Lord of the Sysops

Perry the Platypus said:
It's already over for waker its so sad
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did you not read what happened at the end
Nabber said:
Oh, it was this story.

You ruined the whole story in the second sentence.
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Waa too much like version 1.0
 
It's just an edited version of the previous one but I'll let that slide. To say, it is a good hook.
 
“Yes, however, I have noticed that some users are unaffected by its power”
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Was that an important plot point you just mentioned?

you need to slip these in really inconspicuously, then you can pop up and yell HA to your readers later.

Other than a period missing in the sentence above I didn't find much else wrong with this. Not much to critique yet.
 
Dude, I'm a dude who likes to say dude.

Considering that neither of us has a computer, I doubt it'll be around anytime soon.
 
Oh okay. Are you going to do a whole new story or are you going to do what you did with the prologue, the same thing with names switched around?
 
Li Xingke said:
Oh okay. Are you going to do a whole new story or are you going to do what you did with the prologue, the same thing with names switched around?
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Well, I basically wanted to change quite a few things that I really didn't like.
 
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