Project 132 (beta)

How was the latest update? If you just plain didn't like it, leave me a review below.

  • Eh, neutral.

    Votes: 1 50.0%

  • I liked it.

    Votes: 1 50.0%

  • It was awesome!

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Total voters
    2
Re: Project 132 - Introducing a reboot of three other reboots - Sign-ups are open!

Chiaki Nanami said:
The first thing I'm going to comment on is the fake IRC logs. I like them, keep them coming. I'll elaborate more on the chapter when I'm on my laptop and I'm not feeling like I'm dying of being tired.
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I eagerly await your feedback.
 
Re: Project 132 - Introducing a reboot of three other reboots - Sign-ups are open!

I think it's one of your better openings.
 
Re: Project 132 - Introducing a reboot of three other reboots - Sign-ups are open!

Now that I've read it through, I know exactly what the main issue with this is: the short paragraphs. Seriously, if you could make the paragraphs a bit more connected (for instance, not having a bunch of short, one-sentence-long paragraphs), then there would be a better flow (yay for situational puns!) in the story.

But nonetheless, I really enjoyed the opening. Because stuff actually happens, as opposed to Typical Tragedy in which nothing happened in the opening.

I'm also eager to see what you'll make with my character, if I am even in, that is.
 
Re: Project 132 - Introducing a reboot of three other reboots - Sign-ups are open!

yeah ok i'll sign up

I read the first chapter and actually can say I enjoyed it. I think it is a good start and that it introduces the first few characters well (especially Kat), and I also enjoyed the brief description of Trine. You laid out the basics for the story's environment, haven't gone into anything over the top yet... I approve. May this go somewhere interesting.

I do kind of agree with Pi about some of the numerous minimal paragraphs. Massive paragraphs aren't the answer, but a middle ground would make reading a bit easier, if achievable, I think.
 
Re: Project 132 - Introducing a reboot of three other reboots - Sign-ups are open!

Agreed; scrolling down is a detriment to suspension of disbelief.

Not that it's a big thing, but hey, it'll help.

(also was i the only one who noticed that it was like artemis fowl, i mean kat was like "heal" and then he was healed)
 
Re: Project 132 - Introducing a reboot of three other reboots - Sign-ups are open!

I knew I had read that somewhere before, but I figured it had been another 132.
 
Re: Project 132 - Introducing a reboot of three other reboots - Sign-ups are open!

Updated.

also, my character's surname has been retconned to "Lockheart"
 
Re: Project 132 - Introducing a reboot of three other reboots - Sign-ups are open!

Tabuu, stuff is happening and that is good. However, you've still got to decrease the quantity of the really small paragraphs everywhere. Don't make them too long, but don't make them too short either; finding the perfect balance should take some experimentation, but once you get it down it will read much, much better.
 
Re: Project 132 - Introducing a reboot of three other reboots - Sign-ups are open!

I'm conflicted there, though. The last time I got description and exposition heavy, Typical Tragedy happened and I found writing that very exhausting and unpleasant after awhile.

I'm a fan of heavy dialogue, too, but I don't want to break it up with a bunch of description before, after and during every line.

I really don't know what to do. I tried stopping everything from coming in single lines like last time, but...
 
Re: Project 132 - Introducing a reboot of three other reboots - Sign-ups are open!

I'll figure something out.

Also, I added a key for character names to the user names in the main post.
 
Re: Project 132 - Introducing a reboot of three other reboots - Sign-ups are open!

Yeah, those short paragraphs are getting annoying. Other than that, it's good.
 
Re: Project 132 - Introducing a reboot of three other reboots - Sign-ups are open!

I went back and edited all the line spacing, so it should be easier to read now.
 
Re: Project 132 - Introducing a reboot of three other reboots - Sign-ups are open!

argh i need to get time to read this
 
Re: Project 132 - Introducing a reboot of three other reboots - Sign-ups are open!

yes stuff is happening now

I gotta say, I love the imagery of the swords and stuff - it's got a level of detail that I didn't see in TT but that doesn't detract from the plot - rather, it adds to the mystique and general awesomeness of the weapons.

thumbup.gif


(also am i the only one reading this or something? i'm kinda out of the loop due to not having much internet access)
 
Re: Project 132 - Introducing a reboot of three other reboots - Sign-ups are open!

review it then, because tabuu LOVES reviews

it's a little-known secret that reviewing tabuu's fics boosts your odds of being featured in them by about 10%

also just fyi that is a completely made up fact
 
Re: Project 132 - Introducing a reboot of three other reboots - Sign-ups are open!

Ooh, I got an "Agonizing" rating. Either this story is becoming popular enough to get haters, or somebody is genuinely displeased!

If you have any problems, I would greatly appreciate your feedback. :)
 
Re: Project 132 - Introducing a reboot of three other reboots - Sign-ups are open!

...the island will eventually start falling at terminal velocity...
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you are of course aware that the "terminal" in terminal velocity doesn't mean "deadly" and that it actually means that the velocity is no longer increasing

and therefore the fact that the island will be falling at terminal velocity would actually be kind of good as it would mean that it would no longer be speeding up
"Now, gimme some o’ dat exposition."
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thumbup.gif
 
Re: Project 132 - Introducing a reboot of three other reboots - Sign-ups are open!

"Terminal velocity" is still established as really freaking fast for even small objects, like humans, and even if it's reached a steady speed, that means gravity has done its job and is pulling it downward as fast as it can. The usage is still correct, but I must admit that I didn't know that.

tl;dr, I'm not wrong but Javelin has still schooled me
 
Re: Project 132 - Introducing a reboot of three other reboots - Sign-ups are open!

don't feel bad it's a common misconception
 
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