Mario vs. a Marine... who wins?

W

whitehawkpro

Goomba
For reasons unknown and unexplained, Mario of Super Mario Bros is going to fight a real-life Marine to the death. While the Marine is constrained by the laws of physics, biology and normal Earth gravity, Mario is capable of moving as he does in his games: he can jump extremely high, never tires and can damage opponents by jumping on them. The Marine knows vaguely who Mario is, but isn't an expert on the game's physics or anything, and Mario is given time beforehand to study Earth's physics and weaponry. Also of note is that Mario has three units of health: after losing one, which happens every time he is damaged by any means, he becomes invincible for around a second. He dies upon losing the third. There'll be three different scenarios.

Round 1: Mario is unarmed and the marine has an M16A2 rifle along with their normal kit.

Round 2: There are two marines, armed same as before, but Mario now has a Fire Flower upgrade. This shoots bouncing balls of fire as in the games, but affects the Marines as expected: they catch fire and burn in accordance with normal physics. As long as they can kill Mario before burning to death (or avoid the fire entirely) they win.

Round 3: A squad of Five marines with three being armed with M16A2 rifles, one with a SAW (squad automatic weapon which is an LMG), and the last with an M40A5 sniper rifle. They face off against both Mario and Luigi, working together, one with a cape and the other with a fire flower.
 
It really depends if the Marines use their stimpacks. Marines, however, are cheap Terran units so it depends on how much resources the commander for the Terran race has if they can fully defeat Mario, who is likely to be a hero character and will take more hits to defeat.
 
Mario isn't trained to kill other people unlike a soldier so I assume Mario has to get over that kind of psychological thing.
 
Ultra Violet said:
It really depends if the Marines use their stimpacks. Marines, however, are cheap Terran units so it depends on how much resources the commander for the Terran race has if they can fully defeat Mario, who is likely to be a hero character and will take more hits to defeat.
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FYI I'm referring to IRL soldiers.
 
Striker Mario said:
Mario isn't trained to kill other people unlike a soldier so I assume Mario has to get over that kind of psychological thing.
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Remember Mario isn't technically a human and he kills lots of other things. The psychological barrier isn't a hinderance in this encounter.
 
Idk man Mario is in some cartoon slapstick world, so of course he doesn't see the defeating enemies part as killing them. Knocking Goombas around isn't the same as, like, seeing human suffering.
 
I mean I assume both of them are inherently good people and neither of them want to die. I need to try to imagine a scenario where they're both motivated to kill each other. Even the marine will probably have some pause before hurting Mario.
 
To seriously answer this question, there are a ton of variables that need to be accounted for.

First, the guns the Marines are using. How much rounds do they have? Do they have more than the clip allows for? Or are they able to reload? For the M16A2 rifle, which has 30 rounds, are they scullfucked if they run out or do they have more bullets?

Second, the environment. What kind of environment are you talking? The bigger and more open the environment (with less cover), the less of an advantage Mario has. The further away Mario is, the more likely he'll succumb. Mario isn't fucking Sonic or Speedy Gonzales, he can't outrun a bullet. A second of invincibility frame when he gets hit? It's nothing compared to how a bullet travels, especially coming from an M16A2, which is either a semi-auto or an auto depending on what type they use.

I think only Round 2 Mario can have the upper advantage but the rest, I think the odds are heavily stacked against him. You never bring a knife to a gunfight in real life because of how ludicrous advantage the projectile has over being melee, especially if the firearm is being used by someone trained in it, and especially if the weapon is a semi-auto or an auto.

Round 3, the Sniper and SAW would automatically KO Mario and Luigi in their first life before they can do anything. What the heck can they even do against a SAW with its formidable firepower and 150 round magazine? If one guy has a cape, does it remove the bullets?
 
Striker Mario said:
I mean I assume both of them are inherently good people and neither of them want to die. I need to try to imagine a scenario where they're both motivated to kill each other. Even the marine will probably have some pause before hurting Mario.
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The point of this thread is to see what others think as far as who would theoretically win in the three scenarios and how it would happen. Assume they are forced or the marine was ordered to kill Mario.
Ultra Violet said:
To seriously answer this question, there are a ton of variables that need to be accounted for.

First, the guns the Marines are using. How much rounds do they have? Do they have more than the clip allows for? Or are they able to reload? For the M16A2 rifle, which has 30 rounds, are they scullfucked if they run out or do they have more bullets?

Second, the environment. What kind of environment are you talking? The bigger and more open the environment (with less cover), the less of an advantage Mario has. The further away Mario is, the more likely he'll succumb. Mario isn't fucking Sonic or Speedy Gonzales, he can't outrun a bullet. A second of invincibility frame when he gets hit? It's nothing compared to how a bullet travels, especially coming from an M16A2, which is either a semi-auto or an auto depending on what type they use.

I think only Round 2 Mario can have the upper advantage but the rest, I think the odds are heavily stacked against him. You never bring a knife to a gunfight in real life because of how ludicrous advantage the projectile has over being melee, especially if the firearm is being used by someone trained in it, and especially if the weapon is a semi-auto or an auto.

Round 3, the Sniper and SAW would automatically KO Mario and Luigi in their first life before they can do anything. What the heck can they even do against a SAW with its formidable firepower and 150 round magazine? If one guy has a cape, does it remove the bullets?
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You're right I should have included terrain. Assume they're in a mountainous region where either party could theoretically get a surprise attack. As far as ammo goes, assume they carry the standard amount and have the ability to reload.
 
Ultra Violet said:
To seriously answer this question, there are a ton of variables that need to be accounted for.

First, the guns the Marines are using. How much rounds do they have? Do they have more than the clip allows for? Or are they able to reload? For the M16A2 rifle, which has 30 rounds, are they scullfucked if they run out or do they have more bullets?

Second, the environment. What kind of environment are you talking? The bigger and more open the environment (with less cover), the less of an advantage Mario has. The further away Mario is, the more likely he'll succumb. Mario isn't fucking Sonic or Speedy Gonzales, he can't outrun a bullet. A second of invincibility frame when he gets hit? It's nothing compared to how a bullet travels, especially coming from an M16A2, which is either a semi-auto or an auto depending on what type they use.

I think only Round 2 Mario can have the upper advantage but the rest, I think the odds are heavily stacked against him. You never bring a knife to a gunfight in real life because of how ludicrous advantage the projectile has over being melee, especially if the firearm is being used by someone trained in it, and especially if the weapon is a semi-auto or an auto.

Round 3, the Sniper and SAW would automatically KO Mario and Luigi in their first life before they can do anything. What the heck can they even do against a SAW with its formidable firepower and 150 round magazine? If one guy has a cape, does it remove the bullets?
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Would the scenario change much if in the first round they started 20 yards apart?
 
whitehawkpro said:
Remember Mario isn't technically a human
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why so ? if you mean the homo nintendonus thing, im pretty sure any member of the homo genus irl is still called a human
wikipedia said:
Homo habilis ("handy man") is a species of archaic human [...]
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even if he werent the same species as a modern human hed still be. a human
 
Two scenarios :
ScenarioA : Mario and Luigi get shot to death quicker than they can say " Mama " yeah he gets shot down so fast he can't even get to mia
ScenarioB : Mario brings in the super stars and wrecks the entire other side due to pure invincibility unless I don't know the Marine somehow brought some lava with them or just conveniently made an endless pit before the fight
 
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