws. "You arent leaving THIS time". He said. He threw me into a mess of computers. A horrible maze.

Ryan SCREAMED in the prison.

Susies mom picked up the phone. Hello? She asked. Hmm? What are you talking about she said. What? Whos MCP? She asked. It was too late. The phone was dead.

Commander Computer picked up the phone. What? He said. A human? The MCP Will be greatly disturbed! He slamedd down the phone and went to report the disturbance.

"Im going to the school immediatly" She thought. As she got up to the school, she gasped. Her Susie was on the roof with another boy! But then Susie disapeerd from sight. She ran out of her car to the school. Right to the door. She slamed herself upon it. The door was locked with security.

Next Time: Look for maze! Look for Love! Look for Murder! LOOK for Part 9!

To be continued...
 
Re: A great story

"Stop touching me!" Ryan yelled. He was in the office. "A fiesty one is good" said Commander Computer. CC revealed a hole and shoved Ryan down it. The last thing Ryan heard was the ring of a phone.
Click to expand...

This story is objectively fucking amazing and anyone who dares imply that it is anything less than pure genius is certifiably wrong.
 
Re: A great story

Nabber Simpson said:
Nintendoobsessed said:
Dr. Javelin said:
Well...it was...slightly better...

Because there were some quotation marks.
Click to expand...

Its hard to remmember them.
Click to expand...

Hard to remember quotation marks??? You're kidding me.
Click to expand...
Maybe he texts waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much
Glowsquid said:
"Stop touching me!" Ryan yelled. He was in the office. "A fiesty one is good" said Commander Computer. CC revealed a hole and shoved Ryan down it. The last thing Ryan heard was the ring of a phone.
Click to expand...

This story is objectively *bleep*ing amazing and anyone who dares imply that it is anything less than pure genius is certifiably wrong.
Click to expand...
lol
 
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