Collab: Good writing

Toa 95 did a good job cleaning the history section of the Kerog page awhile back, but the characterization stuff is still insanely bad.

When Bowser was developed, he was a typical villain of pure evil with immense hatred and anger. Cruel and ruthless, he is typically portrayed as a power-hungry tyrant who leads violent attacks that threaten the lives of hundreds. Bowser's ultimate goal is to conquer the Mushroom Kingdom, and eventually, the entire universe. His infamous plans and numerous crimes, ranging from simply kidnapping Princess Peach to acts of terrorism, have earned him a reputation feared by the entire Mushroom World. While this status of evil is still very prevalent in the series, a humorous tone has recently been added to his personality and is shown to be more complex in terms of his relationships with his rivals. [...]

While his lack of apparent common-sense is widely evident, Bowser has also been shown on many occasions to be highly intelligent. Many of his plans often make use of high-tech equipment and complicated machinery, designed and built by himself. In Mario Party Advance, when the player arrives at Bowser Lab, Bowser claims to have an IQ of 9,800. He has also shown himself to be quite adept at use of various magics, both innate and talisman-based. He often develops strategies in his conquest of the Mushroom Kingdom as well as defense against Mario, as evidenced by his division of power among his Koopalings and various generals to act as governors over conquered lands, which is a sign of an intelligent and compromising leader. [...]


Bowser's temperament has been depicted varying from pure, driven evil to a comical child-like villain. Despite this widely-opposing personality, any emotions other than anger or hatred have rarely been shown. Bowser has never been seen acting remorseful for his numerous atrocities and destruction, ranging from the localized Mushroom Kingdom to the outermost reaches of the universe. He also seems to lack a sense of empathy, which results in a disregard for any other life. In Paper Mario, Mario's defeat at the hands of Bowser, to which Bowser simply mockingly laughs at, is essentially murder before Mario is revived by the combined energy of the Star Spirits. Perhaps Bowser's most extreme disregard for other life is in Super Mario Galaxy, where his plot consists of wiping out entire galaxies to create a cosmos he can control.
 
^Not to mention, the Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story section is way too long to be healthy. I'll see if I can do something about it during the following week.
 
I rewrote the Personality section just now. I got rid of the sections and tried to cut down on repetition, although when I tried making paragraphs for each specific aspect of his personality, it didn't work at all, so I just kinda tried to make it flow, and a lot of it ended up as being more game-by-gameish in nature.

There's a lot of focus on the RPGs, since that's where most of his personality comes from, but I tried to keep it as overviewy as possible (the only ones with more than a couple sentences were SPM, since there's a lot of depth there, and BIS, since it's a good overview of your typical RPG Bowser portrayal and worked as a bit of a summary for the section). Also, I don't know the Mario Party games too well, so I only included the MP4 stuff that was already there, and didn't bring in anything new.
 
Baby Luigi said:
I'm thinking we should put the Star Coin locations in a table, complete with images of a Star Coin location. That way, we use the walkthrough-like writing and describe the location of a Star Coin without needing vague words.

The problem is, though, acquiring good screenshots.
Really late reply, but I really like this idea. If everyone else is all right with it, I can start doing this.

I still have to finish the SMG2 articles.
 
Chilly said:
Baby Luigi said:
I'm thinking we should put the Star Coin locations in a table, complete with images of a Star Coin location. That way, we use the walkthrough-like writing and describe the location of a Star Coin without needing vague words.

The problem is, though, acquiring good screenshots.
Really late reply, but I really like this idea. If everyone else is all right with it, I can start doing this.

I still have to finish the SMG2 articles.

I'm usually not too interested the level articles, so you can go right ahead whenever you want.

Unless I obtain a ROM of New Super Mario Bros. Wii, which is highly unlikely anyway.
 
I've noticed that the "Official Profiles and Statistics" sections for a few of the more major characters are for the most part unorganized; profiles and stats just randomly shoved wherever with a game for the section name separating them. I fixed Bowser (obviously), Mario, Toad (his was pretty good, but still needed a bit of work), and Princess Peach earlier, and Waluigi's is as well, but these need to be organized (note that these are all that I have found so far):

*Daisy
*Wario
*Luigi
*Toadette
*Bowser Jr. could use a little work.
*Yoshi could also use a little work.
*Birdo
*Diddy Kong also needs a little work.
*Dry Bones as well.

Chiaki Nanami said:
^Not to mention, the Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story section is way too long to be healthy. I'll see if I can do something about it during the following week.

Well I tried shortening it a bit without cutting any main details. I guess that failed.

Plus, I doubt the Mario Party sections really need a description on what Bowser does when a Bowser space is landed on, not to mention Bowser Time in Mario Party 7 and the Bower events from the original.
 
I fixed up Toadette's section. It's not really that random; from what I seen from Toadette's article, the games are just ordered from the big picture of when they are released. Of course, I did what you said because I think it looks better that way
 
Baby Luigi said:
I fixed up Toadette's section. It's not really that random; from what I seen from Toadette's article, the games are just ordered from the big picture of when they are released. Of course, I did what you said because I think it looks better that way

Yeah, you're probably right about that (I didn't really look into it), but it just seems better to have them organized like the history section of the article.

EDIT: Actually, I am somewhat right; look at Luigi's section.
 
You're right. It's still kinda ordered from game release date to an extent, but why in the blithering madness is Mario Kart DS before Mario Kart Double Dash?
 
Baby Luigi said:
You're right. It's still kinda ordered from game release date to an extent, but why in the blithering madness is Mario Kart DS before Mario Kart Double Dash?

dunno lol.

It's also like that on the other pages; ordered for the most part correctly but still having errors.
 
Koopa Troop

[quote author=holy chicken of madness]The Koopa Troop (Japanese クッパ軍団 Kuppa gundan "Bowser Corps"), named as such in Super Mario RPG; also known as the Turtle Tribe (in the Super Mario Bros. instruction booklet, as well as the data for Mario in Super Smash Bros.), Koopa Pack (in The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!), Bowser Baddies (in Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga), the Koopa clan (in the Paper Mario series) or simply the Koopa is a militaristic dictatorship led by Bowser, King of the Koopas. The Koopa Troop wishes to take over the peaceful Mushroom Kingdom, and ultimately, the entire world and the entire Mushroom Universe. The Koopa Troop has taken over the Mushroom Kingdom multiple times and has even attempted to take over the Mushroom World, Dinosaur Land, and the Mushroom Universe. According to Kammy Koopa in Paper Mario, the motive for the clan is to have revenge against all who have treated Koopa Troopas poorly, though many their goals are based entirely on Bowser's own interests. Despite the name Koopa in the troop's name, the troop also contains enemies that aren't Koopas.

The Koopa Troop is unstoppable. Bowser has an unlimited supply of soldiers; the Koopa Troop also has an massive army such as (with tanks), a maritime navy (with battleships), an air force (with airships), and a space fleet with massive spacecrafts as seen in the Super Mario Galaxy series. Despite having such a huge military, the Koopa Troop is continuously defeated by the legendary Mario Brothers, the heroes of the Mushroom Universe, as well as those who assist the Mario Bros. on their missions to protect the Mushroom Universe (such as Toads). [/quote]
 
Even after I removed all sorts of crap in the paragraphs in Koopa Troop (militaristic dictatorship? REALLY?), the stupidly long list of enemies, villainous plans, and other stuff bug the hell out of me. Any suggestions?
 
Baby Luigi said:
Even after I removed all sorts of crap in the paragraphs in Koopa Troop (militaristic dictatorship? REALLY?), the stupidly long list of enemies, villainous plans, and other stuff bug the hell out of me. Any suggestions?
What about we get rid of the Main Soldiers of the Koopa Troop and Operatives and Field Agents of the Koopa Troop sections, because it is already covered by Category:Koopa Troop. As for the Villainous Plans section, I think it should stay. It's relevant to the article and I don't see anything wrong with it.
 
the stupidly long list of enemies, villainous plans, and other stuff bug the hell out of me. Any suggestions?

I'd say change the name of the headers ("Operatives"? "SUPREME Leader"? And someone should learn what "subsidiary" actually means, lol), remove the "foes faced" (pointless) and "bases" (just a list of random levels and places in the RPGs) sections and cut the fat down in the emenies and wepon listings to things that appears in (nearly) every "main" game (and have a reccuring presence in the DIC cartoons, I guess).

As for the Villainous Plans section, I think it should stay.

anything featuring the sentence "Stealing and selling rare artifacts from Earth in order to buy hairdryers from Hafta Havit Mail-Order to be used to melt Antarctica and flood the planet." obviously deserves to survive so I have no idea why you bothered to type that.
 
I got rid of most notable members, all of main soldiers, plans (should be already mentioned in the first paragraphs), weapons (what the hell?), and foes faced (why isn't natural disasters in that list?). So in other words, I got rid of 17,000 bytes worth of crap.
 
Toa, exemplary job with the Storyline in Paper Mario: Sticker Star, but as you said in your edit summary, someone else should work on it ASAP. It looks a little too long for comfort.
 
I think the 2nd paragraph is the only part that warrants any serious trimming.
 
Well I know next to nothing about the game, so I can't really be judged on that aspect.

I'll go take a look into other articles and I'll try finding other articles that merit a mention here.
 
I recently tagged Yoshi with the rewrite template. Why? As I said in my edit summary, "It's filled with bias, story elements, and it keeps referring to Yoshi as "the green dinosaur" (isn't it easier to say "he"?)"
 
Count Bleck

Count Bleck is a more unique figure among Mario's rogues gallery, as he is the only villain so far who is motivated by sadness and regret, and not by a lust for power or control. He is a tragic villain, whose actions are born from the purest of emotions: love. Regardless, Bleck has demonstrated a lust for destruction and disregard for all life, except those close to him. He, at first, seems to be a stereotypical villain with no feelings, but it is soon revealed that Bleck is an emotionally tortured person, who is not as evil as he first appears.

Yeah
 
I really appreciate what you guys have been doing. I'm a bit lazier, but a lot of the Super Paper Mario articles have really over-the-top writing (as shown by BLOF's Count Bleck quote), so perhaps I'll join you guys in your little rewrite conquest and help out with SPM.
 
Wizpig

[quote author=yeah]After a long race consisting of dodging killer robots, electric fences and laser firing weapons the heroes once again prevailed over Wizpig. After his defeat, the rocket Wizpig was riding malfunctioned, stranding Wizpig on a deserted planet. The big bully finally got what he deserved. It is likely that Wizpig would have reappeared in Diddy Kong Racing's sequel, Diddy Kong Pilot and Diddy Kong Racing's spin-off, Donkey Kong Racing. However, these two games were cancelled when the owners of Rare sold their majority share in the company to Microsoft, causing Nintendo to sell its minority share to Microsoft as well. Wizpig has recently appeared in Diddy Kong Racing's Nintendo DS remake, Diddy Kong Racing DS and, strangely, he is an unlockable and playable character. He sounds less like an evil warthog, and very much more like Count Dracula. His stats in Diddy Kong Racing DS was the same as Taj and like Taj and T.T., he was shrunk down a little to fit a car. [/quote]

:???:

!??! is the only reaction needed
 
whoever rewrote that deserves a fucking medal.
 
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