Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Cancelled

[Daniel Dyce]

Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Second chapter has been released

This chapter is good.

What did you like about it

You keep asking that.

I guess I like your writing style the most.

I ask because i enjoy feedback (unless it's negative feedback than your a nazi and i hate you :P )

 

[Zero777]

Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Second chapter has been released

I think it was okay, but you have to hit the enter key when finishing a quote.

 

[GalacticPetey]

Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Second chapter has been released

I think it was okay, but you have to hit the enter key when finishing a quote.

That would've helped. It was kinda hard to read.

 

[Daniel Dyce]

Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Second chapter has been released

I think it was okay, but you have to hit the enter key when finishing a quote.

No

 

[vgdunkey]

Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Second chapter has been released

You should learn to take constructive criticism.

Anyway, this chapter was... well, I guess it's interesting but poorly written. For one thing, you have dialogue in the same paragraph. Never do that. Next, you have people talking without any quotation marks to show that they're talking. The writing itself is confusing, filled with jokes that only you understand. The characters are unrealistic and WHY THE HELL DOES EVERYONE HAVE A SUPERPOWER BUT ME??? Anyway, back to the point. This chapter was confusing. I rate it meh.

 

[Daniel Dyce]

Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Second chapter has been released

I have people talking without quotations? And of course i have jokes only i would understand its my story (speaking of which what were said jokes)

 

[Zero777]

Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Second chapter has been released

Why are you resisting the criticism? This is helping you to become better.

 

[Propeller Toad]

Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Second chapter has been released

This chapter was quite an interesting one, and I am looking foward to how things shape up later in the story.

Your story ideas are interesting and unique as I'll give you that as a compliment. The only issue is just the writing style; however, if that is fixed up I believe your story will be a really great one. The style you have currently is not bad; however, I believe everyone is just recommending a slight change to make it more easier on the eyes. Just a thought for further editing.

If you need another back up editor, I am more than happy to help at times.

 

[Daniel Dyce]

Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Second chapter has been released

Your hired!

 

[Zero777]

Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Second chapter has been released

Now you're ignoring us >_>
Oh well, we tried...

 

[Propeller Toad]

Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Second chapter has been released

^Oh, I'm not trying to replace anyone. I just made a suggestion to be a back up editor if needed (since he said his previous editors left before). I'll only edit if needed to.

 

[Zero777]

Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Second chapter has been released

No it's not that, it's Goomba's Shoe refusing our [small] criticism and suggestions to make the stories better.

 

[Daniel Dyce]

Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Second chapter has been released

^Oh, I'm not trying to replace anyone. I just made a suggestion to be a back up editor if needed (since he said his previous editors left before). I'll only edit if needed to.

Don't worry your not replacing anyone

 

[Zero777]

Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Second chapter has been released

^Now I can tell for sure he is avoiding us. But keep up with the good story.

 

[vgdunkey]

Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Second chapter has been released

Wow. You're so stubborn that you won't even accept our criticism. Do you want to have a bad story? Oh wait, no, you think your story is amazing and the we're stupid for criticizing it. Fine with me. Have a bad story. It's not my story (which everyone strangely loved despite being atrociously horrible).

 

[Dr. Javelin]

Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Second chapter has been released

No it's not that, it's Goomba's Shoe refusing our [small] criticism and suggestions to make the stories better.

You said the exact same thing to Yoshiwaker, so I'm going to guess that you say it to everyone. Which makes it meaningless.

It looks like you have a bunch of interesting stuff in this story, but it's simply arranged in an incoherent mess. Like take this part:

They are led to a large and mostly empty circular room. The only noticeable feature is a glass wall that is used so that the guild can inspect future members. “Alright men, what we're gonna do is find out your powers, than decide if it’s worth the effort to train you,” Blue Koopa says, handing a microphone to a strange cloaked man. “Hello, they call me Pyro. With this suit I can burst into flames, so stand back! FLAME UP!” he says as his suit bursts into flames. Suddenly Pyro begins to scream, “FLAME DOWN! FLAME DOWN!” as the flames disappear. “Um, thank you,” Blue Koopa says, handing the microphone to a taller blue-eyed man wearing a hat and with the letters "UM" printed on his shirt. “Me Ultramario. Me really strong,” the man says before punching a hole in the wall. “Thank you,” Blue Koop says, handing the microphone to a short man wearing a cape. “They call me Nega-Man. I have the ability to fly, plus I can hit people with my cool cape,” he says. “Very good, how about you?” Blue Koop says, handing the microphone to a spike shell-wearing turtle. “I’m Spikey Master. In addition to having this spiked shell for protection, I can also shoot spikes from my shel,l” he says before shooting some spikes into a wall. “Excellent, how about you?” Blue Koop says before handing a microphone to a man. “My name is Uniju and I’m pretty much the biggest badass in this building. I’m fast, I’m strong, and if that wasn’t enough, pretty much nothing can hurt me,” he says, giving a cocky grin while cracking his knuckles. “Ok, how about you?” Blue Koop says while handing the microphone to a Toad holding a spear. “I can shape-shift,” he says before turning into a Buzzy Beetle. “Amazing!” Blue Koop says handing to microphone to a pair of conjoined twins. “We are Mario & Luigi. We have the ability to split off from each other. After splitting off from each other, Mario has the ability to run super fast and Luigi is super strong,” the twins say with a laugh. “Very cool. How about you?” Blue Koop asks Ambush Shoe. “I am Ambush Shoe. I have the ability to teleport when ever I say the words 'Swiper No Swiping', and I am confident that you will make me a part of your team assuming this isn't just some plot device that will lead me to do something else” Ambush says with a smile.

You're introducing all the characters and their powers at the same time and it's impossible to keep up with. Not to mention that there are small grammar errors, and the fact that it's written in present tense makes it a bit garbled.

Basically you've got a lot of ideas and your writing style is decent but your formatting makes it difficult to comprehend. If you get to work editing it and split up the paragraphs, it would not only look better but read better as well.

 

[Zero777]

Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Second chapter has been released

^You basically contradicted yourself. Never assume, Yoshiwaker's feud was the product of him offending me at the beginning and not cooperating for the littlest of things and my reviews not being entirely correct, I admit. This is about Goomba's Shoe's story not Yoshiwaker's feud so leave that out of here and stay on ze point the topic.

 

[QuizmoManiac]

Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Second chapter has been released

^Oh, I'm not trying to replace anyone. I just made a suggestion to be a back up editor if needed (since he said his previous editors left before). I'll only edit if needed to.

Don't worry your not replacing anyone

Actually, school has started again, so I don't think I'll have time to do this.
So, can he take my spot?

 

[Toad Eightyfive]

Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Second chapter has been released

^Oh, I'm not trying to replace anyone. I just made a suggestion to be a back up editor if needed (since he said his previous editors left before). I'll only edit if needed to.

Don't worry your not replacing anyone

Actually, school has started again, so I don't think I'll have time to do this.
So, can he take my spot?

I'll take your spot.

 

[Daniel Dyce]

Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Second chapter has been released

Your hired

 

[Dr. Javelin]

Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Second chapter has been released

^You basically contradicted yourself. Never assume, Yoshiwaker's feud was the product of him offending me at the beginning and not cooperating for the littlest of things and my reviews not being entirely correct, I admit.

I would argue that it started when you got offended over nothing, so...

This is about Goomba's Shoe's story not Yoshiwaker's feud so leave that out of here and stay on ze point the topic.

GS, you didn't say anything, but if you've got a problem with it then I'll stop.

 

[Daniel Dyce]

Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Second chapter has been released

Third chapter is out http://userpedia.adriels.com/wiki/Suicide_League:_Volume_1.3

 

[Zero777]

Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Second chapter has been released

I can see that you took our advice. As always, it's a good chapter.

but:

“I know, but every good team has a Yoshi on it. Also, he can speak English, which is pretty impressive,

 

[Daniel Dyce]

Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Second chapter has been released

All good superhero teams have yoshis and to be honest zero you had nothing to do with anything

 

[Zero777]

Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Second chapter has been released

Now I'm confused again, what are trying to say?