Revenge of cackletta

... WALUIGI! so Mario and Luigi asked them to give them their suitcase back. Popple remembered the previous battles and gave it back. But Waluigi did not agree. He got very angry. But Mario smacked him with the hammer and Waluigi ran away. So did Popple. So, they continued their way to Bean-Bean castle.
 
oh

is he the green weirdo who always follows me

like he goes everywhere i walk to and sometimes he walks in front of me if i press a certain button
 
Groden said:
oh

is he the green weirdo who always follows me

like he goes everywhere i walk to and sometimes he walks in front of me if i press a certain button
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Have you ever played a Mario game before?
 
Kingfawful4321 said:
Um...what?
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*Facepalm*

Groden was just pulling your leg.

Also, the story could definitely use some word, but do not fret; just keep on writing and try to add a few more words in a sentence than you currently are. I know that it can be troublesome and time-consuming to write a lot just about a small event of something, but to make something very eye-catching and that can hook the reader to enjoy your writing, you need to add more than just a small summary of what you are writing.

I mean, I might not be the best advice-giver with expanding writing since I over-expand on things, but don't be afraid to take one point and maybe expand it into more than just part of a sentence. Like in your first part about how Mario and Peach are in the kingdom having a date. You could possibly add more things like what kind of date they are on, maybe try to make suspense by stating that Mario feels something amiss in the area, or maybe even take it in a different direction and talk about how peaceful the kingdom is now so that when Luigi comes stating that Fawful has returned, it's a lot more surprising. Or you can add background information so that we know what is going on instead of expecting to know who the characters are. You're the author, take your story in whatever direction you want, but make sure that you can pull your readers along with it.
 
cryoAwakening said:
Kingfawful4321 said:
Um...what?
Click to expand...

*Facepalm*

Groden was just pulling your leg.

Also, the story could definitely use some word, but do not fret; just keep on writing and try to add a few more words in a sentence than you currently are. I know that it can be troublesome and time-consuming to write a lot just about a small event of something, but to make something very eye-catching and that can hook the reader to enjoy your writing, you need to add more than just a small summary of what you are writing.

I mean, I might not be the best advice-giver with expanding writing since I over-expand on things, but don't be afraid to take one point and maybe expand it into more than just part of a sentence. Like in your first part about how Mario and Peach are in the kingdom having a date. You could possibly add more things like what kind of date they are on, maybe try to make suspense by stating that Mario feels something amiss in the area, or maybe even take it in a different direction and talk about how peaceful the kingdom is now so that when Luigi comes stating that Fawful has returned, it's a lot more surprising. Or you can add background information so that we know what is going on instead of expecting to know who the characters are. You're the author, take your story in whatever direction you want, but make sure that you can pull your readers along with it.
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Well, OK. I am thinking of re-doing this after I finish this.
 
cryoAwakening said:
Kingfawful4321 said:
Um...what?
Click to expand...

*Facepalm*

Groden was just pulling your leg.

Also, the story could definitely use some word, but do not fret; just keep on writing and try to add a few more words in a sentence than you currently are. I know that it can be troublesome and time-consuming to write a lot just about a small event of something, but to make something very eye-catching and that can hook the reader to enjoy your writing, you need to add more than just a small summary of what you are writing.

I mean, I might not be the best advice-giver with expanding writing since I over-expand on things, but don't be afraid to take one point and maybe expand it into more than just part of a sentence. Like in your first part about how Mario and Peach are in the kingdom having a date. You could possibly add more things like what kind of date they are on, maybe try to make suspense by stating that Mario feels something amiss in the area, or maybe even take it in a different direction and talk about how peaceful the kingdom is now so that when Luigi comes stating that Fawful has returned, it's a lot more surprising. Or you can add background information so that we know what is going on instead of expecting to know who the characters are. You're the author, take your story in whatever direction you want, but make sure that you can pull your readers along with it.
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I was talking to Gundam when i said "Um...what?", that's not something you seemed to notice.
 
Gundam Tanaka said:
the bible is a horrible thing to read for a story's progression are you kidding me

we're talking about user-fics, not multi-book epics

(ignoring of course how divine intervention isn't very fun in stories)
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bro I was talking about beginning the book

and since it's got multiple books, it's a pretty damn good example
 
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