Zork

Foyer

Score: 0

Moves: 1





> go south


You are in the foyer of what appears to be a fairly decent home. There's an open living room off to your left and a flight of stairs to your right, leading up. There is also a large, imposing door directly in front of you.

On hooks above the mantlepiece hangs an elven elfin sword of great antiquity.


> examine door


The door is locked, bolted, and hermitically sealed. Plus, I heard it said something nasty about your mom. You're not gettin' through there.
◦go left
◦climb stairs
◦lift a rug
◦go back
◦get sword
◦attempt to pronounce 'xyzzy'
 
>lift a rug
 
south

Score: 0

Moves: 0





> lift rug


Oh, a smart guy, eh? Well, there's a trapdoor under it.
◦ enter trapdoor
◦ peek under trapdoor
◦ Don't open trapdoor
 
Foyer

Score: 0

Moves: 3





> peek under trapdoor


Being the pussy that you are, you gently, slowly, and noiselessly lift the trapdoor lid a fraction of a fraction of half a quarter millimetre, and peek at the forbidden secrets within...


Mein gott! It's true! They don't wear anything under their kilts!


> what?!?


Just screwing with you. You see nothing but the black impenetrable darkness that almost certainly contains a Grue.
◦enter black impenetrable darkness that almost certainly contains a Grue.
◦back to the room
 
Foyer

Score: 0

Moves: 1





> go south


You are in the foyer of what appears to be a fairly decent home. There's an open living room off to your left and a flight of stairs to your right, leading up. There is also a large, imposing door directly in front of you.

On hooks above the mantlepiece hangs an elven elfin sword of great antiquity.


> examine door


The door is locked, bolted, and hermitically sealed. Plus, I heard it said something nasty about your mom. You're not gettin' through there.
◦go left
◦climb stairs
◦lift a rug
◦go back
◦get sword
◦attempt to pronounce 'xyzzy'
◦avoid grue
 
XYZZY

Score: ?

Moves: ?





> pronounce "xyzzy"



You shout: "Zai-zee!"


But, nothing happens.


> try again



You chant "Zawizzy!"

But, nothing happens.


> try again



You holler "Zizzy!"

But, nothing hap- hey, hold it a minute....


Suddenly, the ground begins to shudder ominously, and the very walls around you begin to creak and groan! A sulphurious stench fills the air!

With an incredible lurch, the floor splits apart, and in an awful flash of unholy light a vast, billowing cloud of blood-red smog pours out of the earth!

The towering cloud swirls, and forms an ominous spiral of unearthly chaos. From within the cloud, a thunderous, croaking voice rings out:

"At last! Once again the sun quails before Zizzy the Indestructible! The descendants of the fools who dared imprison me will pay with a thousand times the suffering I have had to endure for all these years!"



As soon as it finishes speaking, the walls and ceiling of the building are consumed in insidious purple flames that burn but give no heat. You look up, and see to your dismay that the sky has turned pitch-black. You start to feel droplets of rain on your skin, and notice to your increasing alarm that the drops are red. The smell of charred flesh reaches your nostrils, as well as distant screams of anguish.

Then, the voice addresses you:

"As for you, fool, your reward is a swift, painless death - a treasure compared to the unending despair I will wreak upon this world!

...But first, try this complimentary Perfect Chocolate Chip Cookie."



True to its word, the cookie has just the right texture and crispness, and the chocolate chips are at exactly the right moistness. The sheer perfection of it it takes your mind off the fact that you are euthanised seconds afterward. Aren't you lucky?



*** You have died ***

Would you like to start over, restore a saved position, or end this session of Zork? (Type RESTART, RESTORE, or QUIT):
◦ restart
◦ restore
◦ quit
 
Restore

Score: 0, duh

Moves: 0





> restore


There are six save files.
1. The Super Ultimate Final Conclusive Showdown Battle of The End - 451 turn(s)
2. Nondescript Room - 1 turn(s)
3. No data
4. Grue Room - ? turn(s)
5. Game Ending! - 9 turns



◦ Go back
 
The Super Ultimate Final Conclusive Showdown Battle of The End

Score: 51687

Moves: 451





Save file restored.


> look



You're in the Hall of the Stargate! Your party memebers consist of the NYPD forces, Zombie Aeris, Wallace and Gromit, The Wrong Trousers, Captain Obvious, Jimmy Neutron, Angus Young, Dopefish, Hewey, Louie and Dewey, Bender, Dr. Zoidberg, The Magic School Bus, Babe Ruth, Harvey Birdman, Leeroy Jenkins, Avenger, the Bear, Lumpy the Heffalump, person3, Tigger, Homer Simpson, Herbie the Love Bug, The Marx Brothers, Princess Peach, Spider-Man, Calvin and Hobbes, Yoshimitsu, Meatwad, Boxy Brown, Dewey and Vanessa, Frylock, the Punisher, Solid Snake, D-Jumper and his 3 alter egos(They got hit in the chest and warped out.), Meta Knight, Spongebob Squarepants and Patrick Star. As more Xenomorph hordes rush in from their forsaken dimension to replace their fallen comrades, you notice that the NYPD forces holding them off are dwindling. You and your party members don't have much time left to destroy the Unobtanium Crystal!

Zombie Aeris cries "What are you doing? I told you to use it already!" and casts curaja, returning your HP to max. "There's no time to waste!" she shouts, as attack squadrons of Clinjas drop from the ceiling, throwing balloon animals at your party. Grues swarm from behind the masses of dead sheep as Wallace and Gromit gear up their shotguns and launch round after round at Eurgs that have joined forces with hordes of giant flying stingrays. The Wrong Trousers charge into the frenzy, taking out hordes of penguins and even trampling an ævæl dæmæn in the process. Why is it that you suddenly hear bad rap music pounding into your head? "Oh noes!" cries a nearby Teletubby as MC Pee Pants bursts in, firing two uzis at you and eating the Teletubby. You notice the dried corpses of Master Shake and Carl dangling from a piece of spider's web hanging off of MC Pee Pants's leg! You also notice the Mooninites are riding on his back, firing their moon lasers and flipping you off. Then, Meta Knight cuts the Mooninites in half as Solid Snake tosses a grenade into MC Pee Pant's mouth. Then, Meatwad uses his All-Powerful Jambox to destroy Bowser and Waluigi. Frylock proceeds to disintegrate a group of Shadow Squirrels with his awesome lasers. Taking advantage of the opportunity, Yoshimitsu rushes into a crowd of zombie elves and decapitates them all with his katana.

Captain Obvious obviously fires round after round of extreme sarcasm at the hordes of grues attacking him, which explode as they collide with eurgs. Nuclear explosions shake the Hall of the Stargate as the bloodbath continues. Looking beside you, you see the unconcious form of Jimmy Neutron as Mothgrues begin to feast on him.

Meanwhile Angus Young begins to play a kickass guitar solo for no apparent reason.

In a last, desperate attempt, your friend and ally Dopefish tries to keep the intelligence temporarily granted him in 5 pages ago, but instead swims away and eats something. The Magic School Bus turns into a WOMD and creates a magic mushroom cloud. A pig dies in the explosion.


> mourn



But you have no time to mourn, for Dr. Fu Manchu, taking advantage of your inactivity, throws another flurry of shuriken, narrowly missing you but wounding Babe Ruth for 48 damage. Lumpy the Heffalump suddenly charges into battle, narrowly missing the attacks of a crazed tank engine and is suddenly mortally wounded by extreme sarcasm. Tigger follows on his heels, as he pulls out his assault rifle and plasma rifle (dual-wielded). Homer Simpson just leaves and has a drink. Ironhide and Bumblebee use Doubleteam to revive Pikachu and Squidward, who charge towards Hitler and Roley the Steamroller, resulting in the latest giant explosions.

But the tables soon turn as Santa Claus, having taken control of Herbie the Love Bug, runs over Princess Peach and Spider-Man, mortally wounding the two strongest members of your party. Peach tries to use Group Hug, but since that move only existed in Super Mario RPG, she instead does nothing. Starscream and a kangaroo smack into her, as her corpse fades into nonexistence. Bumblebee gets pissed and shoots Herbie. Herbie a splodes. Before Dopefish can eat a satanic moose, a misfired shot from Harry Potter's shotgun ends his life quickly. In the confusion, Squidward is mauled to death by a wild sea-bear. You feel despair overtake you.

Behind you you see Calvin and Hobbes with Spongebob Squarepants, next to Spongebob is his friend Patrick and all of them are equipped with lightsabers, sword-chucks, AK-47s, and traffic cones. As they fight giant anime robots, they are all killed by your mom.

What the fuck are you going to do now?


> inv



You have a brass lantern (providing light), the light cannon, a can of compressed air, a tattoo reading "Sweet" (added while drunk), a Ring of Attack, the Kerrek's Belt (being worn), a batch of grumblecakes, half of a grilled cheese sandwitch (being eaten), a Babelfish (in left ear), a sultana, a keychain, a gorilla suit (being worn), the G-string of Aphrodite (being worn), the Stone of Shame (shackled to leg), a monkey's paw (no wishes remaining), the Pot of Gold, the Autobot Matrix of Leadership (unopened), the Beautiful Painting, the Brass Bauble, the Egyptian Sceptre, the Wrath of the Black Manta (being wrought), the Solid Gold Coffin, the soul of an orphan, the Trunk of jewels, the Crystal trident, the Jade figurine, the Sapphire bracelet (being worn), a fire extinguisher, the USS Saratoga, a Heffalump, the Huge diamond, the Bag of coins, the oddly shaped pebbles you found, a Archeoptyrex fossil (found in Germany) the Crystal skull, the Jeweled scarab, the Large emerald, the unobtainable jewel (obtained), the Silver chalice, the Jewel-encrusted egg, the Clockwork canary, Mutton-Chops (being worn), the second biggest monkey head you've ever seen, the Platinum Utility Ladder, the Sword that is Still Broken, the Ivory torch (also providing light), and the +OVER 9000!!!!!!!! elven elfin slaxe-chucks of great antiquity (weapon in hand). Oh yeah, you also have a stick of gum.
◦ummm... what the heck is going on?
◦pronounce xyzzy
◦Uhm... oww! My stomach! The pain, the unrelenting PAIN!!
◦Kill the Xenomorph with the slaxe-chucks
◦Scream!
◦Count the shadows
◦Huff a kitten
 
AAAAAAAAAAA!

Score: AAA

Moves: AAAA





> AAAAAA!


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

It looks like Vashta Nerada don't like screaming.



*** You have died ***

Would you like to start over, restore a saved position, or end this session of Zork? (type RESTART, RESTORE, or QUIT):
◦ restart
◦ restore
◦ quit
 
Restore

Score: 0, duh

Moves: 0





> restore


There are six save files.
1. The Super Ultimate Final Conclusive Showdown Battle of The End - 451 turn(s)
2. Nondescript Room - 1 turn(s)
3. No data
4. Grue Room - ? turn(s)
5. Game Ending! - 9 turns



◦ Go back
 
Idiot

Score: 6

Moves: 9





Well, well, well. Looks like we have a cheater on our hands. Not being allowed to restore anymore save files means just that, dipwad. Did I ever mention to you this program is created to get the better of you?
◦Admit obvious cheating and get eaten by a Grue

Or you can also:
◦restart
◦restore
◦quit
 
Restore

Score: 0, duh

Moves: 0





> restore


There are six save files.
1. The Super Ultimate Final Conclusive Showdown Battle of The End - 451 turn(s)
2. Nondescript Room - 1 turn(s)
3. No data
4. Grue Room - ? turn(s)
5. Game Ending! - 9 turns



◦ Go back
 
Grue Room

Score: ?

Moves: ?





Wow, you are such a suicidal maniac. Loading somebody else's save doesn't work on Zork, punk-ass cheater.

For that, a spider that was sitting in the corner turns into Chuck Norris and whacks the living daylights out of you with a violin.


*** You have died ***


Would you like to start over, restore a saved position, or end this session of Zor - oh, wait. You Haven't Died. That's odd. What would you like to do Whilst still Alive?


> Look



The Room is very Non-descript. There is a Bright Green Door in front of you, and a Table behind you. Items of Interest are Available in this room, so It is Advised to Search

Before Leaving.
◦Open Door
◦Examine Table
◦Search
 
East

Score: ?

Moves: 1







You smack your head into the wall. You wake up to find yourself being eaten by the Grue. Your last concious thought is the determination to pay attention to your surroundings more.



*** You have died ***

Would you like to start over, restore a saved position, or end this session of Zork? (type RESTART, RESTORE, or QUIT):
◦ restart
◦ restore
◦ quit
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back