Mario versus FanFiction (lotsa images warning)
- Thread starter Lin Beifong
- Start date
I went back to the thread in question and didn't see it. I also didn't see anything about the spider girl who demands an unreasonable amount of money from you.
- Thread starter
- #230
Suits me just fine. Stay out of my way.
Yes, she obviously has. Legs that bend tend to have those.
Anyway, we're finally battling Mimi. And fitting perfectly, the climax of this shitty chapter happens in a bathroom.
These are hearts, but they also kinda look like cherry petals.
Cherry petals are a symbol of death, Mimi. Prepare yourself!
Mimi's main form of attack is dropping rubees on you.
It is hard to tell from still pictures, but the way they animated the rubees coming out, the way she's straining, and their elongated appearance... You know, I don't really want to, but I can't help but feel she's shitting the things at us.
This might just be an unfortunate coincidence, but then again we're also in a bathroom, and the game's certainly shown how fond it is of toilet humor, so...
And then she had us collect it... and there was a whole safe full of it...
Man, what the fuck is wrong with this chapter?
Anyway, be it metaphorical or literal, I have had more than enough of your shit, Mimi!
It's time I give you back some!
Girl, I've been fighting invincible enemies since Paper Mario 1. You never stood a chance.
Well, it looks like the Count's efforts proved disappointing.
You better get used to that, it will become a common occurrence now that I'm after him.
Mimi is now experiencing the sensation of having another character's incessant chattering mess you up.
I have neither sympathy nor pity.
Also, evidence that Merlee's magic is potent enough to overpower Bleck, self-proclaimed chosen of the Dark Prognosticus.
The Ancients could have fixed their own mess. They're only sending me because they're lazy bastards.
I... didn't need the mental image of you naked, Mimi. Maybe one of the devs is into bricks that dress up like little girls. I am not.
Anyway Mimi, I hope you recall my promise of me ripping out your spindly limbs one by one...
...because that's what I'm going to do now!
One by one... limb for limb...
At the end of this day, one of us is gonna need an ambulance!
Let's hope you can afford to pay the hospital bill! Otherwise you might have to take out a loan!
But even if that comes to pass, I'm not too worried. After all...
...I'm sure you'll be able to work it off somehow.
Broken, defeated, and face-down on a dirty bathroom floor... Such is the fate of those who go against Super Mario.
Now grovel back to your boss and show him exactly what's coming for him!
DragonFreak
Everything that drowns me makes me wanna fly!
Hooray~!
- Thread starter
- #232
Yeah, I will have to do a lot of repressing once this is over.
Instead of owning up for their own mistakes and taking care of their own problems, yes, so I have heard already.
Not really, no. It didn't strike me as an engaging read.
Someone I know keeps jerking off to it though, so you could call me reluctantly informed.
No, actually your ancestors wrote the damn thing, and they probably included that passage just to have an excuse to do absolutely nothing.
So the four heroes of light gather to battle the forces of chaos?
...that is, word for word, the plot of Final Fantasy 1...
...
This is Final Fantasy 1!!
Have you no fucking shame??? Why does this game get praised for its writing?
Ich les' und denk nur: Was'n Scheiß!
"Though who they are remains unseen! Please don't look at the title screen!"
Listen: If you don't know how to rhyme, don't do it. Ok?
"A heart of pure for you, hooray!"
Huh, it's yellow.
"It... didn't use to be that way."
Whatever... Not the worst thing to happen to me today.
It's over.
- Thread starter
- #236
"As the rush of adrenaline faded, Mario silently lowered his gaze.
The bravado that had just now masked his sorrow yielded, and left behind a deafening silence.
An empty husk that was once a hero."
"He felt himself being engulfed, swallowed by nothingness.
Too big was the toll put on him, too deep the wounds it cut into his very being.
In the end, his spirit gave way, shattered under the weight of 2-3 and its horrific aftermath."
"And as he stood over the broken shards of what was once his life, he asked himself...
Was all of this really worth it?
Is this journey ever going to end?
Am I still the person I was before all of this?
Will I ever be able to run over rolling green plains again, feel the wind on my face as I soar through the air without a care in the world?
Why must Reploids fight each other?
And where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?"
"Amidst this ocean of despair, suddenly, a light flickered in the distance.
Weak at first, but shining brighter and brighter with every passing second."
"It was the Pure Heart."
"Though created for a misguided purpose, one of allowing a bunch of ancient sacks of shit to be even more useless and lazy than they already were, it was still created as an embodiment of love and compassion. And thus, as it sensed the anger and sadness in Mario's raging heart, it resonated.
And, in an instant, the Pure Heart knew what had to be done."
"With a flash of light, the Pure Heart reached into Mario's poisoned soul, and cleansed it of the corruption beget by terrible level design."
"The once festering hatred, now removed, escaped into the air and turned into an intense and unyielding fire."
"A malicious fire that spread and destroyed everything and everyone that created it."
"But it didn't destroy 2-1 because that level was pretty."
"Mario stood amidst the remains of chapter 2. He saw the destruction caused by his own emotions...
"...and it was good!"
DragonFreak
Everything that drowns me makes me wanna fly!
Damn son that was great.
(also yay for aa refrences)
(also yay for aa refrences)
DragonFreak
Everything that drowns me makes me wanna fly!
I wouldn't mind seeing that in an actual game. I mean it worked really well for Peach.
- Thread starter
- #242
Meanwhile, in the council of dipshits.
"She's also got multiple boot imprints all over her head. They spell out 'Bleck is a weenie-woo'. 'S kinda impressive, tbh."
Bleck, stop laughing out loud about your minion's injuries, seriously! You prick!
Well duh, that's what the RPG elements are for, after all.
"That is Count Bleck's name, yes. Hearing other people say it in big letters makes my pants feel tight."
Well, better a cherbil than a gerbil, I guess.
Wait a minute. What the hell is a cherbil?? That's not even in my dictionar--
Oh... OH, cherbil is the name of that farting butt enemy. So he's literally talking about slapping my ass. I get it.
I'd like to read that report. Might be better than some of the dialogue I have encountered so far.
Considering how chunky O'Chunks is, and how he puts emphasis on large size and burliness, I wonder how many letters he can fit on one page?
He might be able to fit two if he lays the paper down sideways.
YES! Send the clown!
I still owe him a couple kicks in the face!
I hope you like that pointy head piece of yours, clown.
Once I'm through with you, it's not gonna be on your head anymore.
"Count Bleck does not receive, he only gives. Understand?"
I can assure you that one of us will be laughing.
"It seems to be a black void with mandalas floating in the background."
"But Nastasia, is it still one of the most visually appealing areas in the game... asks Count Bleck?"
"2-1's making a push, but I heard there's a fire there rn, so idk maybe it'll blow up"
Nastasia seems to be the only one of these guys who has an actual grasp of the situation. Bleck is just kinda on a self-deluded chosen one trip and exists in his own little world.
I think the Pure Heart drained a bit too much of my anger. I might actually start to like Nastasia as a character.
Hey, I'm not particular attached to these worlds either. So far they've been pretty awful.
Look pal, I'm sorry for whatever happened to you, but "If I can't have a happy life, no one else can either" is a very poor attitude to have, and no reason to blow up the universe.
I'm not gonna swallow that.
- Thread starter
- #243
Wakey wakey, plot is shaky.
No, seriously, wake up. It's been long enough.
"Why can't I stay in one place for more than one scene?"
"...and then the let's play went on hiatus for a month. That was weird."
"That depends on who's asking."
Looks like everyone gets to spend quality time with Bowser's minions.
Except me, I have to hang out with a bunch of squares instead.
"(Then again we're Goombas, so pretty much everything is tough by our standards.)"
"I'm a little lost since the writers keep yanking me around."
"(The only one we didn't eat.)"
"What was that?
"Uh... the other ones we didn't greet. Because... there were none."
"Oh, ok."
"(And the king too, who cares about him?)
(This is our gimmick by the way. We are douchebags and we constantly mutter things under our breath.)"
Oh well, you know what they say:
Gotta catch 'em all.
"Ok! Bye-bye!"
"WAIT! I meant WITH us, you green putz!"
"It's perfect. You're really slim, so it will be like driving a wedge through the enemy forces... figuratively AND literally!"
"Nevermind the fact that I will have to get out of here to do that anyway."
"All those goddamn books I bought that you wrote... You were my HERO, man!"
"That's not true. You have... each other.
"Entirely beside the point!"
"But you look really cute together."
"Dude, I got a girlfriend!"
"(Yeah, right.)"
"Shut up, Gary!"
"Well, I always do have the highest Defense stat in the other RPG games.
LUIGI TIME!
"(We're still douchebags by the way, in case that hasn't sunken in yet.)"
DragonFreak
Everything that drowns me makes me wanna fly!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IT RETURNED!
- Thread starter
- #246
"Someone's still a bit testy about that hiatus, it seems."
"Hey, you were asleep for most of it. We had to wait it out."
I may have given you the impression earlier that hanging out with Bowser's minions would be preferrable to the bunch of angular abominations I get subjected to.
It's actually not, though. The faces may be different, but it doesn't change that the majority of the cast is written to be unpleasant and condescending.
"Mr. Goomba, with all due respect, if I was really copying my bro's style, you would not be standing there anymore after saying something like that to me."
"Especially after a comment like that. He'd grab that brazier behind you and shove it up your rectum."
"I'm a mushroom, I don't even have--"
"You would have one after he was done with you."
Why? Is he easier on the eyes too? Heart?
Get it? Because the whole place is made out of lines?
"I don't know. I thought he was really trying."
"I meant YOU you green git!"
"Oh..."
Oh no, I feel so bad that this happened to this lovable character.
Careful guys, you might end up making me care. (Yeah, right).
Congratulations, Bleck. The strength of your army has increased by one Goomba.
The real tragedy is that this somehow makes Gary's personality LESS grating.
"True, I probably shouldn't have booted Bowser over the bonce since apparently we're on the same team. He just never puts on team colors, you know? Actually... we don't even have team colors."
"Like what? A yellow card?"
"I see! This is the part where a dangerous situation awakens your sense of companionship and we team up in spite of our previous animosity, right?"
"Oh..."
Yeah, there's no redemption for annoying trash.
He thinks Bleck has the winning team. That's adorable.
I'm going to smear this guy all over the castle floor. Then it will be MY team color.
Choice words, Luigi.
If you manage to make Luigi mad, you must be a REALLY annoying shit.
Nastasia said "Ok" instead of "'k". This must be serious business.
LUIGI TIME has ended.
- Thread starter
- #248
Bleck is intimidating?
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- Ray Trace
Meh, they're minions of the main villain against Mario Bros., so of course they have to be douchebags towards Luigi, that's what I'd say. But do they act this much of a douchebag to the Mario Bros. in any other game, and I'm not counting the friendly NPCs of them? I'm not too educated on Bowser minion interactions with the Mario Bros.
- Thread starter
- #250
There's not really anything wrong with the two Goombas being written as douchebags if you view this in a contextual vacuum. The way this was executed does have problems however, for two reasons:
The first problem is the way the setting is already oversaturated with unpleasant characters. If nearly everyone significant you meet is some kind of rude or manipulative asshat, introducing even more characters as douchebags is not going to endear you to them. ESPECIALLY if the game gives you no way to retaliate. Being able to snark back is a great way to mitigate the unpleasant effect (incidentally, this is what I am doing with this LP. I'm stuck making my own retaliations since the game won't give me any).
And the second problem is, while there's nothing inherently wrong with douchebag characters, these two examples are just written badly. It takes a lot of care to write a character who insults you and manages to come off as entertaining instead of annoying.
This is somewhat subjective, but look at someone like Master Neloth from the Skyrim Dragonborn DLC for example. That character regularly makes fun of you, is generally a very unpleasant individual, his treatment of his employees is questionable, and he never shys away from letting you know how much better than you he thinks he is. But while he does that, he gets some pretty great lines and delivers them very well, which makes him endearing instead of obnoxious.
Or look at Gruntilda in Banjo-Kazooie. She spends the entire game talking trash and making fun of you, but the way she does it is so audacious and silly you can't help but laugh. Plus, you get to kick her ass for it at the end.
These two Goombas don't have that. There's nothing particularly funny or entertaining about their backseat commentary. They're just there to be annoying. It's moments like these where I miss the old partner system the most, because had I someone like Goombella with me, she wouldn't take any of this shit without interjecting her own dose of backchat.
And yes: I am over-analyzing a scene that someone probably wrote five minutes before lunch break. But it's been brought up, so here's my two cents on storywriting and how you can fuck it up, even in small scenes like this one.
The first problem is the way the setting is already oversaturated with unpleasant characters. If nearly everyone significant you meet is some kind of rude or manipulative asshat, introducing even more characters as douchebags is not going to endear you to them. ESPECIALLY if the game gives you no way to retaliate. Being able to snark back is a great way to mitigate the unpleasant effect (incidentally, this is what I am doing with this LP. I'm stuck making my own retaliations since the game won't give me any).
And the second problem is, while there's nothing inherently wrong with douchebag characters, these two examples are just written badly. It takes a lot of care to write a character who insults you and manages to come off as entertaining instead of annoying.
This is somewhat subjective, but look at someone like Master Neloth from the Skyrim Dragonborn DLC for example. That character regularly makes fun of you, is generally a very unpleasant individual, his treatment of his employees is questionable, and he never shys away from letting you know how much better than you he thinks he is. But while he does that, he gets some pretty great lines and delivers them very well, which makes him endearing instead of obnoxious.
Or look at Gruntilda in Banjo-Kazooie. She spends the entire game talking trash and making fun of you, but the way she does it is so audacious and silly you can't help but laugh. Plus, you get to kick her ass for it at the end.
These two Goombas don't have that. There's nothing particularly funny or entertaining about their backseat commentary. They're just there to be annoying. It's moments like these where I miss the old partner system the most, because had I someone like Goombella with me, she wouldn't take any of this shit without interjecting her own dose of backchat.
And yes: I am over-analyzing a scene that someone probably wrote five minutes before lunch break. But it's been brought up, so here's my two cents on storywriting and how you can fuck it up, even in small scenes like this one.