Best Lines in Video Games

V

vizIIsto

Monty Mole
Kind of self-explanatory. What were the funniest, derpiest or quirkiest lines you ever heard video game characters say?
Here's the obvious number one of all time:

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"Baby Luigi number not one." -Baby Luigi, Mario Kart: Double Dash!!

"Baby on the blue team!" -Baby Luigi, Mario Kart Wii

"Everything is all bright and twinkly...I hate it." -Knuckles, Sonic Heroes

"Great, following shiny lights in the sky, we're like freaking cats and a laser pointer." -Nick, Left 4 Dead 2

"Тупица." -Nick, Russian dub of Left 4 Dead 2 (it sounds exactly like "two pizza" and it's an insult, so the word and intonation very hilarious to me and others who don't understand Russian)

"Here they come! Zoey, just pretend they're all helicopter pilots!"
"He was a ZOMBIE, Francis. ZOMBIE!"
-Exchange between Francis and Zoey, Left 4 Dead

"You thought you could trick me with that fake Emerald, didn't you?"
"So, how did you know it wasn't the real one?"
"Because you just told me, fox boy!"
"0_0"
-Exchange between Eggman and Tails, Sonic Adventure 2

"MAKE OUR PEOPLE PROUD!" -General Winter, Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed (there's a lot more Soviet-related lines he says and he's easily my favorite character in that game because of it)

"Just gimme your money so I can make my dreams come true!" -Wario, Game & Wario commercial

"Don't you just love our Constitution?" -Trevor, firing his weapon, Grand Theft Auto V

"Why don't you pick on someone your own tiny baby size?" -Heavy, Team Fortress 2

"I'm fed up with all of this. Even yer agly face, just wait to see WHAT the Tiggerly do. THEY GAWNA USE US AS GROUND MEAT. Well, let's see, corsairs are not killing US today, they're not going to, I'm telling YOU!"
"QUIT WINNING!"
-Phenomenal (read: so atrocious that it's hilarious) voice acting from a Russian jank game called Kreed

And of course, this one to anyone who's played or watched a playthrough of the first Devil May Cry

 
Everything the Think Tank from New Vegas says. I'd give quotes but it would be literal paragraphs of text.

As such here's the very first of many conversations you have with them.

 
"I'm practising..."
"Practicing what?
"Being Sociable..."
"... Because it's you I'm gonna assume you're serious."

From the B Support conversation between Marisa and Gerik, Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones.
 
absolutely everything fawful says warmed my childhood heart

I also thought it was funny that player can choose to make Paper Mario (character) a total sarcastic heartless jerk when he speaks. I think part of that humor was just how out of character it would be if it were The Mario tm

*edit*
Equally enjoyable in the Mario RPG's is how Bowser's Underlings always low-key make fun of him with their variations of "your highness"

/fixd
 
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Everything from Rogue Warrior but especially "Sorry asshole, but your quiet day at the office is about to get severely fucked up."

 
Ah rogue warrior. a terrible game I'm convinced was made terrible on purpose.

Either that or the devs are extremely blind to their own awfulness.
 
I already did one but eh why not

"I am the great Cackletta's most best pupil, who is named Fawful! I am here, laughing at you!"
"And this battle shall be the delicious mustard on that bread! The mustard of your doom!"
"I need no long speech before this battle, which will now be mighty! Snack on my wrath, fink-rats!"
- Fawful, Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga

"Beef? I am lacking in beef. Fawful is beefless."
"You keep appearing like an ugly rabbit out of a hat of a magician who stinks!"
"You...mustaches...with...why...fury...whenever... Fawful...just wanted...some kingdom conquering... Fawful tried... Fawful gave the 110 percents... Fawful worked the overtime... Fawful was the team player... Fawful put in the hours... Fawful got the hands dirty... But every time... Always... The mustaches...arrive... Always in Fawful's way... Alwaysalwaysalways..."
- Fawful, Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story

"I'll be taking this, see?" - Popple, Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga

"Bowser, the Shadow Thief! Not A thief, the BEST thief! I'll be taking this, thanks!"
"Gra har har har! What's a finale without a Bowser appearance? A cruddy finale, that's what!"
- Bowser, Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door


I did Bowser in SPM already in another thread


"Bleh heh heh heh heh heh... How delightful, Mimi. Almost as dapper...as Count Bleck."
"Heroes... Trying to save these pathetic old worlds. Bleck, says Count Bleck! Bleh heh heh heh heh heh...Their efforts are in vain. No one can stop Count Bleck! ...... Just as no one can ease the tempest that rages in my suffering heart..."
"Speak no more! This world is dying under the monocled gaze of...Count Bleck!"
"WHAT?! ...Spat Count Bleck in utter disbelief."
"You have won... Now finish Count Bleck... Dispatch me and the Chaos Heart will disappear, and the prophecy will be undone... Timpani... When you vanished, I searched long for you. I never gave up looking... I searched and searched... But I never found you. Without you, the world held no meaning or joy... I wanted to destroy everything that had taken you away from me... It's too late. Count Bleck has done so much evil... It must end. Just knowing that you are still alive... And knowing that the world you live in will continue... It gives me peace. I do not have long to live. You must end my game before The Void destroys all..."
"Of course... I have thought about you every moment since you disappeared... But I have caused you so much suffering..."
"And I love you, Timpani... Hundreds of thousands of years from now, that fact will not have changed..."
- Count Bleck, Super Paper Mario


"And so I arrive, like a sudden windstorm at a kindergarten picnic!"
"Well met, lady. Your beauty is as fresh as a slap to the face on a crisp winter day!"
"Ah! Once again we meet, like two large, hairy vikings on a storm-tossed schooner!"
"Ah! Once again we meet, like two magical, savage unicorns in a twilit forest clearing!"
"Ah! Once again we meet, like two angry, burly dinosaurs with terrible indigestion!"
"Such temper! Your nostrils, they flare out like the hood of a hissing cobra!"
"You are like a sad, meager sack that has deflated and lost all of it's trust! Perhaps a signed bottle of my fragrance, 'Demented by Dimentio', will sway you? People will stand in ovation whenever you enter a room!"
"That sucking sound is your free will being plunged from the toilet of your mind! Now, you are my slave, and you will do my bidding. You will be…fearless! Go and defeat the count! And when he is gone, I will create a new world! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Again, for dramatic effect! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA."
-Dimentio, Super Paper Mario

I'm going to stop now before I spend all night doing this but I love all these lines so much it was hard to pick out one favourite
 
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Russian games dubbed into english usually have divine voice acting and writing.


BLOF above mentioned Kreed (which is indeed amazing) but I'll also rep Exodus from the Earth




VERY SOON WE WILL NOT FEEL HAPPY ABOUT THE SUNRISE

and Xenus 2


shaddup and get to the masheen gun gringo
 
Here's two that are from the same game.

Guards in any of the nine holds: "You have committed crimes against Skyrim and her people. What say you in your defense?"

In the Dragonborn expansion here is my favourite line.

Redoran Guard : "You have committed crimes against the Dumner people of Solstheim. What say you in your defense?"

It is my favourite lines due to it being memorable. Also in the game, I just end up exiting dialog with them so I can rid of them.
 
Virtual On Marz has the best/worst acted tempter tamtrum in the history of audiovisual media (it doesn't make much sense in context either)


NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE ON MARS
 
YOU! YOU DON'T get it do you?

So I've decided to stir things up a bit. That's right....They can't take control of me. BUT I DON'T CARE. I'M GONNA BLOW YOU OUT OF THE SKY.


Glowsquid said:
Click to expand...

"Then what?"
*long pause*
"Then we're all dead."
*long pause, perfect for an inserted sitcom laughtrack*

That exchange is the most underrated delivery I had ever heard of. I cracked up hearing the second line.
 
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The trophy is mine! OURS! - MegaMix, CTR:NF
 
Break out the butter, I'm gonna make toast! - Dingodile, Crash Bandicoot Warped
 
Legion on the PC Engine CD would be a bad, ugly and completely forgettable shmup if it wasn't for its sole redeeming feature: insane narration by the main character, fully in english despite the game being released exclusively in Japan for some reason. The guy jabbers inane nonsense at the start of every level and it's so good


(The goods start at 0:28s)

I especially like the most emotion he puts in at any point is when he says GIANT ROBOTS.
 
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