The ShadeMaster-- No More Sign-ups necessary (but you can still sign up!)

Re: The ShadeMaster

Icanhasgoomba said:
Good! I'm done with sign-ups! Now I'll post the story when I'm done.
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Where are you going to post the story at?
 
Re: The ShadeMaster

Userpedia, but he says he'll put a link here. I'm like his attendant for this, since he is busy right now writing the story. "It is going well" says he.
 
Re: The ShadeMaster

I am going to make sure to review this completely when it comes out.

When can I expect the first chapter?
 
Re: The ShadeMaster

My brother is busy right now struggling to make a gif his avatar. His thread is getting a lot of posts (in the helpdesk of course) but none are really helping.
 
Re: The ShadeMaster

Lolcrawler said:
My brother is busy right now struggling to make a gif his avatar.
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wow
All you have to do is save copy the link MM15 posted and put in in your profile.
 
Re: The ShadeMaster

Nabber said:
I am going to make sure to review this completely when it comes out.
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I apologize, but I cannot make a complete review of this. I'll make a quick summary: you need to work on your grammar, explain things better, be more descriptive, and for crying out loud, you didn't need that many bullet points taking up my screen in the middle of the page.

Overall, 3/10.
 
Re: The ShadeMaster

The grammar looked fine as far as I could see except you forgot a few commas.

Nabber's right about being more descriptive. You need to add more detail, for example describing the mountain.

He's also right about the bullet points.

About 6.1/10 for me.
 
Re: The ShadeMaster

I'll say something as well.

The bullet points, were just dumb, they served no purpose and were an eyesore, also, i wasn't exactly sure what was going on. It says a screen pulls out with Mario on it, then suddenly he is beating Kamek and Bowser up?

Also this "Beast" they were following, no description on it, except a name. Is it big? Is it purple? WHY DOES IT HAVE AN ENGINE? Doesn't make much sense to me.

Also, WHERE ARE THESE PEOPLE. You only specify a mountain, as someone who tries to imagine everything he reads, it was kinda confusing.

4/10 for now.
 
Re: The ShadeMaster

ChaoticLeo said:
I'll say something as well.

The bullet points, were just dumb, they served no purpose and were an eyesore, also, i wasn't exactly sure what was going on. It says a screen pulls out with Mario on it, then suddenly he is beating Kamek and Bowser up?

Also this "Beast" they were following, no description on it, except a name. Is it big? Is it purple? WHY DOES IT HAVE AN ENGINE? Doesn't make much sense to me.

Also, WHERE ARE THESE PEOPLE. You only specify a mountain, as someone who tries to imagine everything he reads, it was kinda confusing.

4/10 for now.
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First of all, at one point I said it was Tatanga.
And do you think I should
A. Enhance the prologue and continue writing
B. Ignore the problems in the prologue and continue
C. Or just stop once and for all and acknowledge
 
Re: The ShadeMaster

I'd go with A.
Don't make the mistake I made with C.
 
Re: The ShadeMaster

D, pay attention to the problems in the prologue, and make sure they don't happen again in the next chapters.
 
Re: The ShadeMaster

Nabber said:
D, pay attention to the problems in the prologue, and make sure they don't happen again in the next chapters.
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I say do option D.
 
Re: The ShadeMaster

Okay, on your insistence I will continue onward. I hope that these next Chapters will be more successful.
 
Re: The ShadeMaster

Icanhasgoomba said:
ChaoticLeo said:
I'll say something as well.

The bullet points, were just dumb, they served no purpose and were an eyesore, also, i wasn't exactly sure what was going on. It says a screen pulls out with Mario on it, then suddenly he is beating Kamek and Bowser up?

Also this "Beast" they were following, no description on it, except a name. Is it big? Is it purple? WHY DOES IT HAVE AN ENGINE? Doesn't make much sense to me.

Also, WHERE ARE THESE PEOPLE. You only specify a mountain, as someone who tries to imagine everything he reads, it was kinda confusing.

4/10 for now.
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First of all, at one point I said it was Tatanga.
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I know, i said that. "Also this "Beast" they were following, no description on it, except a name."

BUT WHAT THE CRAP IS A TATANGA.
 
Re: The ShadeMaster

For me grammar looks fine (although I'm not good enough in English to see if it's really or not)
I agree you should do a bit more description.
 
Re: The ShadeMaster

Pokémon Trainer Nate said:
Name: creeper
role: hero
personality: he has an explosive personality (literally)
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Aren't the signups already done?
 
Re: The ShadeMaster

Well, time for me to actually carefully read this rather than skimming it.

Okay, it's an interesting POV of Mario cruising through Bowser's castle and defeating Bowser, but we don't actually know why he came this time. I hope you reveal it in Chapter 1, I can live with cliffhangers, but I hope this one doesn't go without explaining



Grammar and spelling are okay, but there's some stuff to fix like comma placement and some spelling mistakes/typos.

BTW, did Oban slit(?) Grimm's neck? If so, R.I.P. Grimm, a minor who only lived through one chapter and didn't even get to Chapter 1

I'd say it's an okay 6/10. Not bad of a story, though I'm not much of a critic I guess. I don't get amused or disappointed much. Don't rely too much on me.
 
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