Give the next poster an item

Mega Bird Jesus, here I come!

Next user gets a basket at their door.
 
-gives it to Dimento, so that the events of Dimento getting banned can happen, so a time paradox doesn't happen-

Next person gets to be the Wilfred Warfstache.
 
I'll just use that on the straightaway, thanks.

Next person gets a dead battery.
 
I think I'll pass, thanks. Eating sand doesn't appeal to me.

Next person gets a recording contract.
 
I'll take it! Mosquitos are the most annoying things ever.

Next person gets a cat.
 
Yay, now I can put those GloFish™ in it!

Next person gets a trip to anywhere they want.
 
Thanks for tomorrow's lunch.

Next person gets a new car.
 
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