Dear Waluigi Time

Waluigi Time

Waluigi Time

Too Bad!
Core 'Shroom Staff
Awards Committee
Poll Committee
Retired Wiki Staff
Pronouns
He/him
Have you ever needed the dubious advice of a cereal magnate to solve life's problems? Is one of your OCs struggling with something and somehow unable to find anyone more qualified to turn to? Do you just like goofy 'Shroom sections? Well good news, The 'Shroom's latest advice column, Dear Waluigi Time, is here, and ready for your questions!

I'll be giving "advice" on about three questions per issue. I will generally be answering only one question per user in a single issue to make it fair, but feel free to submit as many questions as you want at a time. Questions can be submitted from the perspective of yourself, your original character, a character you like, your dog... Just about anyone, really!

I'll try to answer as many questions as I can, although obviously I can't get to everyone right away. If I've decided to completely reject a question, I will inform you and let you know why.

Guidelines:
  • Don't submit questions as another user's original character without permission. Mentioning someone else's OC is generally okay, as long as they're not being used in ways the creator wouldn't want.
    • Using a pre-existing character that another user has used as a roleplay is fine, as long as you aren't using their specific portrayal. (Example: A user decides to roleplay as Bugs Bunny in a mafia game. It's okay for you to submit a question as Bugs Bunny, as long as you aren't clearly trying to be that version of the character by referencing other characters or events from that game.)
  • Please avoid asking questions as figures that are likely to be controversial. If you're unsure about this, feel free to ask me before submitting.
  • Be respectful of real people.
  • Occasionally, users have asked follow-up questions (i.e. "I followed your advice and this happened, now what?"). Doing this is totally fine, but please try to be sparing with these. I like to answer them as soon as possible so the original question is still fairly fresh in the minds of readers, but I also want to keep it fair and leave room for everyone to have questions answered. Follow-ups should be limited to 1-2 additional questions at most, and probably shouldn't be done every time a question you submit gets answered.
  • Remember that this is just a comedic 'Shroom section, and shouldn't be used as a substitute for actual advice. If you have a legitimate problem that you need help with, this isn't the place for it.

If you can't or don't want to submit your questions here on the forums, you can also contact me on my wiki talk page or ping me in the Super Mario Wiki Discord server.
 
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Dear Waluigi Time,

As a lab mouse with the intent to conquer the world, I sometimes feel the need of hunger more often than usual. Your sickeningly staunch concoction cereal is a great way to curb that hunger.

So, when I become ruler of the Earth, I promise that you will be unrivaled in competition on the shelfs. Everyone will buy Waluigi Time Cereal, the official food of the Brain Republic! You will be a trillionaire and your products will be in every house and home!

What do you say to this deal, Mr. Time? I have to cut this letter short; I'm going to take over the world!

Sincerely yours, the future ruler of planet earth, The Brain.
 
Yakko said:
Dear Waluigi Time,

As a lab mouse with the intent to conquer the world, I sometimes feel the need of hunger more often than usual. Your sickeningly staunch concoction cereal is a great way to curb that hunger.

So, when I become ruler of the Earth, I promise that you will be unrivaled in competition on the shelfs. Everyone will buy Waluigi Time Cereal, the official food of the Brain Republic! You will be a trillionaire and your products will be in every house and home!

What do you say to this deal, Mr. Time? I have to cut this letter short; I'm going to take over the world!

Sincerely yours, the future ruler of planet earth, The Brain.
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So to preface this, I will be accepting this question!

That being said, as a general heads up to everyone, I usually can't get much content out of questions that aren't actually asking for advice, so please keep that in mind when submitting. The first issue should give an approximate idea of a good answer length and the sorts of questions I'm aiming for here. With a little creative spin, most ordinary questions can probably be turned into a request for advice, so keep that in mind as well - if anyone needs some help with that I'm happy to work with you on it. I'm letting this particular question slide because I have a pretty good idea of what to do with it already.
 
Waluigi Time said:
So to preface this, I will be accepting this question!

That being said, as a general heads up to everyone, I usually can't get much content out of questions that aren't actually asking for advice, so please keep that in mind when submitting. The first issue should give an approximate idea of a good answer length and the sorts of questions I'm aiming for here. With a little creative spin, most ordinary questions can probably be turned into a request for advice, so keep that in mind as well - if anyone needs some help with that I'm happy to work with you on it. I'm letting this particular question slide because I have a pretty good idea of what to do with it already.
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Thanks for the advice!
 
Dear Waluigi Time,
I have a boss who shall not be named that refuses to give me a raise despite my contributions to the company, I mean, I'm upper management for pete's sake! How do you suggest I approach my boss for that raise that I deserve?!
- "Stellar Ranchhand"
 
Dear Waluigi Time

I need some advice on playing video games with my girlfriend. Obviously, Cayde loves Mario Kart, but often loses against me. She gets frustrated and storms off after a couple races.

I know that Smart Steering and Auto-Accelerate are options, but I don't want Cayde to feel pushed along while In a race.

How can I help her get better at Mario Kart and also make it so she doesn't get angry when she loses?

Sincerely, Zerris H.
 
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Dear Waluigi Time,
Being the subordinate to a crazed mad scientist has its downsides, and I'm feeling that now more than ever. I have to support my people in the Awards Committee, but that requires spending more time out of the office and getting to know my Awards crew. I think my evil boss is starting to feel the distance, I can sense his sadness in the lab. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I also need to prioritize for my own life alongside his. What should I do?
-Thorn in Their Sides
 
Hi Waluigi Time,

I let my "son" (long story) into my life in an attempt to bond with him, but he's stopped socialising with me, appears at random to watch me in the dark, and sometimes breaks into my house and occupies my favourite chair. What do I do?

- Troubled Paternal Gentleman
 
Dear Waluigi Time,

Ever since I first laid eyes on the sport of bowling, it has been my dream to play bowling myself. However, since I am a Goomba and therefore don't have hands or fingers, I cannot hold a bowling ball, and I was unable to find any Goomba-tailored bowling balls to use. Do you have any recommendations as to how to fix this conundrum?

- Goombuigi
 
Hello Waluigi Time.

I followed your advice from last month. Me and my Son are now as one. However I no longer resemble me. This is because I accidentally destroyed my suit and I don't know how to get more clothes. I want to look like me again.

How could I replace my clothes so I can look like me again.

Thank you Waluigi Time.

- 2 Troubled Paternal Gentlemen.
 
Hey Waluigi Time, Scott Here!

Ever since my Wii Play reselling business went under, I've been on the lookout for new entrepreneurial opportunities. Unfortunately for me, nothing's really come up. I know you have a good business going on, with all that cereal, so what's your secret? How does your company do so well? And how can I get similar results from a company of my own?

-Scott W.E.T.A.L.A.T.F.M.M. Wozniak (Working Title)
 
Dear Waluigi Time,

I've been having a bit of in issue recently. You see, this may sound weird, but there's three italian men living in my back garden. They all wear a red shirt and cap, blue overalls, have a moustache and are claiming to be the "Real Mario". There is absolutely nothing to distinguish them either, their faces are exactly the same, they speak in the same faux-italian accent, and keep on jumping everywhere (the grass is almost completely gone by this point). This all started a few nights ago when one of them knocked on my door and asked to stay for the night, I, of course, let him because I love mario, and didn't think any one else would come along claiming to be the "Real Mario", but since then a new Mario has arrived at my door every night, and I've let them all in. I'm worried another one is going to appear tonight!

Simply put, how do I resolve this situation? How do I figure out which Mario is the so called "Real Mario"? What do I do with him? What do I do with the rest? And how I do I stop more of them from arriving?

Sincerely, a fellow from a once average british household.
 
Cayde said:
Dear Waluigi Time

I need some advice on playing video games with my girlfriend. Obviously, Cayde loves Mario Kart, but often loses against me. She gets frustrated and storms off after a couple races.

I know that Smart Steering and Auto-Accelerate are options, but I don't want Cayde to feel pushed along while In a race.

How can I help her get better at Mario Kart and also make it so she doesn't get angry when she loses?

Sincerely, Zerris H.
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Reposting my question because I'm lazy and didn't want to write a new one
 
I mentioned this in the issue but for visibility, Issue 195 will be our movie-themed summer special. I'll be prioritizing questions relating to movies or involving characters from movies, so those would be very appreciated! Depending on how many submissions there are I may include more than three questions in the issue.
 
Dear Waluigi Time,

Zerris and I love to watch movies. However, we always end up arguing over what to watch due to there being SO MANY options. Is there a way to streamline and simplify the way we pick movies to watch without a war?

Yours truly, Cayde.
 
It's a common problem. You go to the theater, and anymore it seems like there's always someone who has their phone out! They're either checking their messages or they're even recording videos of themselves, these days.

You've surely been there before, haven't you? When the theater staff won't say something, how do you handle it, Waluigi Time?

-A Distressed Moviegoer
 
It's a common annoyance. I go to the theater, start to record the movie with my phone. Then, some bozo starts bugging me about how I shouldn't be using my phone, yaaaarghhhh!!! It's the same distressed moviegoer every time. It seems like they're following me now! Their sense of morality has driven them mad. They'll go through any lengths and means to uphold their justice. I see them crawling on the walls of the theaters, always hidden in the corner of my eye. Watching. Always watching. Watching, mamma mia!

It's so annoying, it makes me want to throw hammers. I want to throw hammers at them so I won't be so annoyed. I want hammers to hit their head so they'll stop being annoying. It would make me happy, I'm unhappy, being happy would make me happy.

Soooo like, Waluigi Time, how can I make them, like, stop following me? Your help would be appreciated :3

-Potato Sock Muncher, a very annoyed moviegoer
 
Dear Waluigi Time,

Please, help! Recently, my friend has been acting strange. Every time he does something, it seems like he isn't himself. It almost feels a group of people is bumming around inside his head, putting everything he does to a vote. This morning, he went to the fridge, then asked me if I liked rats, before proceeding to unplug the toaster and walk out of the room with it! How do I get him to stop this concerning behavior?

- Danny
 
Dear Waluigi Time,

I can't think of anything good to ask! What do I do?
-Me
 
Dear Waluigi Time,

I've been thrust into running an awards show without any chance for prior preparation! Not all of us have the charisma and natural charm of hosts like Teller Vision, so what do I do? There are schedules to work out, guests to invite, gaps to plug, and I'm running out of time! I'm stalling by handing out this infinite supply of party hats discounted for having a hole in their lower left corner, but I need help and I need it fast! What do I do?

Yours truly,
The Host Without the Most
 
Dear Waluigi Time,

I've recently been invited to this awards show, and the host keeps on offering people these party hats for free. I took one because I love to get in the party spirit, but I quickly ran into a problem, the hat has a hole in the bottom left corner! I am at a loss as to what to do with this hat now. Should I try returning the hat? Do you think there's a way to fix it? I find your wisdom is always useful in such trying times.

Sincerely, a party goer.
 
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