Mach Speed Mayhem (Superchao 'Shroom Section)

[Roserade]

You don't understand, Mister Mod! Spade will kill me if I don't vote him

Not if I shoot first

 

[Koops]

Uh oh I think I'm trapped guys

 

[Lakituthequick]

I did not think a simple 'who should I talk about' vote could turn into a death battle.

 

[Hooded Pitohui]

And really, are you going to sacrifice this sanctity for some silly clown?

My, my, Rose. It would seem as though it were you who has lost sight of your roots and values while in the grasp of conflict. After all, was it not you who taught me the rich history of the clown? And now, you would deign to insult such a noble performer? Were not the clowns of the European tradition seen once as innocent, as reflections of the precociousness and curiosity we experience as youths? Was that not their role upon the stage, to be discoverers and dreamers blessed with naivete? I can think of no act nobler on the stage than to make a fool of yourself so that you may return the people of a weary and often battered world to a time of peace and genuine fascination.

And, though clowns may have evolved, is that not what Spade still stands for? Does he not work to, even if only for a brief moment, add cheer and joy to the lives of his audience, to return them to a state of childhood wonder?

Yes, a clown indeed... Perhaps, were people more appreciative of clowns, they would see why voting for Spade is the right decision...

Uh oh I think I'm trapped guys

Worry not, my brave tactician! For Spade has aid to turn this Mexican Standoff you find yourself in from a one-on-one to a two-on-one. And, Rose should well remember one thing... Well, allow me to quote the words of a Miss Miranda Lambert:

His fist is big but my gun's bigger.
He'll find out when I pull the trigger.

I assure you. If there is anyone who can stand against Rose to offer you protection, it is I. Yet, I need no firearms or threats of violence to protect you, for we together have the words to convince anyone of Spade's importance.

 

[Roserade]

My my, Pitohui. You've grown a little subdued, haven't you? We must address your first statement quite carefully, and uncover the truth of what I really said.

By your admission, clowns are naive, innocent, and bring an audience back to a childlike wonder. This is all true, I know it all as such. However! All I ever said was that Spade is a silly clown, never a bad clown, and you'll find that, based upon your definition of clown, silly is a perfect descriptor to use.

You must understand. It's true, I am well-versed in the art of clown, and do understand the significance of its performance for an audience. The simple truth of the matter is so: a performing clown is important, but an eight year old prodigy? They have the ability to truly shape the future of society. Clowning can wait another day, when scientific advancement is upon us. Digi-Boy is calculated in every math and science, and has the ability to impact society for the better, for future generations to come.

Perhaps now you'll see what I mean. I never intended to shoot with a real gun. I intended to shoot with a Truth Bullet!

And this is the truth as we know it to be!

 

[London Parris]

Spade is off limits. So I say Jack Levin.

 

[Hooded Pitohui]

You must understand. It's true, I am well-versed in the art of clown, and do understand the significance of its performance for an audience. The simple truth of the matter is so: a performing clown is important, but an eight year old prodigy? They have the ability to truly shape the future of society. Clowning can wait another day, when scientific advancement is upon us. Digi-Boy is calculated in every math and science, and has the ability to impact society for the better, for future generations to come.

My, do we fancy a game?

Then a game, we shall have!

You would do well to remember, however... that as a grass type, you have five weaknesses, more with your poison-typing included. And I do believe I see one right away. For you, Rose, may be versed in the art of the clown, in the ways of the performer, but you forget that I am a scientist! And allow me to tell you, there are many faults to be had within myself and my colleagues. You advocate for Digi-Boy on the basis that he will shape society for the better, but how can we be certain of that? Brilliant though he may be, he is still only eight years of age. Scientists are all too often caught up in the questions of what is possible to do, and not enough on questions of what it is right to do.

Is it right that, owing to the Western world's view of emergency and elderly healthcare, many are left to survive without truly being able to live? Whether life dependent upon a machine or dependent upon others, that is a philosophical question that much be decided by any given individual. A doctor can promise to keep your body functioning - a doctor cannot promise you a life. You must decide for yourself what a life is worth. I could pull out the cliches, as well. How many scientists have been concerned primarily with possibility and were later horrified to find out about the military applications of their research? It is no fault of the scientist, mind you, those doing a great justice for society. But science - and this is the point I emphasize - does not occur in a vacuum. Even more benign matters require a understanding of human nature. Certainly, you can improve crops through genetic modification, but can you anticipate the backlash to doing so? Can you navigate fears and uncertainties to sell the public on the idea? Is it moral that companies such as Monsanto can patent the genetic code of life when they alter it, depriving farmers of the seeds produced by the plants they raise? We know that getting consumers to buy local and to buy a greater variety of products would reduce the carbon footprint of agriculture and reduce the practice of intense monoculture (improve soil health and food security), but, without an understanding of the public, we shall never be able to effectively communicate that. After all, the desire for low prices and - notably - uniformity of products' appearances, are powerful forces.

You advocate we rally behind Dig-Boy and push him to new heights at so tender an age by voting for him. But I think you do the young man a disservice. He needs more time to grow. He may be a whiz at science and mathematics, but can he truly think critically? Can he consider the implications of what he does and consider it outside of the context of a vacuum? After all, we are dealing with no spherical cows here! And the best way to develop the young man's critical thinking ability - nay, to develop the critical thinking ability of this section's entire audience - we must turn to the humanities and the arts. This, of course, includes the performing arts! Allow Spade to teach this young man about the fragility and wonder of human life!

Unless, of course, you want to sit with Digi-Boy some day in the far future, and bear witness to a terrible string of decisions that went hopelessly unconsidered. Yes, he may do great things, but if he cannot contextualize those great things, you may one day find yourself in this position...

 

[Roserade]

And the best way to develop the young man's critical thinking ability - nay, to develop the critical thinking ability of this section's entire audience - we must turn to the humanities and the arts. This, of course, includes the performing arts! Allow Spade to teach this young man about the fragility and wonder of human life!

Pitohui, please. If you're going to make claims about the participants of a debate, I'd expect you to at least learn something about each of them first.

Let's look to the F-Zero Wiki, for the definitive answer of why Spade should not be chosen for MSM this month:

However, his driving style is rather unusual and he has been known to pull off amazing techniques, though most considered extremely risky. Even more curious is how fickle in races he is, as he will often not take the race seriously or simply drop out. Because of this, he has yet to develop a very good name for himself.

"fragility and wonder of human life", indeed.

Must this be explained any further? When I've gone through my physical theatre training, which included clown, I was taught three golden rules: don't hurt yourself, don't hurt your ensemble, don't hurt the audience. This racer clearly demonstrates that he puts himself at risk, and potentially others, and regardless of that, he is not well-regarded within the F-Zero universe at all. And you want him to nurture the innocent mind of an intelligence youth? For all of your wisdom, this was a major oversight on your part. Spade is not just some refined clown, he is a menace to any racers on the track.

If Spade were to gain the spotlight of Mach Speed Mayhem this month, what kind of impression would that make for Digi-Boy — hell, the rest of the youth of our world? Do we really want to put a sporadic, dangerous man in the position of praise? Perhaps your ethics are different than my own, but I firmly believe that your argument is widely rebuffed by just about everyone else.

You mention that science can foster in an incorrect way, and this is not wrong. However, we must learn to give praise and attention to our youth, so that they can grow feeling loved and seen. This is why Digi-Boy should be chosen before Spade!

The Digi-Boy argument rests, Your Honor.

 

[Revin]

Two Mr. Edgeworths?! And they're arguin' with each other...

What a scoop! "Man Argues With Himself About Clowns and Children While Votes Remain The Same!" Wait'll I get this to my editor, I'll get published for sure!

Maybe then they'll consider accepting my think piece on Captain Falcon and his many alter egos...

 

[Alex95]

Super Arrow

 

[Hooded Pitohui]

"fragility and wonder of human life", indeed.

Must this be explained any further? When I've gone through my physical theatre training, which included clown, I was taught three golden rules: don't hurt yourself, don't hurt your ensemble, don't hurt the audience. This racer clearly demonstrates that he puts himself at risk, and potentially others, and regardless of that, he is not well-regarded within the F-Zero universe at all. And you want him to nurture the innocent mind of an intelligence youth? For all of your wisdom, this was a major oversight on your part. Spade is not just some refined clown, he is a menace to any racers on the track.

If Spade were to gain the spotlight of Mach Speed Mayhem this month, what kind of impression would that make for Digi-Boy — hell, the rest of the youth of our world? Do we really want to put a sporadic, dangerous man in the position of praise? Perhaps your ethics are different than my own, but I firmly believe that your argument is widely rebuffed by just about everyone else.

Sigh... This insultingly simplistic analysis of Spade's character is so easily picked apart so as almost not to be worth it. But, if we are to make our final statements...

Then a closing statement, I shall make.

You act as though Spade's stunts make him a risk to his fellow racers, but you ignore the fact that F-Zero is a sporting event full of inherent risk. Racers regularly force each other off the track by slamming their vehicles into one another. You claim that you worry what influences Spade may have on Digi-Boy, but you have no issue supporting this boy in himself pursuing such a dangerous hobby? Will you clap when Digi-Boy pushes another racer off the track to their certain doom? Is it not enough that they boy is simulating these activities that you would support him learning from the likes of Black Shadow, Zoda, Beastman, and Micheal Chain by forcing him to adopt their own techniques on the race-track? Each and every one of us must make our own choices in this world, but it seems you are trying to deflect the blame here, while I am the one arguing for Digi-Boy's well-being. I am trying to keep the boy out of danger, while you are trying to press him into it. Spade knows exactly what it is he is doing, for he is mature enough to have an awareness of the risk he presents to himself and others. Can we truly say the same of Digi-Boy, who is only concerned with testing his simulations? Simply because he is a genius does not mean that he has the maturity to fully understand his own behavior and the consequences of his actions. By his own admission, he cannot even discover why his simulations are failing to produce an accurate representation of what transpires when he attempts to get close to a girl in his class. If this young man cannot even wrap his mind around romance and social interaction, are we able to trust him with the guilt and responsibility of F-Zero racing? We cannot discourage his ambitions. He must decide for himself what he is to do. But we need not encourage his behavior, either, through such methods as voting for him.

Even more appallingly, you imply that Spade's behaviors are inconsistent with the notion that he has an understanding of the fragility of human life, the human psyche and soul. What a surface-level analysis! Risk-takers and thrillseekers may understand how fragile human life is better than anyone. As a character witness, I call upon none other than the esteemed Tsubasa Kazanari.

Let's review her story, shall we? She experienced great tragedy, losing her partner and only true friend, while as young as perhaps fifteen years of age (and certainly no older than seventeen). Not only did her partner demonstrate clearly the literal fragility of human life, but a broken Tsubasa was left to struggle as she discovered just how fragile the human mind and spirit are. She, more than most, had a rich understanding of the fragility of human life, and yet she threw herself recklessly at everything that stood in her way, seemingly unafraid of death or injury. She even went so far as to commit an act that, by all reasonable assessments, should have left her dead. Now, were you to have seen her in the years following the tragic loss of her partner, you would describe her as reckless, as someone too willing to take risks and someone who possessed a death wish, believing herself to have only one purpose to fulfill and taking a rather nihilistic view of the world at large. Yet, as anyone who would take a moment to study her and to approach her for her perspectives and opinions would discover, she understood all too well the fragility of human life.

I could draw upon other examples, but I tell this story to make a point relevant to the debate at hand. You should not, from his risky showmanship alone, conclude that Spade does not understand - or, importantly, showcase - the fragility of human life. To paint a thrillseeker as such a one-dimensional individual... I think it is you who demonstrates a lack of understanding of the one you argue against. It riles me, that characters who would seek out risk are so often whittled down to stereotypes of uncaring hedonists without a shred of empathy or reflection on their actions.

But putting aside even the inaccuracy of the picture of Spade you paint, you forget one important detail. Spade is a performer, and a performance is necessarily a dialogue. Even his F-Zero races, it is clear from his behavior, are performances. The fault does not lie with Spade if Digi-Boy chooses to take his activities as something to be emulated, that is Digi-Boy's choice to make as a participant in this dialogue. If you are truly concerned with nurturing Digi-Boy, you would continue to allow Spade to perform - nay you would support his performances. You would vote for Spade, and you would allow him to engage in the dialogue he wishes to create, allow him to perform so that you might encourage Digi-Boy to reflect critically upon the message Spade's action carries. Is is a message of ignorance? Is it a message of malice? Narcissism? Or genuine desire to enrich the lives of spectators? You would do the young man a service by allowing the show to go on and allowing - and aiding - him to reach his own conclusions.

Perhaps, trained more in the art of critical reflection, he may even be able to get that girl.

The right honourable and cubic Mr. Chao, ladies, gentlemen, and good fellows of the voting community, I bring my case to a close. The arguments posted in this thread speak for themselves. In the spirit of Spade, I will encourage you to evaluate all placed before you. Consider its merits for yourselves, and engage in a dialogue with it. I trust that your votes will, ultimately, reflect the truth you arrive at.

 

[Roserade]

I don't have the time, mind, or rhetoric for another full response, and I've already rested my arguments. The voters can truly make their best decision now.

But please accept this final shitpost

 

[Toka Hebizuka]

Mr. Pitohui and... uh... Mr. Rade? they call him Rose for short that must be it. I appreciate the effort put into your work, it's truly on the level of genius's such as myself, however I believe a paradox lies at the heart of your analysis. Yes, I believe there is a major flaw in your work that stops it from achieving it's point, a flaw that so big, it loops back on itself to become a truly extravagant piece of writing, or perhaps I should it's the other way round. That's right, I believe your work goes so in depth, that it ends becoming a flaw of your piece. Allow me to explain:

You see, your goal is to convince the world of why they should vote for your choice, correct? And you're doing this by writing an in depth look at why your character is better then oppositions, yes? Well, I believe these two ideas go against each other, cancelling out their powers to present a post that, while long and well made, fails to get the reader to want to learn more about that character, because they have nothing left to learn. The reason someone would vote for a character in Mach Speed Mayhem is so they can learn more about a character that intrigues them, take Gomar and Shioh for example, the reader will look at them and start to ask questions, "Why do they look like they're made of stone?", "Why are there two of them?" if they're intrigued enough, they will vote for them, showing that they're interested and want to find out more. Take Epic Nitwit's posts as an example:

putting in a vote for my boy captain falcon dressed as a lizard/snake/whatever (3rd row, 2nd column)

putting in a vote for my man captain falcon at his day job as beloved children's television character "Beastman the Dinosaur"

voting for my guy captain falcon on his way to visit the local "lizard enthusiasts" convention (#18)

throwing in a vote for captain falcon's short-lived rebrand that he used to try and appeal to an american, bird-loving audience

As you can see, he's interested in why this odd fellow who likes fairly similar to the gentleman Captain Falcon from the Super Smash Bros. F-ZERO series is in this roster, and he wants to find out more, as such he votes for this character, hoping they will win so he can learn about them and why they look like Captain Falcon. It presents an air of mystery, and his unique way of saying it entices readers to join his voting scheme. In this regard, while you are unique with your significantly longer then average post lengths, I can't help but feel you lack that air of mystery for the character you're encouraging readers to vote for. If I may give some advice, try to get readers to vote by coming up with a unique gimmick that keeps that mystery around you character, I believe it will work wonders in the voting process. For an example of this, take a look at my posts:

QQQ

it's a robot, and robots are cool

Reminder that QQQ is a robot and that robots are cool.

With my gimmick, I present the reader with the knowledge that QQQ is a robot, enticing them to vote, as they may want to learn more when they find that he's a robot and robots are cool. I even legitimately managed to get others to change their minds about voting and I in no way obviously and purposefully edited these images in the process of cropping them.

So, they you have it, your process of convincing people, while a noble one, is flawed in execution. Now, please remember to vote QQQ, as you know what they say, "robots are cool".

Oh, I believe I didn't introduce myself, I should probably do that before people think there's three Edgeworth's arguing with each other.

Hohoho! Yes, my name is Dr. Ivo Robotnik, but you may call me by my more well known name, Dr. Eggman. Now if you don't mind, I've get to got back to building empire.

 

[Super Mario Bros.]

On April 18, 2020, the readership of The 'Shroom, the esteemed publication of the Super Mario Wiki, found itself facing a dilemma. The prolific writer Superchao posed a question: to whom should the focus of the May 2020 edition of Mach Speed Mayhem be bestowed? On its face, the question seemed innocuous; however, in a futile attempt to speedily resolve the issue, the community discovered that the inquiry possessed much deeper profoundness. Indeed, an extensive and philosophical debate ensued, which resulted in the formation of two prominent factions. One, led by Roserade, contends that Terry "Digi-Boy" Getter should be nominated primarily on the basis of his youth and advancement of scientific knowledge. The other party, led by Pitohui, advocates for the selection of Spade due to his dual mastery of the arts of magic and fashion. Although Roserade and Pitohui make strong arguments, they fail to consider that the best choice for the May 2020 focus of Mach Speed Mayhem is the underdog robot QQQ.

It is undeniable that Roserade and Pitohui both articulate passionate and persuasive cases in favor of their respective choices. In the case of Digi-Boy, his age and scientific achievement serve as inspirations for aspiring students worldwide. The inventor is a mere eight years old, which renders his status as a genius among his peers an outstanding accomplishment; furthermore, his technological prowess and keen interest in astronomy should clearly be nourished and encouraged. With regard to Spade, his advocacy of the arts and entertainment is commendable in a time when these fields face existential challenges. His particular focus lies within the ancient practice of magic; however, it is also noted that he is a fashion icon and has the potential to be a societal influencer. Roserade's and Pitohui's arguments urgently demand the immediate selection of their preferred candidates on the grounds that they are best-suited to receive the spotlight; in turn, they say, the community and, indeed, society at-large will ultimately benefit from these choices.

Their argument falls short, however, due to the fact that the selection of QQQ would send a stronger message to the denizens of the world. After all, this robot possesses one of the most remarkable comeback stories: branded as "obsolete" and "junk," this poor artificially intelligent being was thrown away and deemed a lost cause. Ultimately, it was found and repaired; eventually, it would go on to participate in the renowned F-Zero Grand Prix. Despite being disregarded and undermined by those who surrounded it, QQQ proved its detractors wrong and achieved greatness in spite of the odds. It is certainly important to empower the youth, the discoverers, and the artists; however, is it not also pertinent that the downtrodden receive consideration? If QQQ is selected, The 'Shroom will be choosing to promote a message of positivity, rehabilitation, and endurance; furthermore, the immediate nomination of the technological titan will bestow the highest form of recognition that the newsletter can possibly offer it.

All in all, it is clear that QQQ is the best possible choice for the May 2020 edition of Mach Speed Mayhem. There is definitely an abundance of choices from which to choose. On one hand, Roserade's Digi-Boy will inspire the young and the scientific of society. On the other, Pitohui's Spade serves as a role model for magicians and fashionistas everywhere. But it is not their time to shine: theirs are the months of June, July, and beyond. What The 'Shroom needs now is to honor an individual who, as the expression goes, has "been through hell and back." This inspirational individual is none other than QQQ.

 

[Cayde]

Digi-Boy

 

[Stargazing]

I knew something was wrong when I could smell the faint scent of ash on the login page. When I logged in, the mushroom signalling to Fan Creations was half burnt. This thread has been covered in flames for... god knows how long, really. I couldn't just stand offline forever, watching as this war waged and threatened life as I knew it when I left this place however many months ago.

There is one clear answer. However long it takes for this war to end will all be worth it, as everyone will truly see the right side all along.

The answer to this conflict is Spade.

 

[Superchao]

And in the end, there can only be one winner. And it's...

#34: Spade - 11
#32: Digi-Boy - 10
#36: Princia - 3
#14: Jack Levin - 2
#20: Super Arrow - 2
#39: QQQ - 2
#00: Rick Wheeler - 1
#13: Zoda - 1
#17: Antonio Guster - 1
#23: Silver Neelsen - 1
#29: Dr. Clash - 1
#33: Lisa Brilliant - 1
#37: Lily Flyer - 1

Alas, poor Rose. You were so close, yet so far.

Spade wins this month and I'll write him up for May and see you in two weeks!

 

[Koops]

I live!

 

[Smashley]

congrats to rose on his failure

 

[Hooded Pitohui]

A close race that was settled wisely by the voters, this month was. I want to thank Rose for his good sporting nature in having these "debates" and more so for joining me in making dumb images . This has been a divisive voting period, but I will be coming together with Rose to support his pick next month. After a performance as good as his, I would be remiss not to aid him, after all!

Hope you'll join me again, Koops!

 

[Koops]

Oh yeah, you can count on that.

 

[Superchao]

It's That Time Again

Read about Spade, and appreciate that he will not kill Koops. And then vote for the next issue's pick! Voting closes May 30th.

 

[Superchao]

This is the repeated vote post. Like this vote to repeat your post from last month.

Record of External Votes:
#13: Zoda - 1
#17: Antonio Guster - 2
#19: Leon - 1
#21: Mrs. Arrow - 1
#23: Silver Neelsen - 1
#36: Princia Ramode - 1
#37: Lily Flyer - 1
#39: QQQ - 4
#40: Phoenix - 2
#00: Rick Wheeler - 1

 

[Roserade]

So, that's it then, huh? After all of that, every ounce of effort I exerted, after every moment of suggestion and conversation, after I pulled out my heart and soul and presented them on a silver platter for you all to witness, you still did not allow me to achieve my dream. And yet, you all claim this month that you will vote in my favor, and your expectation is that I'll come shambling back to Digi-Boy? What you all propose is like withholding a feast from a starving man, and then offering it when he is fed. I deserve more dignity than that.

In fact, your actions have begun a roaring fire within my heart. I now abhor Digi-Boy. I cannot stand to look at his ignorant, four-eyed face without feeling disgust, without seeing my dreams crumble away from me. Now every Dolphin I see is not made of flesh and bone, but rather broken inhibitions and gut-consuming despair. His brilliance academically is revolting, and he still has the best theme in the game everyone please listen to it at least once it deserves all of your love and praise

Therefore, I have to take appropriate measures to truly feel satisfied. I am going to make certain that, no matter what, Digi-Boy is never written about in Mach Speed Mayhem. I do not care how many votes I must rig, or how many sacrifices I must present to Lord Poochy, or whether or not I need to walk through the scorching pits of hell barefoot. I did not want to become this monster, but your actions have left me no choice.

This month, my vote is going to Zoda, and my wish is that you all will join me. It is the true path to enlightenment.

You all have made a dangerous enemy today.

 

[Toka Hebizuka]

QQQ, because he is a robot and robots are cool.

I now have some more evidence as to why you should vote for QQQ: He's the TASBot character of choice, take a look.

"I love this robot dancing, it's awesome." - dwangoAC, 2018

At around 9:35 you'll be able to witness what this robot can do to a GameCube, and it's more then just the sheer speed that is presented at first.