The joke thread. ( Puns and Wordplay are welcome)

How do you split the Roman Empire?

A pair of Caesars.
 
If tomb is pronounce toom
And womb is pronounced woom
Why isn't bomb pronounced boom?
 
For all the kids who took Latin in school

An Ancient Roman walks into a bar
He sits down and says
"I'll have a martinus please."
"Don't you mean a martini?" The bartender asks
The Ancient Roman replies
"If I wanted a double I would have asked for it."
 
So there was this cattle ranch on an old site of a battle. One of the male cattle came across an old grenade that was left behind, and ate it.
The result was
a bomb in a bull (abominable).
 
Two elves walk into a bar.

The hobbit laughs and walks under it.
 
I have a joke! Just let me go get it!

please don't kill me
 
There one in one of your avatars.

Fawful is turned into a cat.

"Nooo! I have Fur-y!"
 
"So there are 7 caterpillars are out in the harbour."
"Yes, they're all small and what happen to the caterpillars if they don't come back!"
"They all are around, yes you're right. They might be small, and the harbour is big."
"what? in my head?! >_<
 
A guy and his dad go to a bar. They are both drunk.

"Dad, there's something wrong with this cup of beer."
"What is it, son?"
"It doesn't have a bottom."
"You're right! What kind of a cup is that? Every cup has to have a bottom!"
"That is just so freaking weird! And that annoys me!"
The son inexplicably gets mad and begins hitting the table with all his strength. The cup flips over.
"What?! It doesn't even have a top!"
 
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