Project 132 (beta)

How was the latest update? If you just plain didn't like it, leave me a review below.

  • Eh, neutral.

    Votes: 1 50.0%

  • I liked it.

    Votes: 1 50.0%

  • It was awesome!

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Total voters
    2
Re: Project 132 - Sign-ups, reviews and ratings welcome! - Reference sheet added!

he can slow it down to a manageable speed and twist and turn it too

anyways, golden fang's max speed is literally the speed of light (but it's impractical (and your body would get ripped apart) so nobody ever uses it to go that fast)
 
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yeah but didn't xze just move at nigh-speed of light and suffer no ill effects

i think you should just have it so he can only teleport with the lightning, like using already existing lightning as a method of transport; but he can't actually control it

only with canet's help can he aim the teleportation, because basically canet aims the lightning and then xze moves with it

or something like that
 
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Marisa said:
yeah but didn't xze just move at nigh-speed of light and suffer no ill effects
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He can merge with the lightning and control its speed. Edo actually took damage from riding the bolt with him, though, being a darkness elemental and all.

i think you should just have it so he can only teleport with the lightning, like using already existing lightning as a method of transport; but he can't actually control it
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he has to be able to control it

and he conjured a bolt in his fight with stooben anyways

only with canet's help can he aim the teleportation, because basically canet aims the lightning and then xze moves with it

or something like that
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nah
 
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Jack English said:
i think you should just have it so he can only teleport with the lightning, like using already existing lightning as a method of transport; but he can't actually control it
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he has to be able to control it

and he conjured a bolt in his fight with stooben anyways
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Maybe he should still be able to launch lightning, but he can't attack or anything while riding it. Because flying at >96 million meters a second and being able to attack is ludicrous.

I mean honestly, that alone could stop Max. Unbelievable strength has its uses, but impossible speed always wins.

maybe this means that Xze is the real villain
 
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He slows it down whenever he's actually in combat. For, you know, practicality. He can slow it to a halt or go at full speed- which he only does when fleeing because, yet again, going that fast is ridiculous in a combat situation.

Max is just as strong with lightning as Xzelion as, by the way. All Cynds are Sages- and the two Maxes are Sages dialed up to eleven.

Max II's Sage powers by themselves are as strong as his father in his prime- but with the addition of his place as Meiro's son, he has the same level of Gravity manipulation as she does. Meaning, yes, he's the strongest being in existence- no competition.

the chapter of Project 132 I've been working on (no formatting) said:
“You have just about the exact same amount of power that I have,” Cyria said, “No chimera is cut down in comparison to their parents. It’s just...technique that you have to learn. Control. Discipline.”

“Wait...” I paled, “Does that mean Evoltsul- Max II- whatever the fuck- does that mean he’s just as strong as Meiro is? How am I supposed to fight that?”

“Number one,” Cyria said raising a finger and pointing it at me, “You won’t be fighting him alone. That’s why we’re gathering the Beasts and the Chimeras. Number two,” he said, raising another finger, “He’s actually a lot stronger than that. He’s the son of Maximilian Cynd, remember? His father was the ultimate Sage before he removed his affinities and created the Ancestors with them. Even after this, Max was powerful- and his son even more so, because he never weakened himself.”

“S-so...Evoltsul’s...”

“Stronger than the creator of the planet and stronger than the founder of the human race, yes. He’s the strongest being in existence, bar none.”

I thought about Ruin for a moment, but decided not to say anything. Ruin can’t be that strong, can he?

No, I realized, Because Ruin didn’t kill Max Senior until after he’d weakened himself by creating the Ancestors. The history books don’t say much on the subject of Max’s weakening...
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And yes, the Ancestors are physical manifestations of Max I's affinities. That's how they were created.
 
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as a sidenote, Evoltsul and his mother's strongest Gravity technique is conjuring a black hole

try to outrun that
 
Re: Project 132 - Sign-ups, reviews and ratings welcome! - Reference sheet added!

Jack English said:
He slows it down whenever he's actually in combat. For, you know, practicality. He can slow it to a halt or go at full speed- which he only does when fleeing because, yet again, going that fast is ridiculous in a combat situation.
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okay i guess that works then
Jack English said:
as a sidenote, Evoltsul and his mother's strongest Gravity technique is conjuring a black hole

try to outrun that
Click to expand...
...

we need to build a death star to stop this guy

or something
 
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why isn't bill named William Freechmen, can you please answer that
 
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Severa said:
why isn't bill named William Freechmen, can you please answer that
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As an Ancestor, his last name was required to be "Canet". He and I decided Allen would make a good first name.
 
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i wrote this review last night hope you enjoy

Well, first off, what kind of mood are you going for with this story? I understand why the main character suddenly segues into dick jokes, and is particularly brute-force about fighting; that's just the way his personality is. However, he seems to do this at the most inopportune times, like when he woke up in the Palace of Colony 1, and immediately starts cracking jokes about his kidnapper, of all people.

Maybe the reader already knows that it won't end badly due to Stooben's chatlogs from the chapter before, but from Christopher's uninformed point of view, he could have easily gotten himself into some major trouble but chose to take the risk anyway. Do you want the mood of this story to be both serious and sarcastic at the same time? One where the main character is a smartass all the time, regardless of what it might land him in?

These aren't things I want you to worry about, or guidelines that I want you to work towards following. This is entirely your story, and that last paragraph was just meant to ask "What are your intentions?" If the mood the story has now is one that you are content with, then that is a good thing.

However, a thing I did find concerning was: why does Tucker blatantly ignore Chris's question about the almond milk? There was absolutely no indication given that anyone acknowledged it; Chris himself doesn't even seem to remember asking about it in the next section (whether or not Tucker hears Chris mention it is debatable, but there wasn't even a line noting that he didn't pick up on it). The closest thing that might indicate that, yes, Tucker did in fact realize Chris was asking him about the milk is "He shook his head". But since Chris was presumably drinking the milk while inside the house (the story mentions that he stepped outside (with Tucker opening his shed a moment later) after he asks whether or not it's almond), Tucker was probably already focused on retrieving the katana from the shed, and shook his head as a reaction to something... but what?

This is something I want you to answer, unlike the last "questions" I had. Did the almond milk dilemma get resolved off-screen? Was Tucker shaking his head actually intended as an answer to Chris's question? How much time elapsed between Chris asking what flavor the milk was and Tucker searching the shed? Details about this would be much appreciated.

While I have caught up to where the story is now, I can't think of anything too in-depth to say about Intermission I or Part II. This applies to both positive and negative comments; I apologize for leaving such a major part out of the review, but I hope you understand.

I'd like to end on this (anything else I wrote would probably be abstract questions reserved for another post). Overall, I can't really form an opinion on the story itself; I think that, even in Part II, things haven't folded out enough for me to feel more strongly about it. I do think your writing could still improve, but the only way that will happen is if you keep writing and building on things.
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Severa said:
i wrote this review last night hope you enjoy

Well, first off, what kind of mood are you going for with this story? I understand why the main character suddenly segues into dick jokes, and is particularly brute-force about fighting; that's just the way his personality is. However, he seems to do this at the most inopportune times, like when he woke up in the Palace of Colony 1, and immediately starts cracking jokes about his kidnapper, of all people.
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Since Tabuu in this story is basically me with exaggerated qualities, he tries to make light out of everything with lame jokes...or gets to despairing about it really hard and really quickly. Since he woke up after being kidnapped with his clothes missing, him healed, and in a pretty nice-looking place...well, he decided to lean towards the former.

Maybe the reader already knows that it won't end badly due to Stooben's chatlogs from the chapter before, but from Christopher's uninformed point of view, he could have easily gotten himself into some major trouble but chose to take the risk anyway. Do you want the mood of this story to be both serious and sarcastic at the same time? One where the main character is a smartass all the time, regardless of what it might land him in?
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Now that's an interesting question. I want something with a plot- a story that can be taken seriously. However, I also want to have an aspect of fun in the story- I don't want it to be told from the perspective of a perpetually-depressed loner overwhelmed with all the responsibilities thrown on his shoulder, because who wants to read that?

Tabuu will probably be a smartass during most of the story and it will result in him getting himself into trouble. However, I do want to change the mood a bit- either through his changing emotional state or the perspectives of other main characters.

These aren't things I want you to worry about, or guidelines that I want you to work towards following. This is entirely your story, and that last paragraph was just meant to ask "What are your intentions?" If the mood the story has now is one that you are content with, then that is a good thing.
Click to expand...

It is, but I don't want to be causing any dissonance. If an aspect of my story contradicts with another, there's a problem- and I need to fix it.

However, a thing I did find concerning was: why does Tucker blatantly ignore Chris's question about the almond milk? There was absolutely no indication given that anyone acknowledged it; Chris himself doesn't even seem to remember asking about it in the next section (whether or not Tucker hears Chris mention it is debatable, but there wasn't even a line noting that he didn't pick up on it). The closest thing that might indicate that, yes, Tucker did in fact realize Chris was asking him about the milk is "He shook his head". But since Chris was presumably drinking the milk while inside the house (the story mentions that he stepped outside (with Tucker opening his shed a moment later) after he asks whether or not it's almond), Tucker was probably already focused on retrieving the katana from the shed, and shook his head as a reaction to something... but what?

This is something I want you to answer, unlike the last "questions" I had. Did the almond milk dilemma get resolved off-screen? Was Tucker shaking his head actually intended as an answer to Chris's question? How much time elapsed between Chris asking what flavor the milk was and Tucker searching the shed? Details about this would be much appreciated.
Click to expand...

Tuck shaking his head was his answer to Chris' question, yeah. The question and the shed search happened back-to-back, though- they rolled together in-writing because that's how they went in-story.

While I have caught up to where the story is now, I can't think of anything too in-depth to say about Intermission I or Part II. This applies to both positive and negative comments; I apologize for leaving such a major part out of the review, but I hope you understand.

I'd like to end on this (anything else I wrote would probably be abstract questions reserved for another post). Overall, I can't really form an opinion on the story itself; I think that, even in Part II, things haven't folded out enough for me to feel more strongly about it. I do think your writing could still improve, but the only way that will happen is if you keep writing and building on things.
Click to expand...

Of course. I hope I addressed your criticism well enough- and I'll be sure to keep all that you've said in mind as I work.
 
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it seems that Tabuu is always the one messing things up and everyone has to come in and clean up after him

"I just picked up this place! Can you keep it clean for, like, fifteen minutes?"
 
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what do you mean
 
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was just a joke on how tabuu often does something that the villains take advantage of, meaning that it's his fault or something

Kind of a Nice Job Breaking It, Hero thing. I dunno, it just seems to happen a lot to me.

this is a minor thing okay so don't freak out about it
 
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oh well yeah that's a thing
 
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Reading this now, since it's been a while.

Your knack for high fight theatrics hasn't faded away; the Xzelion battle impresses. I didn't know what to expect once that dragon spawned. But once everything was said and done, I was left wanting more, so I guess the pacing was pretty good in the battle. The Edo battle was more engaging, I think; while his dialogue felt a little...forced, I guess, this visuals painted in this battle were more enjoyable. He's certainly condescending in the heat of battle. His powers are some of the coolest in the entire story, I think, too. The appearance of Cyria was nice, but conveniently useful.

Edo's death felt quick, though it was still somewhat gracefully executed. I hope he still has some relevance or standing in the story later on, even if it's minimal. His character was enjoyable.



I will say that I noticed your line breaks are becoming more frequent again; I found the chapters difficult to read because of that. Compress equally relevant statements into small paragraphs (3-4 lines are generally nice); statements and thoughts are fine when kept separately, obviously, though.
 
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more epic fight scenes

more awesome powers

who cares about where the story's going, this is just cool
 
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