Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Cancelled

Do you think i should start writing this again

  • Yes

    Votes: 5 62.5%

  • No

    Votes: 1 12.5%

  • I don't care

    Votes: 2 25.0%
  • Total voters
    8
  • Poll closed .
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Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) 5th chapter has been released

Tomba said:
However, it's starting to be more of a romance/drama story than a comedy story.
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This is a problem because...?

Also I admit I'm impressed that you managed to do something that wasn't trolling or silly or comedic and it was actually kind of good. Thumbs up.
 
Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) 5th chapter has been released

Dr. Javelin said:
Tomba said:
However, it's starting to be more of a romance/drama story than a comedy story.
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This is a problem because...?

Also I admit I'm impressed that you managed to do something that wasn't trolling or silly or comedic and it was actually kind of good. Thumbs up.
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To be honest it's easier to write a drama than a comedy especially since i don't have a conventional since of humor so i'm going to make it mostly drama with the humor coming from the characters comments and the fact that there powers are so stupid (probably i have no idea if that will last more than a week.) Also what do you mean my writing was trolling.
 
Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) 6th chapter has been released

Too much of today's stories' drama is stolen by humor, I'm afraid to say.

Or at least that's been my experience. My absolute favorite stories are ones that either create an entire new world, or ones that balance drama and humor with great characters.

The first category would be things like Lord of the Rings, and the second category would be stuff like Skulduggery Pleasant or Artemis Fowl.

(For some reason I like foreign authors. Must be because America has no culture)
 
Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) 6th chapter has been released

I think the humor flows well with the drama largely i like to catch people off guard like when Tom questions how Ambush can hold a hammer during the battle with Goombella i think that fits them well. But than again i am the one writing it
 
Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) 6th chapter has been released

I'm going to combine the 5th and 6th together.

Review:
Chapter 5 just seemed to flow smoothly but the quality was bland until Goombella asked if they had dental care and the respond by Uniju just sparked that flame in my mind that made me laugh and think that this is definitively a silver age comic parody; the questioning scene supported this more.

Grammatical error in chapter 5 in the last scene: “Really? You call you bank “the bank”?!"

The bank as the bank's name is rather funny and true to many motifs of silver age comics.

Chapter 5, you forgot to hit the enter key on these lines: “Calm down Ultra” Propeller Toad said putting his hand on Ultras shoulder. Goombella then proceeded to kick the robber in the skull. He whimpered for mercy within seconds.

&

“You think sorry is going to cut it you think that’s going to change the fact that people like you are scum who torment and steal from good people to enrich your self no you deserve to be punished more” Goombella said once again throwing the criminal into a wall.

&

”This has gone to far! Propeller Toad come on! We need to get him out of there! Swiper No Swiping!” Ambush said teleporting away.

Although hanging on to the idea of silver age comics, Goombella's all caps rampage is a rather well played scene on hyperbole. Chapter 5 stopped on such short notice of a note which wrapped it up nicely.

These two chapters are littered with quotes that aren't separated into their own respectful line, make sure to clean that up.

Chapter 6 is partially spotted with missing commas so check that out. The first scene went a rhythm which did justice for it. The second scene has a great action scene and is really in tune to silver age comics.

This line: "The police arrived to arrest Goombella who awoke to find the police arresting her."
Sounds a bit redundant, but it may be my opinion.

There's a misspelling in the last line, you put in "are" instead of "our".

The third scene went by too quick and Ambush's love affection for Goombella was introduced just recently and too early that this idea will not properly sink into the mind of the reader which makes the scene go off at a wrong turn.

Overall, it was a drag, but those quick jolts of humor and silver age comic parody bump it out of bad waters.

5.3/7
 
Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) 6th chapter has been released

I will admit that Ambush's relationship with Goombella was poorly done and if it seemed forced it's cause it was forced (added it at the last minute with no real plan for it.)
 
Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) 6th chapter has been released

Animal-Vegetable-Mineral Man said:
(...no real plan for it.)
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Stories should be well-thought out.
 
Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) 6th chapter has been released

Discord said:
Animal-Vegetable-Mineral Man said:
(...no real plan for it.)
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Stories should be well-thought out.
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Everything but the love connection was. And the reason i added the love connection was in order to conflict Ambush since he clearly liked Goombella but at the same time hatted the way she treated criminals. But i will admit it was a poorly executed plot point.
 
Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) 6th chapter has been released

Animal-Vegetable-Mineral Man said:
hatted
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Man, you should do more posh puns.
inb4thatwasanaccident
 
Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) 6th chapter has been released

Discord said:
Animal-Vegetable-Mineral Man said:
hatted
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Man, you should do more posh puns.
inb4thatwasanaccident
Click to expand...
?
 
Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) 6th chapter has been released

Posh people wear fancy hats.
 
Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) 6th chapter has been released

I know this i had a fancy hat
 
Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) 6th chapter has been released

The plot is funny as always, but there's some major problems.

Your dialogue is unrealistic, your sentences have this huge tendency to run on, and your attempts at being deep, emotional and dramatic fail pretty miserably.

However, the humor makes it worth reading.
 
Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) 6th chapter has been released

Got it so it's the greatest thing you've ever read. Also i thought my attempts to be dramatic were pretty good although i did write it :posh:
 
Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) New Whose Who

Again, I find it sad that you have to break the fourth wall in order to explain who a character is.
 
Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) New Whose Who

You know, it would have been better if we had learned all this stuff in the story instead of having to read these appendices.
 
Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) New Whose Who

Dr. Javelin said:
You know, it would have been better if we had learned all this stuff in the story instead of having to read these appendices.
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I tried to manipulate this fic into that, but failed. I'm sorry.

Anyway, I thought this helped with development, even if it wasn't my preferred method.
 
Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) New Whose Who

Dr. Javelin said:
You know, it would have been better if we had learned all this stuff in the story instead of having to read these appendices.
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To much work quicker and easier to do it this way
 
Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) New Whose Who

Animal-Vegetable-Mineral Man said:
Dr. Javelin said:
You know, it would have been better if we had learned all this stuff in the story instead of having to read these appendices.
Click to expand...
To much work quicker and easier to do it this way
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>implying that you don't need to work hard in order to write a good story.

No. Stop being lazy and actually try to write a good story. I don't care if you can't write a few extra lines into the actual story. That just makes your story worse and you should try to fix it. But you won't. You'll just ignore all of our advice and keep doing the same things over and over.
 
Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) New Whose Who

Discord said:
Animal-Vegetable-Mineral Man said:
Dr. Javelin said:
You know, it would have been better if we had learned all this stuff in the story instead of having to read these appendices.
Click to expand...
To much work quicker and easier to do it this way
Click to expand...
>implying that you don't need to work hard in order to write a good story.

No. Stop being lazy and actually try to write a good story. I don't care if you can't write a few extra lines into the actual story. That just makes your story worse and you should try to fix it. But you won't. You'll just ignore all of our advice and keep doing the same things over and over.
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Nabber shut the fuck up i write the story that i want to and to be honest i prefer it the way it is i don't want to bog down chapters by making them backstory related so i just write chapters that are for back stories only
 
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