Typical Tragedy

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Chapter 14: Very calm, great, I like it, there's really not that much to say about it, it's really good, especially the evolving of characters.

5/5
 
Don't Fear said:
Also, Javelin:

The reason Rudnicki sent Pantaro instead of doing it himself is because if Rudnicki fights seriously, his power will basically be detected by everyone within the radius the size of a small country. The only reason he was able to do anything in Murzon's parlor was because the parlor was built with a material that stops energy from escaping. Like sound proofing, but for insane amounts of power.
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Ah.

Makes sense.

Also do I detect a few Percy Jackson references? I mean, a pen that's a sword and the fact that you keep having dreams that tell stories...

Coincidence? I think not.
 
Review:

The end tied up quite nicely. You were right, short but important, and for sure that is. I love how there's that big unfold in the story's plot and some background information is brought up. Quick, but great.

5/5
 
Good.

Though I find it a little lame that the villains are so overpowered that then entire party can barely defeat one. I suppose that's my personal preference though, I prefer thinkers to fighters.
 
Discord said:
No offense but when I read online I prefer short bursts rather than long stuff.
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I guess you will not like Extinction: Rise of the Mutants

Dr. Javelin said:
Good.

Though I find it a little lame that the villains are so overpowered that then entire party can barely defeat one. I suppose that's my personal preference though, I prefer thinkers to fighters.
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I lol'd when you said good because of your avatar.

Now the review:
For the most part it is a great chapter. The fighting scene is vivid and detailed, and the chapter didn't end on the short-term of a fight, but it continued on to a quick non-fighting scene, good.

4.9/5
 
Dr. Javelin said:
Good.

Though I find it a little lame that the villains are so overpowered that then entire party can barely defeat one. I suppose that's my personal preference though, I prefer thinkers to fighters.
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You aren't going to like this story much, then. There's a big focus on teamwork (as in actual RPGS) and many of the villains are way too powerful to be taken on one-on-one.

Actually, scratch that. There's only three baddies like that. The group of Subs will be fought one-on-one or two-to-tone.
 
Don't Fear said:
(as in actual RPGS)
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This is my problem.
Granted, it's not really present in your story; but I don't like it when people write like a video game. By which I mean, there's a series of bosses and a cliche plot, etc.
 
Hmm.

It's just that if a Sysop, a Bureaucrat, and four other users could barely stop one troll, and they didn't even kill him, then it raises doubts as to how these wikis survived for so long.

But anyways it's not that important, the fight was impressive.
Discord said:
Don't Fear said:
(as in actual RPGS)
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This is my problem.
Granted, it's not really present in your story; but I don't like it when people write like a video game. By which I mean, there's a series of bosses and a cliche plot, etc.
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Boo hoo.
 
Consult my edited post.

And Murzon isn't a troll in this story- he's a human, a user. He's just incredibly powerful.

His "weapon" isn't the Slayer magic he uses- it's his mind. As he's demonstrated, he's psychic. And since, as you've probably figured out, his fight against the team was basically him toying with them, he didn't even use those abilities against them. What he normally would've done is read their minds and reacted to their moves before they even finished making them.
 
Don't Fear said:
Consult my edited post.

And Murzon isn't a troll in this story- he's a human, a user. He's just incredibly powerful.

His "weapon" isn't the Slayer magic he uses- it's his mind. As he's demonstrated, he's psychic. And since, as you've probably figured out, his fight against the team was basically him toying with them, he didn't even use those abilities against them. What he normally would've done is read their minds and reacted to their moves before they even finished making them.
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Bleah. Psychics always irritate me.

Even if it's a good guy, I still don't want them reading my thoughts. It's so irritating, which is why I always try to give myself impregnable mind defenses in stories. Even when I was in fifth grade and I was writing a cheesy superhero story I made myself immune to psychics because they're awful.

I think I read a crossover Star Wars/Star Trek fanfic where Picard kept cursing psychics (Jedi) because he couldn't do anything against them...
 
I agree with Javelin about psychics (topic derail.) It's like, seriously, get out of my head. You don't need to see every single though I have.
 
He's not a typical psychic.

He doesn't, like, dive into your mind and find out everything you know. It's just the thoughts that're sticking out in your head at the moment, and if you're attacking him, it gives him all the time he needs to react.

Overusage of this ability, however, results in him getting really exhausted and may even kill him if he persists.

And Murzon, well, he's not as much as an asshole as he appears to be.
 
Don't Fear said:
Overusage of this ability, however, results in him getting really exhausted and may even kill him if he persists.
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That's alright, then.

It also means that a wiki could realistically take him down because he wouldn't be able to approximate the moves of hundreds of users.

And does this mean that he could actually end up being downright helpful like in Resolutions? o_O
 
Oh look, a king who wants to cause a huge war and turn nations against each other.
Nice writing, I can feel this picking up.
 
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