Zork

> dodge the hammer blow, strafe behind him and karate-kick him in the crotch


The mighty hammer Grond cleaves the air as it flies toward you! With a sudden burst of speed you dive out of the way of its cruel path! Still steady on your feet, you break into a dash as Morgoth prepares a magical spell. Dancing madly around your foe, you strafe behind him and...


..wait a second. If you're going to kick him in the crotch, why on Earth did you strafe behind him?


> umm... can I change my move?


No.

Morgoth uses his twisted magic to smite you with a bolt of pure whoop-ass that kills you twenty times before you hit the ground. And once when you hit the ground. And a couple of times after that for good measure.







SUDDENLY! You are on a cloud in deep space, and there is a man standing in front of you.


> examine man


He appears to be Anubis, the God of Death.

What would you like to do?
•give him a piece of gum
•ask him to bring you back to life
•restore
 
Give him a piece of gum
 
> give him some of your gum



As you reach into your pocket, you suddenly remember that you gave your gum to that creepy little kid back in the house. What do you do?
• give him a piece of lint and hope he won't notice the difference
• tell him that you have gum in your pocket, and promise him that you'll give him some if he gives you super powers
 
> ask for super powers



Anubis looks at you furiously. "ARE YOU INSANE?" He screams, "Of course I'm not giving you super powers!"


He waves his hand, and you wake up in the living room with all of your stuff gone.


> go south


You are in the foyer of what appears to be a fairly decent home. There's an open living room off to your left and a flight of stairs to your right, leading up. There is also a large, imposing door directly in front of you.

On hooks above the mantlepiece hangs an elven elfin sword of great antiquity.


> examine door


The door is locked, bolted, and hermitically sealed. Plus, I heard it said something nasty about your mom. You're not gettin' through there.
•go left
•climb stairs
•lift a rug
•go back
•get sword
•attempt to pronounce 'xyzzy'
•avoid grue
 
> climb stairs



The upper room is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a Grue. Just like the one downstairs, except probably not so sedentary. A strange buzzing eminates from the room.

To your left lies a closet. It looks old.
•Climb into a closet.
•Go back downstairs
•Explore the dark room
 
The closet is really dusty. You sneeze. Oops, you sneezed again.

In fact, you sneeze so much you get a bloody nose.
• So what?
• See if you have a tissue in your pocket
• Come out of the closet
• See if there is a magical land hidden in the closet
 
You idiot! They hide magical lands in WARDROBES!

Luckily there just happens to be a wardrobe at the back of the closet.
• go inside wardrobe
• Come out of the closet
• look behind wardrobe
 
You decided that you are no longer ashamed of being gay, and decide to be open and honest about the way God made you.

After many years, when you are older and wiser, you feel you are ready to settle down with the love of your life, who you have been dating for many months now. You move in together in a small, one bedroom apartment in San Francisco, your partner didn't like the idea at first. "Why should we move to San Francisco just because people are more tolerant there? Isn't it the bigot's problem if they don't like us?" they would say "Aren't we voluntarily ghettoizing ourselves by doing this?" And you have to admit, it's a good point. But you're too jaded and tired now to care. All you want is for the two of you to live your lives peacefully and happily together. You can't always go off crusading for civil rights, even if it is the right thing to do. At any rate, the two of you go on with your lives, always having eachother to lean on. You rejoice with your partner after their big promotion. And if it wasn't for the loving support you got from home, you would never have gone back to law school, and become a successful attorney, doing pro bono work for underpriviledged inner city children. One day, after saving an orphanage from being foreclosed upon by a powerful, multinational bank, and the orphans all thank you, it hits you: It's time for the two of you to raise a child together, you know what a great thing it would be to be able to impact a child's life so profoundly for the better, and you have so much love to share, it shouldn't go to waste. Little Timmy is the cutest thing, and you know all people feel this way about their child, but he really is the most beautiful baby in the world, you're always there with your camcorder to capture his first smile his first word, his first steps. One day he comes home crying, he was being teased at school because he had two daddies instead of a mommy and a daddy like the other kids. You are shocked that people would still raise their children to be so close-minded in this day and age. You and your partner sit Timmy down and have a long talk with him about many things, and by the end of the conversation, the three of you feel that you have all grown as individuals, as well as as a family. You couldn't ask for a better existence, except for maybe your partner's heart attack, they pulled through, thank God, but it really gave you a scare. And as you sit next to eachother, at Timmy's (or Tim's as he likes to be called now) college graduation, you count your blessings and are truly thankful for all that you have, and all that you have had the courage to do, and every day is a wonderful celebration of life.




Until the three of you get eaten by a homophobic Grue.





It appears that the last blow was too much for you. I'm afraid that you are dead.

As you take your last breath, you feel relieved of your burdens. The feeling passes as you find yourself before the gates of Hell, where the spirits jeer at you and deny you entry. Your senses are disturbed. The objects in the dungeon appear indistinct, bleached of color, even unreal.


> examine me


You appear to be made of a translucent floating white substance. There seems to be a golden halo hovering above your head.
• enter gates of Hell
• fly up
• restore
 
You walk through the Gates of Hell, and meet many dead people, who are bad (that's why they are here). Hey look, it's Pol Pot! And next to him is Idi Amin! And over there, it's Oscar Wilde.


> Okay, but what's George Washington doing here?



It seems he was telling a lie. Thomas Jefferson chopped down the cherry tree. Anyway look over there, it's Satan! He's a bad guy! Seeing you, Satan realizes you are not fully dead and comes over to talk to you. He says he is going to devour your soul if you don't give him something jingly. It looks like you have to hand over the Tambourine.


> Give Tambourine



Give Tambourine to who?


> The Devil



oh n0es!!!!

It's not nice to call someone the Devil. Call him by his full name.


> Give Beelzebub Lucifer Baal Nicholas Francis Günther Catherine Diablo Bob Dole Aeris Sauron Astaroth Pikachu Satan the TAMBOURINE!



You give Beelzebub Lucifer Baal Nicholas Francis Günther Catherine Diablo Bob Dole Aeris Sauron Astaroth Pikachu Satan the tambourine and he plays with it like a two year old. He says thank you, says you are forgiven of your sins, and teleports you to...
•An Abyss
•Player Vs. Player Arena
•Destination: Unknown
•Heaven
•A Grue, who is willing to become friends with you
•Zork
•Two steps away from where you are standing
 
The Abyss

Score: 0

Moves: 0




C:\> Run "The Abyss"_

Now it is the beginning of a fantastic story! Let us make a journey to the cave of monsters! Good luck!

THE ABYSS

An Unfocom Production

Version infinityplex. Serial number: 1NV4L1D. Licensed to: God (satan@hellmail.net).

You are now logged on as Guest.


> Look



You are at the entrance to an Abyss. As you look into the Abyss, you come to the unnerving conclusion that in Soviet Russia, Abyss looks into you.


> Enter Abyss



You have entered a dark, smelly abyss. You are more than likely to be eaten by a Shadow Grue. The door shuts behind you.


> Inventory



You are armed with only a mop and your wit. Oh, and a torch.
◦Examine Shadow grue
◦Throw torch at grue
◦Light torch
◦Leave
 
The Abyss

Score: -20

Moves: 1



> Throw torch at grue



The torch lightly bounces off of him and falls in front. It suddenly occurs to you that this would have been more effective had you lit the torch first.

You politely ask for the torch back, and the grue responds by eating you.
*** You have died ***

Would you like to restart The Abyss, or restore Zork?
 
The Abyss

Score: 0

Moves: 0




C:\> Run "The Abyss"_

Now it is the beginning of a fantastic story! Let us make a journey to the cave of monsters! Good luck!

THE ABYSS

An Unfocom Production

Version 9 and 3/4. Serial number: 1NV4L1D. Licensed to: God (satan@hellmail.net).

You are now logged on as Guest.


> Look



You are at the entrance to an Abyss. As you look into the Abyss, you come to the unnerving conclusion that in Soviet Russia, Abyss looks into you.


> Enter Abyss



You have entered a dark, smelly abyss. You are more than likely to be eaten by a Shadow Grue. The door shuts behind you.


> Inventory



You are armed with only a mop and your wit. Oh, and a torch.
◦Examine Shadow grue
◦Throw torch at grue
◦Light torch
◦Leave
 
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