Good wishes aren't always good wishes

[Baby Mario Bloops]

Granted, but you get framed for cheating.

I wish to grow a beard.

Granted, but it comes in all patchy.

I wish that I gained five pounds.

 

[Andymii]

Granted, but there's now a five-pound weight in your stomach.

I wish for the this wish to have no consequences.

 

[E. C. Koopa]

Granted, but since you didn't specify time it has consequences the next day.

I wish I could travel in the dream world (not like the Dream Team world, the world where real life dreams happen) without dying.

 

[NathanBros]

Granted, you disappear from real world forever.

I wish a teleporter.

 

[E. C. Koopa]

Granted, but it breaks the first time you use it.

I wish I had a car.

 

[NathanBros]

Granted, it's a 18th century vapor based one.

I wish better luck.

 

[E. C. Koopa]

Granted, but it only lasts a few days before your luck turns awful.

I wish I could go on a game show.

 

[Xiahou Dun]

Granted. You lose all of your money due to game show expenses.

I wish Google can suck a little less.

 

[Lee Chaolan]

Granted but your computer only lets you use bing.

I wish I could find Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door for a decent price.

 

[Xiahou Dun]

Granted. It bricks all your systems.

I wish I can solder.

 

[E. C. Koopa]

Granted, you accidentally burn yourself and have to go to the hospital.

I wish I would stop stuttering.

 

[NathanBros]

Granted, but now you can't talk.

I wish this wish got corrupted.

 

[E. C. Koopa]

Granted, it gets uncorrupted.

I wish I could type better.

 

[NathanBros]

Granted, but you forget words every time.

I wish a stronger wish.

 

[J-Yoshi64]

Granted, but your wish is so strong that it must be locked away, for fear its power is too great.

I wish to be the first real person to have a self-insert playable character in a Mario game.

 

[Paper Jorge]

I wish to be the first real person to have a self-insert playable character in a Mario game.

your character gets ridiculed and meme'd the hell out of, and you become the laughing stock of the mario series

i wish i could grow a decent beard

 

[Lusamine]

Your beard is so decent, that you become the blandest guy ever!!!

I wish I had a lot of yogurt so that I can eat it because I am hungry

 

[E. C. Koopa]

Granted, but since you didn't specify what flavor (since there are like 80 of them), you get the flavor you really hate.

I wish my stomach would stop hurting.

 

[NathanBros]

Granted, now your head hurts. (Have you tried herbs? They work for me.)

I wish herbs could help GSYoshi.

 

[J-Yoshi64]

Granted, but now he loves herbs so much he hogs them all to himself and now we don't have any.

I wish I was an autonomous, hypercompetent reality-warper.

 

[E. C. Koopa]

Granted, you accidentally destroy humanity.

I wish it would stop pouring rain.

 

[Princess Céline]

But then there would be a drought.

I wish gharials were not critically endangered.

 

[NathanBros]

Granted, they cease to exist.

I wish Deinosuchus added a short description about the animal to create curiosity.

 

[Princess Céline]

Gharials eat almost exclusively fish, thanks to their long and thin snout filled with 110 needle-like teeth. They also generally flee from human contact.

Is that good enough?

 

[E. C. Koopa]

Granted, but you accidentally delete it in a few days.

I wish Monty Python's Flying Circus would get resurrected.