Typical Tragedy

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Don't Fear said:
Well, there aren't any tensions- that's just Tabuu's envy and spite coming to the surface. Basically, he started hating them for things they didn't even do.
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Ahhhh that makes more sense.

Bec Noir said:
OH GOD NO ANOTNO Y U BE TRAITIN'???? :'(
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WESA ALL GONNA DIE!!!!! 1!! @_@
 
Oh, one thing.

Would it be alright if I fixed minor grammar errors or typos? Like a part-time post-release editor or something?

I mean, I'm pretty good at finding them.
[quote author=Chapter 26]How does he even hold a like that one-handed?[/quote]
I'm guessing that there's supposed to be the word "sword" or "weapon" or something similar in that space.
 
augh

these cliffhangers are torture

It's nice to see that the group is fighting well now, and that fortunately, in this story anyways, symbolism isn't just symbolism. It's actually important and relevant to the story.

Another good plus: we aren't seeing too much of the action from one or two users' perspectives. Up until now it was more or less exhibiting an effect I also noted in the movie Kung Fu Panda (weird reference, but bear with me) - with too many main characters, their personalities are more likely to get shunted to the side. In Kung Fu Panda, has anyone noticed how Viper, Crane, and Monkey have about five, six lines per movie? That's what had happened earlier in this story with Smiley, Walkazo, and Alex, and I'm happy to say that it's been corrected in this chapter.

The added backstory behind Walkazo is also great.

Problems? Son of Suns is starting to feel just a bit overpowered. Not nearly as bad as Rudnicki, though. (excuse me for a sec, but seriously - how does a Nega take out a fourth of the biggest Wiki on earth's army? I mean, doesn't Wikipedia have protocol for this kind of thing? If Negas are so stupidly powerful, they could take out entire independent wikis by themselves.) The power creep is showing a bit here, since he's been bashed an insane amount by an Admin's strongest power and is still kicking at 100% or at least near 100%.

The real issue here is not how powerful he is compared to the group, however; it's how powerful he is compared to the last Sub, Pantaro, who got smashed pretty easily.

Other than that, great as usual.
 
Negas are fairly rare, and SoS isn't that powerful.

If Scarecrow's Omega Banishment had landed, he would've killed him- which is why Stumpers intervened.

Pantaro wasn't a ranked user at all. SoS, Xzelion and Stumpers were, which is why they're much stronger. Pantaro gets stronger as things go on, though.
 
Don't Fear said:
Pantaro wasn't a ranked user at all. SoS, Xzelion and Stumpers were, which is why they're much stronger. Pantaro gets stronger as things go on, though.
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Ah, that makes sense.

Also, the fact that Son of Suns was a Bureaucrat and practically one of the founders of the Wiki would logically make him pretty powerful.

By extension, this means Sub-Plumber is going to be pretty powerful too. Hoo boy.
Don't Fear said:
Negas are fairly rare,
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Yes, but you'd expect the strongest and one of the oldest wikis in the whole Internet to at least be able to defend against a Nega. It's not like it would be anything new.

I mean, even Mariowiki had seen a Nega before in Willy on Wheels (who, incidentally, I noted in real life popped up on Wikipedia as Willy on Waffles. bizarre).
 
Actually in TT, Willy was a Nega for Wikipedia. He was killed by Michael and Dean- this is mentioned offhandedly, but it's actually pretty important.
 
Don't Fear said:
Actually in TT, Willy was a Nega for Wikipedia. He was killed by Michael and Dean- this is mentioned offhandedly, but it's actually pretty important.
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I knew it.

There's got to be more to this backstory, otherwise you wouldn't have left it hanging earlier.
 
Alright, I was chatting with a couple friends of mine about a book in English class and it led me to a couple revelations about what could make Typical Tragedy even better.

The biggest possible improvement: Showing the reader the characters' emotions, personality, actions, as opposed to telling us. For example of what I'm talking about, look at the vs Zanza section. Tabuu's rage was not directly stating his dislike of other characters, but rather demonstrating his inner darkness without having to state anything specific. With Tabuu, Steve, and Johnston, viewing things from their perspective also contained their emotional reactions to events, something that hasn't happened much with the other characters.

For example, look at this section of Chapter 29:
Scarecrow’s Point of View.

The rain had become even heavier, and I could hardly see five feet ahead of myself. Regardless, I charged forward, with the rest of the group behind me and at my side.

“They’re coming!” Javelin shouted.

I conjured my book and my pencil, hastily scrawled a word inside, and dispelled it. I leaped forward just as my pencil morphed into a giant guillotine blade. It was about seven feet long, and it was extremely thick.

And I wielded it effortlessly.

I slashed the guillotine forward and it crashed against Son of Sun’s black crucifix. We blasted away from one another, and as Son landed on the ground, Stumpers and Xzelion landed beside him.

“That’s an improvement,” he said, leering at me, “Especially compared to last time.” I glared back at him.

“Xze!” SoS barked, “Don’t you remember the rule? You always kill the medic first! Why didn't you make sure he was dead last time?” Xzelion gave an irritated sigh and burst forward, summoning his daggers and blasting past me, Pantaro and Walkazo, towards MBV, who was in the back-

Xzelion slashed.

Both of his weapons met with Smiley’s knife.

She flicked her wrist.

The blades shattered.

Sub-Xzelion’s eyes widened, and Smiley used his surprise to her advantage, cutting through the Sub’s chest. Xzelion stumbled backward, grasping at his wound. It quickly healed, and his daggers regenerated.

Smiley scowled at him, holding her knife out at him and standing in front of MBV, daring him to attack our medic. Xzelion sighed.

Pantaro attempted to slash at Xze’s back, but he was blasted back by an invisible barrier and launched out of the street and to the sidewalk. Xzelion’s blades gave a light glow and started vibrating rapidly. He clenched at the blades and got into his stance, prepared to lunge for Smiley once more.

“He’s a gravity user!” Javelin said, “Those daggers give him control over his immediate gravitational field! You can’t break through a guard like that- you have to wait until he lets it down!”

“I know that.” Smiley said, calmly. She stared directly into Xzelion’s eyes and smirked. “I’ve fought Xzelion before.”
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There isn't a single indication of Scarecrow's feelings, thoughts, or anything unique to him. It's basically just a narration of the battle with first-person pronouns instead of third person when referring to Scarecrow. Therefore, the reader can't connect with him at all because there's nothing personal about it.

You can't really bond with a character as a reader unless you can put yourself in their shoes and be the character.

I had a couple other points, but they aren't nearly as important as they're mostly minor.
 
The Zanza battle was what I've always been trying to do with TT- to put forth the character's emotions during the fighting. You're absolutely right- I'll try to channel the same things I did when I wrote out the Zanza fight.

But one reason I have trouble is that I don't want to make the other characters act OOC- they're still based on other people, and I can't gauge how they'd react to those events.

Me? I'm easily corrupted and I know that. I put on the "Vs. Zanza" music and intentionally put myself into my character's mindset and let the words flow.

I could do it with Johnston and Steve since I treated them like OCs, but the rest of the main cast are people I know. I just don't know how to do that sort of writing with them.
 
Don't Fear said:
But one reason I have trouble is that I don't want to make the other characters act OOC- they're still based on other people, and I can't gauge how they'd react to those events.
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A good point, I can see trying to keep them similar to how they usually appear.

You could create a personality based on your perception of the person. It wouldn't be a perfect representation of them, but if you know them well, it would fairly accurate and much more interesting to the reader.

A better method would be to work with the person to create a personality for them, which would be more realistic (although more time-consuming). This way, you wouldn't have to worry about creating an out of character reaction.

But hey, the story's still great, and respecting peoples' personalities in this way is great too.

Don't Fear said:
Me? I'm easily corrupted and I know that. I put on the "Vs. Zanza" music and intentionally put myself into my character's mindset and let the words flow.
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I'm compiling a list of friends and rivals that I'll put into various positions of power when I take over the world. Should I place you as a "advisor to puppet monarch" instead of "puppet monarch"?

No, I'm not actually compiling such a list, and if you seriously thought I was that crazy...
 
Viceroy Bubbles von Salamancer said:
Uh too much discussion here.
I can't keep up with all of this.
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Coming soon from Doctor Javelin:

SparkNotes on Typical Tragedy.

Also includes a bonus SparkNotes on discussions between the two authors.
 
(diff | hist) . . N Typical Tragedy/29 - Forgiveness‎; 01:20 . . (+13,332) . . Don't Fear (Talk | contribs | block) (Created page with "<big>'''Is the ultimate sacrifice.'''</big> ''Seven Years Ago''
'''Walkazo’s Point of View.''' Stumpers sighed. “Alright,” he said, smiling, “You’ve tired me out...")

Three threes, too.
 
Also, about the characters- I'll try to put more emotional involvement in with them, but Tabuu is the main character, so they won't have scenes like the Zanza fight. Anyways, the other ones aren't as flawed as he is- which is why the emotion is so much more noticeable when he starts slipping over the edge.
 
Viceroy Bubbles von Salamancer said:
Wait you put that many words in a chapter?

Wow.
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It's a character count, which includes spaces and all the little text that modifies it and stuff.

Still at least 10,000 characters, though.
 
also, talking to me in chat often lets you see sneak previews of TT
and you can even see me write in real time
just saying
 
Good to know, if this Macbook would let Mibbit work.

Which it doesn't. I like Windows much better.

(I still remember one story arc that you said you were planning to do, though it looks like the story's going in a different direction now.)
 
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